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Well, I haven't been in the dating world for a long time now, but I can't imagine the world is flooded with childfree women in their 30 and 40's, people have posted the stats a few times about what slim pickings they are, specially as get into the late 30's and above, I just don't feel like diggin them up. But as usually we never hardly agree on things anyways so there's no surprise there...
Well, I haven't been in the dating world for a long time now, but I can't imagine the world is flooded with childfree women in their 30 and 40's, people have posted the stats a few times about what slim pickings they are, specially as get into the late 30's and above, I just don't feel like diggin them up. But as usually we never hardly agree on things anyways so there's no surprise there...
We're not saying the world is flooded with them. We're saying there's a higher percentage of them in liberal areas, like the West Coast and NYC, and that in places like that, at least, they're not uncommon.
Keep busy and keep faith that unicorn as someone else put it will come along.
I was newly single and was prepared to be single for a long time knowing that I was in my late 30's, didn't drink or smoke and didn't want kids. However I was lucky in quickly finding someone who felt the same way. Even more ironically we found each other on this site. (So don't rule that option out as well!). Almost 2 years later, and we're getting married in October. So us unicorns do exist.
It's true though about the dating sites. People will completely ignore things that are clearly spelled out for them. I kept getting guys responding to my ad who had "wants kids" or "have kids" in their profiles. People see what they want to see.
At least take faith in the fact that you will not get bothered by people that "you're running out of time".
Woo-hoo! Congrats!
I do think kid-free women have it easier than kid-free men, though. When I got divorced in my late 30s, I had to beat the men back with a stick. A kid-free divorcee in her late 30s is a hot potato in D.C. I found that even men with kids prefer a kid-free woman. Seems like they just don't want the encumbrance of another man's kids on a nearly full-time basis, and more often than not, divorced moms with kids have primary custody. Conversely, men with kids tend not to have primary custody, so they have more "free" time that they'd rather use for non-kid activities.
Then there is the age factor. I got hit on by a lot of guys in their late 40s to mid-50s who wanted a younger woman, but not so young that kids were a possibility. None of them really tickled my fancy, though.
I'm 47 now, recently unpaired, and don't see myself dating for a while. Never mind healing and getting over the last relationship: I'm hoping to relocate in a year's time, so I'm just going to wait until I get where I'm going and get settled in, first. I can say this: If he has minor-age kids, I'm probably not going to be too interested. My 57-year-old sister lives in the area I hope to move to, and she's doing OLD and is getting a decent number of hits and talking to a handful of men. So I'm not too worried about my prospects if and when I get back out there. Our joke with each other is that if we aren't interested in someone, we'll keep the other in mind, particularly if he's in his mid-50s. "I think we might not have enough in common, but you'd LOVE my sister!"
There is a dating site for seeking a like-minded partner, called "I do not want kids"-
but there isn't a large membership, and trying to find someone nearby is unlikely if one isn't in a major metropolitan area.
I'm 41, childfree by choice, and I live in isolated locale with low population density-which compounds the scarcity of my relational options.
I have more free time without kids now that I'm divorced than I ever did when I was married, due to the time my kids spend with their dad. Plus they are older now. It's pretty awesome.
There is a dating site for seeking a like-minded partner, called "I do not want kids"-
but there isn't a large membership, and trying to find someone nearby is unlikely if one isn't in a major metropolitan area.
I'm 41, childfree by choice, and I live in isolated locale with low population density-which compounds the scarcity of my relational options.
Don't you find that most of these "Childfree" dating sites are very limited or have scarce activity. At least that's my experience. I'm also childfree by choice, don't smoke or drink and find that many who try to contact me don't seem to "get it". I don't want to date a guy that has children and don't care if they're grown and not living with him. It's a different kind of mindset for the childfree that those who have children just don't understand. I also don't want a guy who smokes, or questions me as to why I didn't have kids.
Yeah, I'm picky, but it's only because when I wasn't I settled and was miserable. I'm at a stage where I want what I want or I can do without because my life is busy enough.
Is No Kidding around anymore? I have heard good and bad things about the groups, but mostly that they are not dating groups, but just people to hang out with. Many of them are coupled up. No clue, but y'know you can try that.
I have found lots of men who don't want kids. But finding men who don't have kids and don't want them are a bit more rare. I won't even bother with men who have grown kids.....because one day, there will be grandkids and I don't want those in my life either.
Now, where is that meetup in Portland? OH wait, you said it was for DINKs. I'm not part of the DI. I'm single and part of the NK. LOL.
To the OP, it could be where you live. Y'know, they stress religion and therefore, kids, more in the south. Maybe you need to move more North and East or West. Or Maybe just more west.
Don't you find that most of these "Childfree" dating sites are very limited or have scarce activity. At least that's my experience.
^Yes, we're a niche demographic.
Of course, it takes more than having this one thing in common for a relationship to develop with someone-
and those additional requirements/preferences reduce the pool of possible mutually interested persons further.
My wife was told she could not have kids in a prior marriage. We both knew that going into our marriage and had accepted it.
My wife reached the peak of her career in her early 30s after getting on the fast track in her late 20s. She ended up at the helm of a mid sized firm in 2008 and rode it through the recession, turned it around, and then sale to private equity. She cashed out and fielded a number of offers. She was a very attractive woman with extensive C-level experience in areas of manufacturing, operations, accounting, finance and with M&A experience.
I didn't say I CAN'T have kids. I said I don't WANT any. I have felt that way since I was a child & have never wavered on it.
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She also got pregnant along the way. First time at 34 was a shock. Second time was planned. Both pregnancies were difficult and she worked through both as CEO all the way to the day of delivery. And then was back at work within a week. But having kids changed her in many ways.
If I had an unexpected pregnancy I'd accept it. I realize that's always a possibility. I don't dislike kids & feel I'd be a good mom, but I don't desire it.
No doubt it would change me....and some of that is what I don't want. I don't want my body taken over by another being, likely never to return as it was. I don't want my identity erased by becoming "mom". I don't want to have to provide a stable, secure environment & take care of another human's every little need.
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After a lot of thought, she decided to be a SAHM for a while, rather than take a another role. "I have proven everything I needed to prove."
She misses being in charge, misses the attention of being a big shot and misses having a lot of good people working for her. But she does not miss the sleepless nights, cash flow issues, employee problems, placating clients or the Board. Or the daily low-level conflict as we had to negotiate each day's schedules.
Adjusting to being a SAHM has not been easy. 18 months in and she is finally settled in. She is restless some days and bored. She hates the imbalance of power in our marriage. But she has bonded deeply with both our kids - day cares and nannies and in-laws had spent more time with them than she had. Our kids are both very happy and we are very close as a family now.
I'm not a career woman. So that's not why I don't want kids. There's nothing in lieu of kids that I want. I just don't want them. There is lack of desire, period.
I have never wanted a career either. I don't like a scheduled, orderly life & I have no desire for most shallow achievements in this world. As of now, I work from home, do a lot of volunteer work, & have a pretty calm, quiet existence.
My ideal life is semi-nomadic with lots of time for personal interests & novel experiences & more focus on humanitarian work than being a "success". That's not a "family life", although as I said, it's no sacrifice for me.
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