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Normally I would just move on and not respond to the negativity expressed by some of these posts about people in a co-dependent relationship. Having lived in one for far too long until I could escape I could take serious umbrage to the idea people stay there cuz it is fun or there is some deserved misery for being in one. Co-dependency is not something a person normally makes a conscious decision to participate in, often it moves in like a fog and surrounds the person or family before they are fully aware it has arrived. One of the common elements of co-dependency is constant "damage control" trying to protect children and others from a spouse or sibling who is creating havoc. The sad part is that the very protection being offered just enables the person who is out of control to continue down the same path. In the end no one benefits from the original good intentions. Disentangling from a co-dependent relationship is full time work.
Mothers and housewives can be the rock a family survives on and STILL be in a co-dependent relationship. My biggest red flag would be how often is there a need to apologize or explain away the behavior of another adult? If this feels like a second job likely you are involved in a co-dependent relationship. RUN AWAY NOW
yep sometimes you just got to say i am done, i found it to be a control issue believe it or not on my part, constently keeping the plates spinning, if a few hit the floor well that is why god invented glue! Let each person be in charge of their own relationship with each other.
Consider this: Your husband cheats on you and breaks your heart. Like any normal woman you wonder what's wrong with you and what you did to make him need to cheat.
A non-codependent woman would boot him out the door and seek counseling for herself to recover from his mis step. Maybe the marriage would work out in the end but HE (the cheater) would have alot of ground to make up for ripping your heart out. And through it all this woman knows that he is no longer worthy of her love and knows that although she's in pain right now, she will be ok.
A co-dependent woman would allow the cheater to make her feel that the cheating was HER fault and take that blame on as her own. She does that in order to keep the cheater because she feels like she will die without him. Literally, physically feels like she is nothing without this man in her life. She considers changing things about herself in order to win this man's love. And along the way, and likely prior to the cheating, has lost so many pieces of herself that she no longer knows who she is.
A SAHM is not co-dependent as long as the relationship with her husband is healthy and two-way. As long as you know who you are and place value on your feelings and yourself, it's not likely you're co-dependent.
Consider this: Your husband cheats on you and breaks your heart. Like any normal woman you wonder what's wrong with you and what you did to make him need to cheat.
A non-codependent woman would boot him out the door and seek counseling for herself to recover from his mis step. Maybe the marriage would work out in the end but HE (the cheater) would have alot of ground to make up for ripping your heart out. And through it all this woman knows that he is no longer worthy of her love and knows that although she's in pain right now, she will be ok.
A co-dependent woman would allow the cheater to make her feel that the cheating was HER fault and take that blame on as her own. She does that in order to keep the cheater because she feels like she will die without him. Literally, physically feels like she is nothing without this man in her life. She considers changing things about herself in order to win this man's love. And along the way, and likely prior to the cheating, has lost so many pieces of herself that she no longer knows who she is.
A SAHM is not co-dependent as long as the relationship with her husband is healthy and two-way. As long as you know who you are and place value on your feelings and yourself, it's not likely you're co-dependent.
I totally agree with pirate girl. I will add though that sometimes it is the [man, other person] who is using blame to manipulate and it takes a lot of strength to see through this. Like, I personally don't fit into either of these scenarios - I was with someone who tried to pull me down with blame and it took me a long time to work through this, but it wasn't internal to me, necessarily. But I was also not as tough and decisive as the first example. [And I wish I were, but I'm still OK with things now].
Quote:
Originally Posted by pirate girl
Consider this: Your husband cheats on you and breaks your heart. Like any normal woman you wonder what's wrong with you and what you did to make him need to cheat.
A non-codependent woman would boot him out the door and seek counseling for herself to recover from his mis step. Maybe the marriage would work out in the end but HE (the cheater) would have alot of ground to make up for ripping your heart out. And through it all this woman knows that he is no longer worthy of her love and knows that although she's in pain right now, she will be ok.
A co-dependent woman would allow the cheater to make her feel that the cheating was HER fault and take that blame on as her own. She does that in order to keep the cheater because she feels like she will die without him. Literally, physically feels like she is nothing without this man in her life. She considers changing things about herself in order to win this man's love. And along the way, and likely prior to the cheating, has lost so many pieces of herself that she no longer knows who she is.
A SAHM is not co-dependent as long as the relationship with her husband is healthy and two-way. As long as you know who you are and place value on your feelings and yourself, it's not likely you're co-dependent.
From reading the list of traits a co-dependent person would have, I don't think this fits housewives and mothers. I am a mother and I don't possess those traits. I have friends who are stay at home moms (housewives) and they don't exhibit those traits either. I think the description given of a co-dependent person is more that of a mental illness than it is of a lifestyle.
I agree with the above post. Be it men or women, a true co-dependent is usually pretty much a dingbat anyway.
I AM a housewife and mother! It's just that someone said to me the other day that there was no difference between a woman who stays home (as a wife and mother) and a co-dependent.
I disagree. But what do I know???
My mom used to get that crud all of the time, because she stayed home. I used to get because I wanted to be a Mom since i was really young. I have no idea why people are rude to you when you say you saty at home, its not an easy job taking care of something 24 hrs a day every day of the year. Oh well what can you say to some one like that.
Why would you say some one who is co dependent is a dingbat? maybe someone who is lost or someone who has very low self estamee. i used to put up with all sorts of crud from people untill I took Time to learn to like myself, however i do not think i was a dingbat.
Why would you say some one who is co dependent is a dingbat? maybe someone who is lost or someone who has very low self estamee. i used to put up with all sorts of crud from people untill I took Time to learn to like myself, however i do not think i was a dingbat.
Well, its important to realize that my opinion is simply that. An opinion.
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