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I've been dating a woman who is wonderful in many ways for the past 21 months. My friends have been cautioning me, especially lately, about what they see as a major red flag. My GF is way too jealous. I really believe it stems from her own insecurity, because I don't give her any reason to worry. I don't flirt, gawk at other women, etc. I always compliment her and yet I think whatever I say or do it's not going to help.
I took her out to dinner recently and while waiting for our table, I turned when someone behind me started talking. Two day later my GF told me she was mad because I looked at 'the blond' for too long (maybe 10 seconds, which I guess is 5 seconds too long?). When we ran into a old friend of mine at a store, minutes later she quizzed me on how I knew my friend-was it from dating or ? I get a digest of emails that's compiled by a woman, and when she saw me getting an email sent with a woman's name she wanted to know who it was. She's quizzed me about what topics I took to my female coworkers about.
Today I let her use my pc and apparently she was snooping on it. She denies it but it's pretty obvious she did. I have nothing to hide ( I've let her use my pc, phone and stay at my place alone) but it bothered me that she did this.
Are my friends right in that this is a major red flag that will only get worse? Or should I not worry much about it since so many other aspects of our relationship are good and I will never give her any reason to actually be jealous?
This reminds me of two of my friends. They've been cheated on a few times so now they are paranoid and believe that ALL men cheat, and act absolutely insane with their boyfriends about it.
A relationship cannot survive without trust. If she is jealous/possessive, does she really trust you or is she hiding what she is doing? It does not matter what you do to convince her that you are not cheating, she has to deal with her insecurities. Are you okay with her questioning and snooping?
She knows I'd never cheat on her, let alone flirt, look at porn, etc. That's not really an issue. It's just that she doesn't even want me to notice another woman. If we're walking and an attractive woman comes into my field of vision, I feel I need to look away. I better not be looking at a tv when a Victoria's Secret commercial comes on! She often says that if I truly love her I won't ever look at or even notice anyone else. I don't think that's realistic. I don't stare or gawk at anyone but we all notice other attractive people sometimes.
No, I don't think she's cheating. I think she's just very insecure (and no need to be, because she' attractive, and I'm committed and loyal to her and she knows it).
She knows I'd never cheat on her, let alone flirt, look at porn, etc. That's not really an issue. It's just that she doesn't even want me to notice another woman. If we're walking and an attractive woman comes into my field of vision, I feel I need to look away. I better not be looking at a tv when a Victoria's Secret commercial comes on! She often says that if I truly love her I won't ever look at or even notice anyone else. I don't think that's realistic. I don't stare or gawk at anyone but we all notice other attractive people sometimes.
No, I don't think she's cheating. I think she's just very insecure (and no need to be, because she' attractive, and I'm committed and loyal to her and she knows it).
trouble. and she is not going to change cuz she has major insecurities often stemming from childhood issues relating to love, acceptance, and self esteem. there are no meds for that. good luck.
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