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My boyfriend and I broke up last year (mutual decision) and I directly went back to my home city (around 2000km from the city where we lived together), even considering to quit my job here and get a job in my home city.
We were broken up for only two months. He reached out to me after not having contact for more than a month and when he was in my city for business reasons (that's how we met.. he has to go once or twice a month to my home city) he kissed me, we slept together and we spend the whole two days together until he had to go back. We didn't talk about being in a relationship again, but I could see in his face that he still loved me. After this we kept texting every day and he asked me if I wanna meet him again a week later. I said yes. We met and the same happened. Kissing, sex and two wonderful days. In the end of his stay we talked a bit more serious. He said that he still loves me very much, thought all the time about me, but that he doesn't know where this is going, that he still has some doubts about us being a couple. He said though that he wants to keep seeing me and wants to give us another try to see where it goes.
At that point he didn't know that I already planned to move back to his city. I was in my home city for a month but realized that I don't wanna give up my life in the city we lived together. Not because of him, but because of my great job and the friends I have there. A few days later I told him I'll be moving back (but into an own apartment without him of course) and he told me he was happy and scared at the same time because he didn't know how it's going to be with us. I then moved back and everything came differently than we both expected- We never said 'So, now we're a couple again' but we just knew we were. Ever since I'm back he calls me his girlfriend again, brings me to his parents, friends and we spend all of our free time together. Our relationship is really wonderful now and we're making plans for the future.
Then, a week ago, I found out that he had another girl last summer. He met here while we were broken up (just a few weeks later), started dating her and the worst thing (for me) is that he kept dating her when we already started to meet up again in my home city. I saw him those two times in my home city, where he told me he loves me etc. and we were texting every day. All this time he had this other girl who I didn't know about. He only broke up with her (well, not sure if you can even call that a relationship, more an affair) when I moved back to his city. I guess he realized that he loves me and wants to be with me so he broke everything off with her, but it hurts so much anyway. How could he keep seeing this girl, have sex with her and even invite her to have dinner with his friends when he already started seeing me in my city again, telling me that he loves me (but not being sure about a future together)? He was the only one I thought about all the time, I couldn't even have imagined to sleep with someone else.
How I found out? This girl and I have a mutual friend (well 'friend'- It's more a guy I know who I sometimes meet at parties). I haven't met this friend for a couple of months, but last week I did. We were on a party and I told him about my boyfriend (without mentioning his name) and he asked to see a picture of him. When I showed him the picture he looked a bit shocked and asked me if his name is XXX (he said my bf's first and last name). When I said yes, he told me about this girl and my boyfriend. My boyfriend himself has never ever mentioned her to me, but I also never asked him if he had somebody else while we were broken up. And I never would have imagined that he still would be dating somebody else when we already started dating again.
I don't know what to do with this information. I will confront my boyfriend with it for sure. But I don't know what I should do. I don't know if I can forgive him for that or not. What do you guys think? Wasn't it really cheating because I was still in another city, he didn't know if I'll move back to his city and we didn't say at that point 'We're officially together again'? What would you do?
By 'confront' I didn't mean getting angry, screaming at him or whatever. I just wanna tell him what I've heard and wanna know what he has to say to that.
I don't know, one thing that bothers me is that he had somebody new after just like two weeks after breaking up. Me at that time couldn't even have imagined to hook up with another guy, all I was thinking about was him. But I know, I cannot blame him for having somebody else while being broken up.
But when we started seeing each other again it wasn't just casual, we started talking about solving the problems we had in the past, we said we love and missed each other and all that. It's not like he started dating me, a girl who he didn't know before and then broke up with the other girl when things got more serious.
So you broke up with him and wanted him to be celibate while mourning your loss?
Well for me it's just weird to start dating somebody new after such a short time, especially if you're directly introducing that new girl to your friends. And then keep dating her while you're getting back together with your ex.
Why do you feel he needs to be accountable to you for a period of time you weren't together?
He still kept seeing her while we were getting back together and already said I love you etc. again. And I don't like that he never mentioned her to me. For example, once he told me he went ALONE(!) on a trip a few days before we met each other in my city and that he couldn't stop thinking about us and about me.
Later (through that guy on the party) I found out that he went on this trip with that girl, so I highly doubt he thought about me all the time and after all he lied about being alone.
Well for me it's just weird to start dating somebody new after such a short time, especially if you're directly introducing that new girl to your friends. And then keep dating her while you're getting back together with your ex.
But honey, that's YOU.
And YOU are entitled to how you felt after your breakup
Guess what?
So was he.
And guys sometimes jump right back into the saddle again to help them recover from a painful breakup.
Don't hold this against him!
Deal with your own feelings, but do not convince yourself he did anything "wrong".
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