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Old 02-27-2014, 08:53 AM
 
11,865 posts, read 16,973,653 times
Reputation: 20084

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Good grief. You guys are so dramatic. His question isn't all bad. He said it's what he would like in a mate - not what he requires. He's currently dating someone who doesn't fit all the criteria he listed, so that should be obvious.

Most people want certain things in a mate - that doesn't mean they won't accept anything else.
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Old 02-27-2014, 08:54 AM
 
Location: Viña del Mar, Chile
16,393 posts, read 30,872,263 times
Reputation: 16642
Quote:
Originally Posted by the minx View Post
Good grief. You guys are so dramatic. His question isn't all bad. He said it's what he would like in a mate - not what he requires. He's currently dating someone who doesn't fit all the criteria he listed, so that should be obvious.

Most people want certain things in a mate - that doesn't mean they won't accept anything else.

Yeah, but his post came off as not very nice.
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Old 02-27-2014, 12:32 PM
 
Location: cali
231 posts, read 263,888 times
Reputation: 282
recognize your priorities in a girl.

EVERYONE (including yourself) has some flaws.

If she meets most of your top priorities, then go for it.

- and the items you listed sound reasonable.
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Old 02-27-2014, 12:57 PM
 
Location: In the middle.
543 posts, read 533,363 times
Reputation: 571
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
You are setting yourself up for failure.

Any time you approach relationships with a shallow "checklist" mentality, you will never be satisfied because there will ALWAYS be something that didn't get checked.

Besides, when you fall in LOVE, you get qualities you didn't KNOW you wanted. And if you don't consider people because they don't check off your list, you will never know that.

And good luck finding someone with NO emotional baggage.
That was a checklist? The OP wants someone he's attracted to, who isn't a nutcase, is financially competent, is "outdoorsy" and wants kids. That's not exactly the classic rigid checklist that gets thrown about.
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Old 02-27-2014, 01:04 PM
 
4,613 posts, read 4,784,415 times
Reputation: 4098
Seriously, I wouldn't call his list that ridiculous, especially compared to so many others that literally narrow their dating pool down to 1 person.

The big catch I see is that most of the bullet points lean toward an older, more stable woman. Except the last one. "Open to having kids" gets harder and harder when it comes to women who meet most of the rest of the criteria. Just food for thought.
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Old 02-27-2014, 01:11 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,126 posts, read 107,402,364 times
Reputation: 115947
Quote:
Originally Posted by k374 View Post
I am a 40 year old man. Traits that's describe me would be:
- decent looking and in-shape albeit a bit on the shorter side (5'7 145lbs)
- financially stable (no debt, great career, well educated, good income, substantial savings)
- many diverse hobbies, i'm definitely more on the adventurous side
- well read, well traveled and can carry a conversation on many topics

My ideal woman would be someone who has similar traits including the following:

- someone I find at least moderately attractive, is in shape, wears heels regularly (I have a thing for them even though I am short!!
- someone who is financially stable and responsible (extremely important as I am quite anal about my finances and my financial goals - meaning good credit score (mine is 830!!!), ample savings, I don't so much care about absolute income as I care about living within one's means and expectations should match income
- pretty simple and down to earth and not into materialism, spends their money more on substance and things of meaning to them than to show off
- Easy to get along with and no emotional baggage (no jealously issues, no clingyness etc.)
- Shares my love for the outdoors - hiking, water sports, travel etc.
- Has no issues showing and receiving lots of affection (holding hands, hugging etc.) because I like that a lot
- Open to having kids

I am finding it exceptionally difficult to find any woman who matches all of my criteria. Am I expecting too much or is there something wrong with what I am doing? I do find women matching some of the criteria but not all. If they are adventurous then they have some serious financial issues, if they are financially great then they have serious emotional baggage, this is just so frustrating.

I am currently in a relationship with a girl who is great but she is emotionally troubled and has family drama, has debts, is quite a bit overweight, does not wear heels LOL although she would be pretty attractive if she lost weight, is a bit insecure and clingy at times. Pros are she is incredibly affectionate, shares the love for the outdoors with me and is very adventurous, extremely good with kids, good cook.

What do I do? Should I move on and keep looking for the perfect one or is compromise the only option?
I see a potential contradiction in the bolded. Maybe not, but many women who are into heels are into shoes (spending money things you'd consider frivolous) and fashion, i.e. materialism.
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Old 02-27-2014, 01:12 PM
 
Location: Kirkland, WA (Metro Seattle)
6,031 posts, read 6,116,208 times
Reputation: 12508
Quote:
Originally Posted by k374 View Post
I am a 40 year old man. Traits that's describe me would be:
- decent looking and in-shape albeit a bit on the shorter side (5'7 145lbs)
- financially stable (no debt, great career, well educated, good income, substantial savings)
- many diverse hobbies, i'm definitely more on the adventurous side
- well read, well traveled and can carry a conversation on many topics

What do I do? Should I move on and keep looking for the perfect one or is compromise the only option?
Actually, there are plenty of legitimate women in Russia and other FSU who would find you interesting, based on your asks. You are not "out of options," you need to throw the Box away and reinvent a new Box (relationship paradigm).

I've dated two of them, one local to my area (the best kind: aspect of both Old Country, and New World) and other based in Zurich. I think Zurich made more money than I did, though I didn't get around to asking in-detail. I let both of them go, that was my choice due to compatibility problems, but the point is still valid: they are real, "if" you put in the substantial work to find them.

How to find them, screen them for pranks and grifters, etc. is a vast subject but with tons of data to be researched. I assure you it can be done, if you are presentable, a winner (or at least determined to win), clever, thoughtful, willing to travel, and willing to try something off the beaten path. You will need means, for travel to FSU countries, probably half dozen times or more. Really going for it is a non-trivial matter.

My buddy who just got married six months ago met his fiancee in Russia and traveled there an even dozen times, over three years, getting to know her and her family in exhaustive detail. He's the exception for thoroughness, but I must say: she's one impressive lady and I have high hopes for them over the long-haul.

I am generalizing, but most FSU women who put themselves out there to be found by legitimate suitors are "still":

- Well put together. Usually, "exceptionally" well. Most Russian guys are bums with low life expectancy. Supply and demand encourages women to look, and present, like so-called "traditional" gals. A lot of guys like that; I certainly do (did).

- Want to have families. Almost all do. They are feisty, devoted wives and mothers IF you act like a man and don't take any of their siht (fight back!).

- Mentally strong, and strong-willed: takes a certain kind of man to keep them in-line, you've got to meet passion with passion (and patience).

- In the end, willing to move heaven and earth to achieve their goals of family, security, and future for themselves and their children (with you). If you do your part, they will too.

Think on it, decide what you are willing to do. Take steps.
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Old 02-27-2014, 01:14 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,126 posts, read 107,402,364 times
Reputation: 115947
Quote:
Originally Posted by flathead4 View Post
That was a checklist? The OP wants someone he's attracted to, who isn't a nutcase, is financially competent, is "outdoorsy" and wants kids. That's not exactly the classic rigid checklist that gets thrown about.
He's got a lot more on his list than that. He wants outdoorsy, and non-materialistic, sensible spender. But he also wants a woman who's into wearing heels.

He may find her, but she would probably be in the unicorn supply shop.
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Old 02-27-2014, 01:17 PM
 
7,293 posts, read 4,078,640 times
Reputation: 4670
Quote:
Originally Posted by k374 View Post
I am a 40 year old man. Traits that's describe me would be:
- decent looking and in-shape albeit a bit on the shorter side (5'7 145lbs)
- financially stable (no debt, great career, well educated, good income, substantial savings)
- many diverse hobbies, i'm definitely more on the adventurous side
- well read, well traveled and can carry a conversation on many topics

My ideal woman would be someone who has similar traits including the following:

- someone I find at least moderately attractive, is in shape, wears heels regularly (I have a thing for them even though I am short!!
- someone who is financially stable and responsible (extremely important as I am quite anal about my finances and my financial goals - meaning good credit score (mine is 830!!!), ample savings, I don't so much care about absolute income as I care about living within one's means and expectations should match income
- pretty simple and down to earth and not into materialism, spends their money more on substance and things of meaning to them than to show off
- Easy to get along with and no emotional baggage (no jealously issues, no clingyness etc.)
- Shares my love for the outdoors - hiking, water sports, travel etc.
- Has no issues showing and receiving lots of affection (holding hands, hugging etc.) because I like that a lot
- Open to having kids

I am finding it exceptionally difficult to find any woman who matches all of my criteria. Am I expecting too much or is there something wrong with what I am doing? I do find women matching some of the criteria but not all. If they are adventurous then they have some serious financial issues, if they are financially great then they have serious emotional baggage, this is just so frustrating.

I am currently in a relationship with a girl who is great but she is emotionally troubled and has family drama, has debts, is quite a bit overweight, does not wear heels LOL although she would be pretty attractive if she lost weight, is a bit insecure and clingy at times. Pros are she is incredibly affectionate, shares the love for the outdoors with me and is very adventurous, extremely good with kids, good cook.

What do I do? Should I move on and keep looking for the perfect one or is compromise the only option?
I'm 5'8" and I feel very awkward when I wear heels next to short guys. Like a giant oafish amazon.

If you find yourself thinking "she would be pretty attractive if she lost weight" you should cut her loose so she can meet someone who can appreciate her as she is. You don't love her.
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Old 02-27-2014, 01:20 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,126 posts, read 107,402,364 times
Reputation: 115947
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blondebaerde View Post
I am generalizing, but most FSU women who put themselves out there to be found by legitimate suitors are "still":

- Well put together. Usually, "exceptionally" well. Most Russian guys are bums with low life expectancy. Supply and demand encourages women to look, and present, like so-called "traditional" gals. A lot of guys like that; I certainly do (did).
Have you seen the young FSU women in the US? Student-age types, early-to-mid 20's? Not well put-together. Yoga pants are very popular. They tend to look like they're for sale, or like trailer trash.

Also be aware that there are a few Russian women who are already living here, who got out on a fake marriage (that their poor American husbands thought was real), and divorced as soon as the law allowed. And there are others who came over with their parents when the girls were still in their teens. Some of those are actually nice people. The point is, you may not have to look as far as you think. With so many single Russian women already living in the US, I don't know why men think they have to go all the way to Russia. At least if she's already here, you know she's not marrying you for your visa potential.
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