Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Here's the short version of my story. I'm 30 in a serious relationship with my boyfriend for over two years. Normally all is cool with us, but he has this think where he is very insecure and sensitive. He is constantly asking me questions about my past relationships. Details about sexual things etc. Want's to know if he is hotter, better etc etc than these other guys. Want's to know detailed sexual things and how many times Ive done them with these guys versus him.
He talks about these guys every day!!! i have to re -assure him daily that he is better, hotter, better in bed etc than these guys every day..!
Example.. he asked me if I've slept with any exes several day in a row.. I said yes.. he is upset because he thinks that means they meant more to me than him???
This is very odd to me. I understand being insecure, but all these questions etc on a daily basis?
Also in general he is sensitive. If I'm not feeling well and don't feel like coming over one night he gets very hurt and upset. I didn't feel like making out with him once so I pushed him away gently and starting hugging him and now he says I"m not attracted to him anymore which is not true at all.. (there were distractions in my house I was trying to deal with at the moment of this kiss)
If he is driving you crazy then why you put up with him?
This guy has some serious issues. Are you going to continue this craziness?? Seriously?
Do you need this daily drama? It's not going to get better, believe me...
if you are his "girlfriend" then be his girlfriend,,,not his mother ,, not his therapist,,,be yourself, who you are with confidence..
look at him,,,and kurtly say- im not who i am 20 yrs ago, 10, yrs ago, 5, yrs ago, or last year,,, i am who i am today,,,and if you dont want me today ,,then maybe we need a rest, time apart for a while, "i refuse to feel shamed" on anything thats happened before"
what he's doing is pulling controlling strings,,, he feels threatened or depressed, and trying to pull you down too
sounds like he's got some issues...
tell him you may want some time apart,,,to fix himself,,,
Tell him, "sweetie, I'm really tired always trying to coddle and reassure you as if you were 10 years old. So, you either grow up right now, or I leave right now look for a grown man."
then do it.
Coddling these types is exhausting and futile. and you know it.
Tell him, "sweetie, I'm really tired always trying to coddle and reassure you as if you were 10 years old. So, you either grow up right now, or I leave right now look for a grown man."
then do it.
Coddling these types is exhausting and futile. and you know it.
AMEN!
OP, people can only make you crazy if you let them. Reality is that you are making yourself crazy catering to his fragile ego. You've been with him for two years. If he's not secure at this point, he never will be.
And frankly, it is nosy and disrespectful of him to grill you like that. (Of course, I'm assuming you do not do that to him.) It's one thing to know that you've had previous boyfriends and know, in a very general sense, some of your memories of them and maybe even why you broke up and what you learned from your past relationships. But the gory details are none of his business, and that goes twice over for the sexual details. Your past intimacies were between you and your ex-boyfriends and should remain so. Respect yourself and them, and tell your SO exactly what Steelstress said. Enough is enough.
It think how he's expressing it is a bit much but maybe you need to show him admiration more? Guys REALLY need that. Tell him how proud of him you are or how he looks nice. I didn't realize men needed validation too, but they do.
It's exhausting just reading your OP. I can't imagine living with that day in and day out. He needs professional help. The next time he pulls this stuff, tell him how disappointed you are that he can't appreciate how devoted you are to him. Tell him he makes you feel like you're a stranger to him, because he can't appreciate how much you care for him, and how faithful you are to him. I'd love to hear how that goes down with him.
Have you ever given him reason to question your devotion and commitment?
I tend to see people who have these issues "suddenly" show up as having a history that went ignored while they where getting to know one another and when the puppy love wears off things start to be seriously questioned.
IE: what to stop them doing this to me?
How did your relationship start? Where any if you involved when you started to talk as more than just friends?
If you want to understand his source of insecurity you will have to ask him directly and be prepared to have a discussion about what you both want and where you are both headed together.
Don't leave this as an issue in the background to swell in his mind and make your relationship miserable. TALK
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
