Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 03-03-2014, 10:56 AM
 
Location: Somewhere in a Field of Hopes and Dreams
596 posts, read 628,964 times
Reputation: 683

Advertisements

Hi everyone, so I posted a couple of post in the last few days that all dealt with me asking a guy out.

Last week, I received this message on Facebook from this guy I go to school with. Initially, I thought nothing of it, and because we are both RAs on campus, I assumed he was probably going to ask me to cover his shift…but that question never came. The conversation kinda fizzled out, but it had started with him just wanting to know how I had been, he said we hadn’t talked in awhile–thing is WE NEVER talk–this is no exaggeration. With no obvious reasoning behind him reaching out to me, I couldn’t help but think there must have been something that spurred him to message me, out of all people. My friend, said she believed he liked me, operating on the logic that if we don’t talk nor see each other on a regular basis and he messages you looking to fish for a conversation or small talk he must be interested. I thought well maybe he was just bored on facebook, my friends response was “if he’s bored, why would he message a girl he rarely talks to when he could message several other girls HE DOES talk to?”

**NOTE** This may all seem incredibly silly, but it was just important for me to know if my friend was right and he liked me because I hear this stuff all the time. Whether its just my friends reading into things, or a guy's friend telling me first hand his friend likes me, I always hear this, but then the guy never seems to show me any real interest. I think in part, I may just be bad at reading the interest level of guys. If a guy smiles at me, I just assume he's being nice, if he makes conversation--well I'm a talker--I assume he's just being friendly. I just wanted to see if my initial thoughts on this guy were right: I wasn't his type or if my friend's view was right: and he was actually interested in me.


(For those who know the story--Start here) __________________________________________________

Either way, I thought why not, I’m open to getting to know this guy. I had never thought of the possibility of a me and him before this message, and truth be told, I never bothered crushing on him–some people you just don’t, for the sake of your ego, you just don’t. I thought however, now that my friend has me wondering, this is going to drive me “crazy,” until I have the answers. I was tired of constantly coming to forums whenever there was a potential guy but never making the move because I was too focused on deciphering little things. I thought be brave and just ask him to hang out. So last night, we received word that our campus would be closed because of the snow, and so last night, I sent him a message via fb (only point of contact)asking if he’d “like to grab lunch or hang out tomorrow since we will be out of class?”

He said “sure, as long as I can get out of my apartment lol” meaning if the snow wasn’t too deep (guess that was his joke). Well I’m a bit of a cynic when it comes to snow, especially because of the region I live in, it’s always a hit or miss. Because we are RAs, I assumed he was saying he may have duty (Which means you have to stay in your building all day, on the day when we have no school and monitor your community.)

So I asked him, “oh are you on duty?” He said no, “I meant the snow lol.” Throughout this entire exchange, he would take 20, 30 minute increment responses. At this point I had went out with a friend to an Oscar party, so I wasn’t looking to be bounded to my phone, checking if he replied…especially since he was taking forever to respond. Well of course, with my poor dating skills, no number was ever exchanged and he never followed up the conversation, so although he said yes, and although he originally initiated contact with me, he didn’t actually make an effort to make concrete plans with me.

Not only do I feel slightly so dumb in believing he may have been interested, I also feel silly in thinking that someone–I originally ruled out as out of my league–like him would like me, after I told myself long before I ever met him to not bother liking him, it'll just be unrequited–and my initial instincts were right!

SO PART of me is ranting I guess, but the other part of me is curious what do you think his reason was for contacting me then?? Sure it may on the surface seem as obvious as just to talk, but who messages people they don’t really talk to, to talk on facebook?!?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 03-03-2014, 12:25 PM
 
Location: Viña del Mar, Chile
16,391 posts, read 30,976,343 times
Reputation: 16646
Quote:
Originally Posted by MMorena View Post
SO PART of me is ranting I guess, but the other part of me is curious what do you think his reason was for contacting me then?? Sure it may on the surface seem as obvious as just to talk, but who messages people they don’t really talk to, to talk on facebook?!?
Most normal people.

Who still talks on Facebook?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-03-2014, 12:30 PM
 
896 posts, read 1,179,309 times
Reputation: 1283
If he were interested, he would have asked you out. It is as simple as that. Yes people will disagree and claim that the guy could be shy etc and that is why he didn't ask you out... Wrong 90% of the time! He messenged you because he was bored that day or really just wanted to say hello. He may come back at some point for casual sex, but that doesn't seem likely since he put you off due to potential snow conditions.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-03-2014, 01:03 PM
 
896 posts, read 1,179,309 times
Reputation: 1283
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mike Yanagita View Post
Maybe he is thinking the same thing.
Nope, that's a bunch of modern day nonsense. If a man wants to date you, he will ask you out. As simple as that. Hell read the opening post again, she put it all out there that she wanted to hang out and he said what about the snow, lol... Come on. If he were interested, he would have ran with this extremely obvious opening. Our he would have suggested alternate plans. Why didn't he? He isn't attracted to her.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-03-2014, 01:04 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,217 posts, read 100,845,499 times
Reputation: 40206
Quote:
Originally Posted by MMorena View Post
Hi everyone, so I posted a couple of post in the last few days that all dealt with me asking a guy out.

Last week, I received this message on Facebook from this guy I go to school with. Initially, I thought nothing of it, and because we are both RAs on campus, I assumed he was probably going to ask me to cover his shift…but that question never came. The conversation kinda fizzled out, but it had started with him just wanting to know how I had been, he said we hadn’t talked in awhile–thing is WE NEVER talk–this is no exaggeration. With no obvious reasoning behind him reaching out to me, I couldn’t help but think there must have been something that spurred him to message me, out of all people. My friend, said she believed he liked me, operating on the logic that if we don’t talk nor see each other on a regular basis and he messages you looking to fish for a conversation or small talk he must be interested. I thought well maybe he was just bored on facebook, my friends response was “if he’s bored, why would he message a girl he rarely talks to when he could message several other girls HE DOES talk to?”

**NOTE** This may all seem incredibly silly, but it was just important for me to know if my friend was right and he liked me because I hear this stuff all the time. Whether its just my friends reading into things, or a guy's friend telling me first hand his friend likes me, I always hear this, but then the guy never seems to show me any real interest. I think in part, I may just be bad at reading the interest level of guys. If a guy smiles at me, I just assume he's being nice, if he makes conversation--well I'm a talker--I assume he's just being friendly. I just wanted to see if my initial thoughts on this guy were right: I wasn't his type or if my friend's view was right: and he was actually interested in me.


(For those who know the story--Start here) __________________________________________________

Either way, I thought why not, I’m open to getting to know this guy. I had never thought of the possibility of a me and him before this message, and truth be told, I never bothered crushing on him–some people you just don’t, for the sake of your ego, you just don’t. I thought however, now that my friend has me wondering, this is going to drive me “crazy,” until I have the answers. I was tired of constantly coming to forums whenever there was a potential guy but never making the move because I was too focused on deciphering little things. I thought be brave and just ask him to hang out. So last night, we received word that our campus would be closed because of the snow, and so last night, I sent him a message via fb (only point of contact)asking if he’d “like to grab lunch or hang out tomorrow since we will be out of class?”

He said “sure, as long as I can get out of my apartment lol” meaning if the snow wasn’t too deep (guess that was his joke). Well I’m a bit of a cynic when it comes to snow, especially because of the region I live in, it’s always a hit or miss. Because we are RAs, I assumed he was saying he may have duty (Which means you have to stay in your building all day, on the day when we have no school and monitor your community.)

So I asked him, “oh are you on duty?” He said no, “I meant the snow lol.” Throughout this entire exchange, he would take 20, 30 minute increment responses. At this point I had went out with a friend to an Oscar party, so I wasn’t looking to be bounded to my phone, checking if he replied…especially since he was taking forever to respond. Well of course, with my poor dating skills, no number was ever exchanged and he never followed up the conversation, so although he said yes, and although he originally initiated contact with me, he didn’t actually make an effort to make concrete plans with me.

Not only do I feel slightly so dumb in believing he may have been interested, I also feel silly in thinking that someone–I originally ruled out as out of my league–like him would like me, after I told myself long before I ever met him to not bother liking him, it'll just be unrequited–and my initial instincts were right!

SO PART of me is ranting I guess, but the other part of me is curious what do you think his reason was for contacting me then?? Sure it may on the surface seem as obvious as just to talk, but who messages people they don’t really talk to, to talk on facebook?!?

Here's the hard truth - listen up - anything anyone here would tell you regarding a person none of us know is just pure conjecture, opinion without any evidence or proof - A GUESS.

You are not only ranting, you are ruminating STOP IT, for your own sake.

There is no such thing as "leagues" - only silly stories we tell ourselves to make excuses for why we don't have what we think we want.

Emotionally, YOU are your only competition in life.

Read that again and make it your goal to quit being your own worst enemy. You are just wasting your time doing anything else.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-03-2014, 01:06 PM
 
Location: Pa
42,763 posts, read 52,943,325 times
Reputation: 25363
Omg are we still on this facebook thing? Its nuts.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-03-2014, 01:09 PM
 
1,226 posts, read 1,452,086 times
Reputation: 1294
I actually don't see how he is not interested. You ask him first, so why do you expect him to tell you where and when? Why didn't you say EXACTLY where and when you wanna do lunch?

Your question was so vague. By the way, his response is obvious that he is interested in you. So I don't get why you think it backfired?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-03-2014, 01:09 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,217 posts, read 100,845,499 times
Reputation: 40206
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mike Yanagita View Post
The genders could be reversed in your post and it would be just as true.

Why does the man have to do all the work? How sexist.

Why can't modern, empowered, liberated and independent women take the risk of putting themselves out there? After all, they're equal to men in every way, right?
I do not see how you can read what GraciousVox wrote as sexist

Gracious just wrote the truth. Which is, when a man is truly interested in a woman he will let her know.

Nobody here said a woman can't ask a man out - you are projecting something into the conversation that isn't there.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-03-2014, 01:15 PM
 
896 posts, read 1,179,309 times
Reputation: 1283
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mike Yanagita View Post
The genders could be reversed in your post and it would be just as true.

Why does the man have to do all the work? How sexist.

Why can't modern, empowered, liberated and independent women take the risk of putting themselves out there? After all, they're equal to men in every way, right?
Did you not read the opening post? She DID put herself out there and got a "what about the snow, lol" response. She got rejected.

If he were truly interested, he would have let her know in the first place. He didn't. He was probably standing on a long line at the supermarket and reached out that day to everyone online.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-03-2014, 01:16 PM
 
896 posts, read 1,179,309 times
Reputation: 1283
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesmountains View Post
i do not see how you can read what graciousvox wrote as sexist

Gracious just wrote the truth. Which is, when a man is truly interested in a woman he will let her know.

Nobody here said a woman can't ask a man out - you are projecting something into the conversation that isn't there.
+1
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top