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it is strange how often i see posters here use the term "red flag" like if a guy has any short coming "run away" is the relatonship advice often thrown out. and the funny thing is that i rarely, if ever, hear the use of the term "red flag" amongst my friends and dates. yeah yeah, i'm sure you going to tell me you use it in your social circles all the time, but that may an indication of something else going on: self-elimination.
i think when we close the door based on imperfections, you are essentially closing the door on many possibilities. because i know very few people who don't have any personal challenges in their life and relationships. and for me, a relationship is about caring for someone and being better because your together.
then i've also come to embrace a new saying that i'd like to share: "be the person you would want to date".
We seem to live in a "throw away" society. It would appear.
I can't tell you how many times I read a thread here and one of the first posts in response is "kick their azz to the curb" or somehting along those lines.
My friends and I do use the term "red flag" in our conversations. I use it especially with one of my friends that used to continually pick horrible people to be involved in. I told her that she needed to pay attention to the red flags instead of continually ignoring them. Like the guy that sent her the picture of an aborted fetus after they had a debate on abortion - and he didn't know that she had had one years before. All she had told me about him was that he was a great guy - so I was shocked that he would do something like that. Then she told me that there had been red flags but that she had just ignored them. A "red flag" isn't the same thing as an imperfection - it's a warning sign that you probably shouldn't be with this person.
It depends on the situation. The advice given to a married couple would be different than a couple who's dating. There was a thread a while back where people were advising a guy who'd been with his girlfriend for something like three or four months to go to counseling to work through their issues. The point of dating is to find someone compatible. If a couple is having counseling-worthy problems that early on, it's okay to tell them to go their separate ways. Not every relationship is worth fighting for.
We seem to live in a "throw away" society. It would appear.
I can't tell you how many times I read a thread here and one of the first posts in response is "kick their azz to the curb" or somehting along those lines.
well, i agree but sadly i often think it's easier just to be a back seat relationship advisor (yes, no, maybe so) to others when your own emotions and self-esteem are not at risk.
well, i agree but sadly i often think it's easier just to be a back seat relationship advisor (yes, no, maybe so) to others when your own emotions and self-esteem are not at risk.
Sure, when there isn't a dog in the race it's much easier to judge.
My friends and I do use the term "red flag" in our conversations. I use it especially with one of my friends that used to continually pick horrible people to be involved in. I told her that she needed to pay attention to the red flags instead of continually ignoring them. Like the guy that sent her the picture of an aborted fetus after they had a debate on abortion - and he didn't know that she had had one years before. All she had told me about him was that he was a great guy - so I was shocked that he would do something like that. Then she told me that there had been red flags but that she had just ignored them. A "red flag" isn't the same thing as an imperfection - it's a warning sign that you probably shouldn't be with this person.
that's what i am saying, if you are always looking for warning signs and creating them, you end up taking no emotional risk to even a meaningful relationship possible.
and i get your example, but "red flags" have been thrown on here even when i guy doesn't leave enough of a tip. like, really?
that's what i am saying, if you are always looking for warning signs and creating them, you end up taking no emotional risk to even a meaningful relationship possible.
and i get your example, but "red flags" have been thrown on here when i guy doesn't leave enough of a tip. like, really?
If you have a history of picking the wrong person to be with - I think you SHOULD look out for warning signs. If you always wind up with cheaters - you should definitely be on your guard. Looking for warning signs is not the same thing as creating them. As far as tipping goes - that depends on what you are talking about. Honestly, if I was out with someone and they only tipped 5% - that would be a big deal to me. I would probably ask them why they were only tipping 5% and would leave extra money on the table. I'm a generous person and I like to be with generous people. I wouldn't really call that a "red flag" but I wouldn't ignore it either.
Different things are important to different people.
Red flag is not the same as short coming or imperfection...
A red flag is a telltale sign that a person does not have the same motivations or intentions
funny, they use to call that compatibility i think.
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