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I'm 30 & don't have nor want kids. I have a few, single female friends ranging from 25 to late 40s who are the same. The common factor is we have other goals that are more important to us, so you may try to seek someone who is ambitious in some other area. It's likely not going to be someone too "down to earth" because those types like the more "normal" life path.
Supposedly, more intelligent women are less likely to ever have kids, so maybe check out arenas with more intelligent types.
At your age, most women won't be wanting kids cuz they'll feel the time has passed (even if they did want them). I have a single friend in her early 40s who still can have kids, but doesn't want to now; she says the desire passed & she's content as-is. So in your age group, there should be some with that situation & attitude.
Nearly 27 and never want kid. I would do a tubal ligation if given the chance. So yes, not all of us are maternal. The only difference would be our age gap.
Nearly 27 and never want kid. I would do a tubal ligation if given the chance. So yes, not all of us are maternal. The only difference would be our age gap.
I'm 37 and indifferent to the idea of kids, even though I really enjoy them. But someone who wanted a chaos-free life wouldn't work well with me. I've got high-energy dogs, am active in dog sports and there is usually something unrelated to the dogs that would qualify as "chaos" going on.
I'd start hanging out amongst the academia or the artsy crowd.
Nearly 27 and never want kid. I would do a tubal ligation if given the chance. So yes, not all of us are maternal. The only difference would be our age gap.
There are side effects to a TL. My wife would not have gone that route after our last child was born. She has a lot of pain one day a month when the egg is trying to travel.
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Originally Posted by orangeapple
I'm 30 & don't have nor want kids. I have a few, single female friends ranging from 25 to late 40s who are the same. The common factor is we have other goals that are more important to us, so you may try to seek someone who is ambitious in some other area. .
Don't be so sure. Things can change.
My wife was told she could not have kids in a prior marriage. We both knew that going into our marriage and had accepted it.
My wife reached the peak of her career in her early 30s after getting on the fast track in her late 20s. She ended up at the helm of a mid sized firm in 2008 and rode it through the recession, turned it around, and then sale to private equity. She cashed out and fielded a number of offers. She was a very attractive woman with extensive C-level experience in areas of manufacturing, operations, accounting, finance and with M&A experience.
She also got pregnant along the way. First time at 34 was a shock. Second time was planned. Both pregnancies were difficult and she worked through both as CEO all the way to the day of delivery. And then was back at work within a week. But having kids changed her in many ways.
After a lot of thought, she decided to be a SAHM for a while, rather than take a another role. "I have proven everything I needed to prove."
She misses being in charge, misses the attention of being a big shot and misses having a lot of good people working for her. But she does not miss the sleepless nights, cash flow issues, employee problems, placating clients or the Board. Or the daily low-level conflict as we had to negotiate each day's schedules.
Adjusting to being a SAHM has not been easy. 18 months in and she is finally settled in. She is restless some days and bored. She hates the imbalance of power in our marriage. But she has bonded deeply with both our kids - day cares and nannies and in-laws had spent more time with them than she had. Our kids are both very happy and we are very close as a family now.
And I would prefer her to work. She was more interesting then. We had more to talk about. But she is also calmer and is happier overall. She has also had time to reflect on her work history.
Once both kids are in school, then things will change again. She will either take over the PTA or go back to work or buy a business.
Would you be accepting of a woman whose kids are out of the home? Given your age, there are likely many women in their early 40's in that situation.
I'm a little bit older than the OP and I can relate to him exactly. I've been in a LTR for a long time and we don't have kids, and I just love our lifestyle. I'm spoiled, to be honest, cause we have a pretty drama free lifestyle, for the most part. Don't get me wrong we've have family issues but for the most part drama free. At least in terms of the responsiblity of raising kids.
As the OP stated not having children allows for more "me" time for lack of another way of saying it and I/we really like that.
I think it would suck to be back out there because finding a person that is child free is much much tougher as you get older, into the 40's is like a needle in a haystack. Heck when I was in my 20's it was tough, I remember when I met mrs. Chow I remember actually being shocked that her, at 28, didn't have kids, which was just amazing to me at the time, LOL.
I've heard horror stories about single people meeting someone and then after a bit meeting their older supposedly "adult and out of the house" kids only to find out the kids are f ups and constantly need money or have drama or other things that end up being a major PITA to the new person... so that is a gamble as well.
Just keep on posting on the dating sites, being really clear and upfront with the "no kids" requirement and you'll eventually come across a few women who want what you want.
"A few women"? That hardly sounds satisfactory. If it's only a few, the chances are that he won't be compatible with them for other reasons.
To the OP: You should decide whether you're set on getting married or having a permanent relationship. If you're not, then you don't have to limit yourself to women who don't want children. After all, most relationships never get to that point anyway. They don't have to last to be meaningful.
what have you done outside of dating sites to meet women? Have you joined any meetup groups, hobby groups, volunteer organizations, dance lessons/clubs (swing, salsa, folk), gardening workshops, cooking classes, or other activities? Are you putting yourself out there in real life? There are definitely women without kids who don't want kids and don't smoke (or drink, for that matter), but you won't find them unless you're out circulating.
Go to single people events. Or whole day events who are not interesting for kids. Through meetup.com for example. Chances are there is other singles who are like minded.
My problem is that it seems like it's almost impossible to find women who don't have AND don't want kids (and who don't smoke, but that's another problem).
It's equally difficult to find single, non-smoking, child-free by choice men in the 35-45 age range as well. Like you, I like children but don't plan on having any of my own at this point. Among my single male friends, very few of them don't have children.
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Originally Posted by the minx
He said he's part of several meetup groups.
Meetup groups don't seem to be great when it comes to match making. I don't hear good things about them.
I've been a Meetup organizer for over 5 years. While it is true the majority of Meetup members are single, a lot of them are newly single and aren't looking to date-they just want to get out of the house and are finding all their friends are couples. Or they are new in town and don't know anyone. I know people who have met and dated through Meetup but I can only think of two couples who've been together for any length of time (i.e. over a year) and a whole lot more who've broken up.
The rule of thumb I use for myself is if a person does not have dating and relationships as one of their topics of interest or if they are not in any dating related groups (singles, speed dating, etc), I assume they aren't looking to date until I'm told otherwise. I've also found that the Meetup community of regulars tends to be small and when dating someone you meet through Meetup, unless you are incredibly discreet about it, everyone in the group knows and it quickly starts to feel you are dating the whole group instead of just each other (speaking from experience on that one).
Meetup more and more seems to be getting a reputation as a dating site and while there are certainly groups catering to those looking to meet someone, that is not the site's overall intention.
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