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I'm 33, divorced, single full time parent of 1 child that is toddler age. The father is not extensively involved (in 1.5yrs, he's taken 3 visitations), so I don't have off weekends like other single parents, and we split because he walked out the door to live with his mistress. I found out that their affair started when our child was about 3 mths old (only found this out recently) and we split when our child was 6 mths old; since that time, his mistress has been a higher priority for him than his child. My ex husband did a number on me betraying me on every level imaginable - emotionally, socially among "his" people, financially, etc, etc. My ex went out of his way to destroy my faith in trusting a partner. His mistress is a diagnosed mentally unstable woman, and he has projected many of her manic ways in his attacks on me, and it seems like his attacks on me, at this point, are relentless.
(begs the question.. if he is so happy with her, why won't he leave me alone?! )
I am receiving help from a professional to cope with the emotional devastation I have gone through, and I am completely aware of how his actions have damaged my perception of what a "loving spouse" will do to another, especially upon the arrival of a new baby. The truth be told, I picked a very bad apple but didn't realize how bad until I was locked and loaded in the front seat of the runaway roller coaster.
So, that said...
If I do get involved with a future partner once things settle down, it goes without saying that this person would have a very active role in my child's life.
However, I am very seriously considering getting the procedure done so that I cannot have any future children.
Men, how would you perceive a woman in her mid-30's that has a child already and has gone through the procedure so that she cannot have any future children?
Would you consider a LTR with her based on that?
Would you not consider a LTR with her because of that, and why?
I'm 33, divorced, single full time parent of 1 child that is toddler age. The father is not extensively involved (in 1.5yrs, he's taken 3 visitations), so I don't have off weekends like other single parents, and we split because he walked out the door to live with his mistress. I found out that their affair started when our child was about 3 mths old (only found this out recently) and we split when our child was 6 mths old; since that time, his mistress has been a higher priority for him than his child. My ex husband did a number on me betraying me on every level imaginable - emotionally, socially among "his" people, financially, etc, etc. My ex went out of his way to destroy my faith in trusting a partner. His mistress is a diagnosed mentally unstable woman, and he has projected many of her manic ways in his attacks on me, and it seems like his attacks on me, at this point, are relentless.
(begs the question.. if he is so happy with her, why won't he leave me alone?! )
I am receiving help from a professional to cope with the emotional devastation I have gone through, and I am completely aware of how his actions have damaged my perception of what a "loving spouse" will do to another, especially upon the arrival of a new baby. The truth be told, I picked a very bad apple but didn't realize how bad until I was locked and loaded in the front seat of the runaway roller coaster.
So, that said...
If I do get involved with a future partner once things settle down, it goes without saying that this person would have a very active role in my child's life.
However, I am very seriously considering getting the procedure done so that I cannot have any future children.
Men, how would you perceive a woman in her mid-30's that has a child already and has gone through the procedure so that she cannot have any future children?
Would you consider a LTR with her based on that?
Would you not consider a LTR with her because of that, and why?
I'd imagine at that age most guys won't be looking to have more kids.
Do what's best for yourself and find someone that fits that. No use making a decision based on a non existent person.
Is it necessary to go through with the procedure? Can you not opt for something like implanon?
I can opt for long term BC to avoid pregnancy, the pro with a procedure is the extremely low chance of an accidental pregnancy in the future. Long term BC has to be renewed (every 3-5 yrs depending on type).
Are you thinking about this because you don't want more kids or is it because you're afraid of "what a loving spouse might do upon the arrival of a baby"?
I really am happy with just one child and my son really is the apple of my eye. I adore him. Having children was never on my gameplan, though, and my son was unplanned within a then 7 year relationship. I have enjoyed every moment of my son's growth and development, and I could potentially see myself doing it again with another child, but I don't necessarily want to.
The other half of it - my ex did the one thing to me that he knew, without a doubt, was my greatest fear with having a child. I never, ever wanted to be a single parent. This was a real life issue for me as I did not want to raise a child in a broken home. Yes, I legitimately have a fear of having more children and getting abandoned again. I do not know if I will be able to get beyond that fear. I have acknowledged it, but my current mindset is that I would rather eliminate the possibility.
I'm 33, divorced, single full time parent of 1 child that is toddler age. The father is not extensively involved (in 1.5yrs, he's taken 3 visitations), so I don't have off weekends like other single parents, and we split because he walked out the door to live with his mistress. I found out that their affair started when our child was about 3 mths old (only found this out recently) and we split when our child was 6 mths old; since that time, his mistress has been a higher priority for him than his child. My ex husband did a number on me betraying me on every level imaginable - emotionally, socially among "his" people, financially, etc, etc. My ex went out of his way to destroy my faith in trusting a partner. His mistress is a diagnosed mentally unstable woman, and he has projected many of her manic ways in his attacks on me, and it seems like his attacks on me, at this point, are relentless.
(begs the question.. if he is so happy with her, why won't he leave me alone?! )
I am receiving help from a professional to cope with the emotional devastation I have gone through, and I am completely aware of how his actions have damaged my perception of what a "loving spouse" will do to another, especially upon the arrival of a new baby. The truth be told, I picked a very bad apple but didn't realize how bad until I was locked and loaded in the front seat of the runaway roller coaster.
So, that said...
If I do get involved with a future partner once things settle down, it goes without saying that this person would have a very active role in my child's life.
However, I am very seriously considering getting the procedure done so that I cannot have any future children.
Men, how would you perceive a woman in her mid-30's that has a child already and has gone through the procedure so that she cannot have any future children?
Would you consider a LTR with her based on that?
Would you not consider a LTR with her because of that, and why?
I'm sorry for what you went through. This sounds rough.
Being mid 30s and a single mother is an obstacle. I can't speak to how many men that would be a dealbreaker for, but some amount. I would be open to dating women with children who cannot have additional children and I have before. I don't really want children, but I think I could really help another woman's children in a tutor/mentor type sense.
I always say it but I think if women are willing to lower their standards a bit regarding looks and social status/charisma, there is always a supply of good men who I couldn't even imagine thinking of doing such things to you, let along doing it.
I'm 33, divorced, single full time parent of 1 child that is toddler age. The father is not extensively involved (in 1.5yrs, he's taken 3 visitations), so I don't have off weekends like other single parents, and we split because he walked out the door to live with his mistress. I found out that their affair started when our child was about 3 mths old (only found this out recently) and we split when our child was 6 mths old; since that time, his mistress has been a higher priority for him than his child. My ex husband did a number on me betraying me on every level imaginable - emotionally, socially among "his" people, financially, etc, etc. My ex went out of his way to destroy my faith in trusting a partner. His mistress is a diagnosed mentally unstable woman, and he has projected many of her manic ways in his attacks on me, and it seems like his attacks on me, at this point, are relentless.
(begs the question.. if he is so happy with her, why won't he leave me alone?! )
I am receiving help from a professional to cope with the emotional devastation I have gone through, and I am completely aware of how his actions have damaged my perception of what a "loving spouse" will do to another, especially upon the arrival of a new baby. The truth be told, I picked a very bad apple but didn't realize how bad until I was locked and loaded in the front seat of the runaway roller coaster.
So, that said...
If I do get involved with a future partner once things settle down, it goes without saying that this person would have a very active role in my child's life.
However, I am very seriously considering getting the procedure done so that I cannot have any future children.
Men, how would you perceive a woman in her mid-30's that has a child already and has gone through the procedure so that she cannot have any future children? Would you consider a LTR with her based on that? Would you not consider a LTR with her because of that, and why?
I would think that there are several women in their thirties starting over. I wouldn't think anything of it. With the percentages of divorces, I would think that half the women your age are going through it.
A lot of people don't want children. I think more than ever. I even wonder anymore if I want them. At least I know I don't at this moment. Too many uncertainties.
I'm sure many men would consider a LTR with a women based on those issues. More people are dealing with those types of issues than you realize.
I wouldn't ever rule anyone out because they have one or two children from a failed marriage. Again, I think that many people are in this boat and it's really not a big deal.
You'll be fine. Just put out of your mind all of the negative thoughts that are lowering your self esteem. You had a dead beat/ cheating husband. Not your fault. Most likely that guy would have cheated on anyone, and most likely he is cheating on his current. Some zebras don't change their stripes.
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