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I'm married, and neither I nor my husband had kids prior to our marriage, but we are both people who were open to dating people with kids, as we both like and want kids.
Years ago, I dated a couple of single dads, but never serious or long-term enough to the point where I met their kids.
I think it's more your assertion that someone who might be spending money on someone or something other than you isn't a decent person to date is probably what leads to that reaction.
I'm no gold digger but it's not fun going on cheap dates because all the money goes towards the ex. It was a drag, especially considering my previous ex spent a lot on me. He expected me to spend on the kids though, which bothered me.
It's interesting how many have dated parents and have their experiences. I was hoping to hear stories instead of the usual where people admit they don't date parents and nothing to back up. It's their right of course but to me having dated dads it doesn't work for me.
I buy my mother-in-law, sister-in-law, brother-in-law, etc. Christmas presents, birthday presents, etc. If I had stepchildren, I would obviously buy things for them, as well, *shrug*.
You seem to be very attached to the idea of keeping expenditures on yourself. That's your choice, but it's not really surprising that posters have reacted to it as they have now and in the past.
The thing is if you marry a single parent it could happen. Even if you don't marry them, there's things like holiday gifts or dates.
Do you only date orphans and people with no social ties, then? Because even if he doesn't have kids, you may get invited to his parents' anniversary party and have to bring a gift. Or his best friend may get married or have kids of his/her own, and there, too, you might have to spend some money.
I buy my mother-in-law, sister-in-law, brother-in-law, etc. Christmas presents, birthday presents, etc. If I had stepchildren, I would obviously buy things for them, as well, *shrug*.
You seem to be very attached to the idea of keeping expenditures on yourself. That's your choice, but it's not really surprising that posters have reacted to it as they have now and in the past.
I do prefer to spend my money on me instead of someone else's family. The reality is if I married a guy with kids part of my money would go towards them. I don't want to pay for them.
Do you only date orphans and people with no social ties, then? Because even if he doesn't have kids, you may get invited to his parents' anniversary party and have to bring a gift. Or his best friend may get married or have kids of his/her own, and there, too, you might have to spend some money.
That's fine and yes I spend on that. However I did resent being pressured to buy gifts for them when they and him were not planning to spend on me.
I have dated a few single fathers , a process found frustrating because plans change too often at the last minute. I don't know what the OP is talking about when it comes to money though; the men I dated still picked up the dinner check as often as one would expect from a man with or without kids. Also, none EVER asked me to spend or give money for their children - that is just plain weird.
Shouldn't you be worrying about your own relationship and stop this infatuation with guys with kids?
It didn't work for you, so what? It works for other people, get over it already.
Your guy doesn't have kids, which is about the only thing he has going for him. But your happy with it, so stop beating a dead horse.
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I do prefer to spend my money on me instead of someone else's family. The reality is if I married a guy with kids part of my money would go towards them. I don't want to pay for them.
It is pretty clear you aren't going to get married at all, ever. That ship sailed 10-15 years ago. Why are you even worried about this? You should be focused on finding a man with a job and place to live, nothing more, and you should have your own money to bring to the table. A 45 year old never-married woman complaining about cheap dates is surreal. You don't want a cheap date, you need to pony up
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