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The risks increase with age, but with a risk assessment of 1 in 350, the odds are still in the mother's favor. The majority of babies born with Down syndrome are born to mothers below the age of 35 because these women make up the larger demographic of women having children. I was 23 when my first son was conceived, and guess what? He had Down syndrome, although for him, his heart defects, were fatal. My chances of conceiving another child with Down syndrome increased by 1%. My risk assessment when I was pregnant with my second son, several months later, was 1 in 380. I was not the least bit concerned about whether he'd have Down syndrome. I was most concerned about whether he would live.
Risks for a lot of things increase for a variety of reasons. However, I don't think there should be a huge imperative for one to "settle" simply to avoid the increase in these risks.
This is hyperbole, right? It must be, because it's completely nonsensical and obtuse for it not to be.
No, it's because of obligatory screening for high-risk pregnancies (and believe it or not, they qualify a first-time 35 y/o mother into this category by default, regardless of it, while a 25 y/o mother will only qualify for specific reasons). Another factor is that mothers over 40 y/o have obligatory screening for numerous common anomalies associated with older mothers in many countries (Down syndrome being one of those things that they screen for) and they massively abort pregnancies if the children are simply suspected to have Down syndrome.
Younger mothers tend to be more frequent smokers, more into drinking alcohol, more likely to smoke pot or use drugs, more likely to be anxious and heavily stressed due to financial or other situation in general - yet older mothers tend to be qualified into high-risk pregnancies with numerous screenings and insurance companies are obliged to cover it in recent decades, those are numerous extra tests that cost lots of money and it's one of the reasons why pregnancies are becoming more and more expensive in their total costs.
Other than that, @OP: lots of things mentioned in the opening post are result of news portals deliberately trying to misrepresent the data to manipulate their readers' opinions and lots of it is used for political agendas.
How do you know what I have read and whether or it is was factual?
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I think they are spinning things with out giving you all the facts.
Who do you mean when you say "they"?
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At the end of the day - if it is this important to you to have children in your 20's - you should do so.
Agreed
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And I don't believe that happiness is a different subject. When contemplating starting a family - happiness should be a the root of everything.
Disagree. This why many people selfishly break up their families, the idea that your personal happiness is the root of everything. "Although we have no real problems, I wasn't happy so I left my spouse" or "My children deserve to see me happy so I am getting a divorce." It's a very selfish viewpoint.
You believe the things you read - I think they are spinning things with out giving you all the facts. At the end of the day - if it is this important to you to have children in your 20's - you should do so.
Actually, I read studies, and the ones that paint a dire picture of fertility for women over 35 are a study of birth records from the 1800s, and are just birth records with no indication of whether the women in the study were even trying to conceive. If it's important to you to have kids in your 20s, of course you should do so. If it's important to establish a career, then you should do that. If you want to do both, find a house husband. All choices have consequences, just choose what's important to you and make that your priority. I think that's obvious.
You can make it your priority to get married and start a family by x age, but that doesn't mean it's going to happen for you. These things do not exist in a vacuum.
How do you know what I have read and whether or it is was factual?
Who do you mean when you say "they"?
Agreed
Disagree. This why many people selfishly break up their families, the idea that your personal happiness is the root of everything. "Although we have no real problems, I wasn't happy so I left my spouse" or "My children deserve to see me happy so I am getting a divorce." It's a very selfish viewpoint.
I'll just say that I would never have married my husband nor started a family with him if we didn't derive happiness from these things. I do not see getting married or having children as an obligation or something to be simply endured. My husband and my children are a source of great love and happiness for me. We don't view divorce as an option. The type of happiness I am talking about isn't a fleeting amusement - it's something deep, meaningful, and lasting.
You and I have vastly different views on life - and that's totally fine.
I think people should wait to get married until they find the right person. If that happens at 25 - great! If that happens at 35 - great!
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Originally Posted by Dewdrop93
That's great that you are so happy with your life. Other people might be happy with their lives, too - even though they made different choices than you did. Different strokes for different folks. I just worry about my own choices and whether or not my family is happy.
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Originally Posted by Dewdrop93
That's how you read her post? She just wondered if their master degrees were worth it? She wasn't critical at all? Uh huh.
I think people should live their lives the way that is best for them. If you meet your soul mate at 22 and choose to get married and have children - that's great! If you don't meet your soul mate until you are 39 and you have children at 40 - that's great! I would never advise someone to get married as soon as possible just to have children if they haven't met the right person yet - that's how divorces are made. I would also never tell someone to NOT get married and have children in their 20's if that's what they feel is best for them. If you are an empty nester at 45 - that's great! You have lots of time to travel and relax while you are in your 40's and 50's! If you waited to have children until later - you probably did a lot of traveling and whatnot in your 20's and 30's! It's just a trade off and I don't think there is a right or wrong way to do things.
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Originally Posted by Dewdrop93
I don't think that 20 year old women are in the dark about their reproductive abilities. I don't see a point in getting married to someone that isn't right for you just so that you can have children. That's only going to lead to divorce or an unhappy marriage. If you don't find the right person until later in life - there are options if you want to have children. In addition to this - fertility isn't something you can predict. Some women are unable to have children at any age. Say a 24 year old decides to marry someone she isn't really in love with because she feels that she shouldn't wait to have children - and then she finds out she's infertile. I know women that have had trouble getting pregnant in their 20's and I know women that had no problem getting pregnant in their late 30's. There are no guarantees about this - better to find the right partner and take it from there.
My advice to people would be to be open to love. It might find when you when you are 16 or 46. Don't put off falling in love and don't put pressure on yourself to find it by a certain date. Just be open to it at any age.
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Originally Posted by Dewdrop93
I had my first child at 35 and my second at 37. They are both healthy little boys! My obgyn wasn't concerned with my age. People should make the choices that are best for them. My husband and I were married for about 6 years before we decided to start our family. It was what was best for us.
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Originally Posted by Dewdrop93
I also think that a person's family has a lot to do with this. If someone from a wealthy family gets pregnant as a teenager, chances are that they will have an easier time staying on track career wise than a person whose own parent was a teenage mother and doesn't have a high school education.
I'm not sure what you think are anomalies. I know SO many women that have had healthy babies in their mid-late 30's, and some even in their 40's. It's not an anomaly if it's the majority of your friends. And I also know people that have fertility trouble from their mid-20's and on. The truth of the matter is that you have NO IDEA how hard or easy it is going to be for someone to conceive until they actually start trying.
As to what is wise for people to do? That depends on the person - but personally, I would NEVER marry someone unless it was for the right reasons. Having a child is very hard - if you don't have a strong foundation in your relationship - it can tear you two apart. I would tell everyone to only marry and start a family with someone they are deeply in love with, have incredible trust in, and have open communication with. You don't believe in soul mates - that's fine. I believe that I found my soul mate and I would never have settled for anything less.
We all make our own choices in life. I'm not going to tell others what to do. I'm not going to judge others for their decisions. What I would share with people is that having children is the best thing that has ever happened to me - but it's also the hardest thing I've ever done and I'm so grateful to have my true love by my side on this journey.
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Originally Posted by Dewdrop93
I'm not being dishonest. Yes - a woman's fertility decreases as she ages. But let's not try to scare women into marrying people they shouldn't simply because they want to have children. A lot of these studies and articles about fertility are presented in a way to scare women. And I'm not sharing anecdotes - more and more women are having children in their 30's. I'm not talking about women in their late 40's. I live outside of NYC after living in NYC for 12 years - most of my friends starting having children in their 30's. A few of them had fertility issues. So did a couple of my friends in their 20's. My aunt had major issues - I can't imagine going through what she went through - and she was in her 20's. In terms of miscarriages - many women have had miscarriages at any age. I had one in between having my two sons. Chances of having a miscarriage increase with age - but the harsh reality is that about 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage. Many miscarriages occur before a woman might even know she is pregnant. I had one at 8 weeks - and then got pregnant with my second son 6 weeks later and had no problems. And I know many, many women that had miscarriages in their 20's. There are a lot of things that aren't talked about until you've gone through it yourself or until all your friends are having children.
But the "honesty" that I'm trying to inject into the conversation is that there are no guarantees when it comes to having children. You could be infertile in your 20's and you could have healthy children in your early 40's. So much of it depends on your own health, your genes, your weight, etc. Yes, it's probably physically easier to have children younger - but if you are single, making minimum wage, and are in school - it's probably better to wait until you have some stability in your life. There are so many factors involved in starting a family - to base it only on age isn't the wisest idea, in my opinion. My husband and I waited until we had a house - since we didn't think it would be that great to have a baby in our 300 square foot studio apartment.
And like I keep saying - everyone should make the best choice for themselves. But I don't see it as a good idea to settle for someone that you aren't really in love with simply because you want children. Most of those marriages end up unhappy or in divorce - and that isn't something that most people aspire to. Life isn't fair. Maybe you never meet someone you want to marry so you never have children. Maybe you choose to have a child on your own. Maybe you accidentally get pregnant in high school and decide to keep the baby. Maybe you have the career of your dreams and ignore your love life and then feel unfulfilled. We all make choices in our lives - I would just advise people to make the choices that are the best for them.
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Originally Posted by Dewdrop93
You are free to do whatever you would like with your life. I'm beyond happy with the choices that I have made but I would never presume to say what would make someone else happy. If you want to have an arranged marriage and have children at 20 - you are free to do so. I'm not sure why you are trying to argue with me when all I'm saying is that people should make the decisions that are best for them.
I married for love and we had our children when we were ready. These were the choices that were best for me.
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Originally Posted by Dewdrop93
You believe the things you read - I think they are spinning things with out giving you all the facts. At the end of the day - if it is this important to you to have children in your 20's - you should do so.
And I don't believe that happiness is a different subject. When contemplating starting a family - happiness should be a the root of everything.
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Originally Posted by GraciousVox
That said i am glad you are happy with your life. I suggest you so believing your way is the only path.... Or at least stop vocalizing it so much. Your easy isn't the only way.
Yeah - I have no idea why you think I'm saying my way is the only path or that I'm even vocalizing that.
There is so much wrong with this post - I don't even know where to begin. Instead, I'll just say that making cruel judgements to others rarely makes people feel better about themselves.
In addition to this - I know many women, including myself, who have had children in our 30's. All the children are healthy and none of them have Down syndrome or anything. And even if they did - the wouldn't be loved any less. Oh - and women in their teens and 20's can give birth to children with disabilities and problems as well. Age if the mother is not a guarantee of a perfect baby. And if you need to have a perfect baby - you probably shouldn't be having children.
Right...So there's nothing wrong with increasing the chances of one's child having mental disabilities for one's own benefit? The odd's aren't orders of magnitude greater, but that attitude comes off as pretty seflish at the cost of the child's potential future.
Simple
Don't get married. That'll save you time, money and heart ache if and when it goes south.
That's stupid. You could be missing out on what might make your life awesome. Who wants to live alone their whole life?
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