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Old 03-19-2014, 04:31 PM
 
Location: Florida
943 posts, read 1,193,826 times
Reputation: 368

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Basically my friend "A" is a young female in a domestically violent relationship with person "B."

NYPD were called to the incident, the first incident of domestic violence, and arrested person B. However, she is saying that none of the violence happened and it was all of her fault. She acts someone like a domestic violence victim. I was wanting to know your opinion on this. Here is a thread from FB. Names redacted for obvious reasons.

[Person A] I'm so in love with [Person B]. More than anyone. Ever. I f***ed up, got drunk and slandered him out of hurt and anger and misunderstanding. He didn't hurt me. I'm fine. That's my boy and always will be. Eyes on fire, top hat on head, outsmarting everyone ever.

Including me.

I love Jewish boys I dunno what it is lol"
4 hours ago · Like

[Person X] don't lie to yourself sweetheart. if he didn't do a thing that's great news.
4 hours ago · Like · 1

[Person A] I am very sorry for hurting his name. Anyone who knows him and or me knows I'm severely problematic and I don't mean to me. Him on the other hand? Sweet as sugar. To everyone who is good to him.... He treats like royalty. He lives for art, music and mostly for me. Nobody will ever step between us.
4 hours ago · Like

[Person X] You seem thirsty to keep the kid
3 hours ago · Like

[Person A] Nah I'm in love. I got blackout drunk and realize he blocked me and freaked out. It's not your business honestly, nor will you ever understand our love.
3 hours ago · Like

Got any further questions, and I will answer.
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Old 03-19-2014, 04:34 PM
 
2,319 posts, read 3,039,502 times
Reputation: 2678
Contact a domestic violence shelter and get some brochures from them that describe the typical steps involving domestic violence -- get a few. Give one to her.
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Old 03-19-2014, 04:37 PM
 
Location: Florida
943 posts, read 1,193,826 times
Reputation: 368
Quote:
Originally Posted by Molli View Post
Contact a domestic violence shelter and get some brochures from them that describe the typical steps involving domestic violence -- get a few. Give one to her.
She won't listen to me, or really anyone. I'm pretty sure she's going through the stockholm syndrome type of symptoms of domestic violence.
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Old 03-19-2014, 04:38 PM
 
2,319 posts, read 3,039,502 times
Reputation: 2678
Quote:
Originally Posted by Anonymous725 View Post
She won't listen to me, or really anyone. I'm pretty sure she's going through the stockholm syndrome type of symptoms of domestic violence.
She may one day read it though ... after he has beat the crap out of her. That's all you can do. If you know he is physically abusing her do you know how to contact her family to let them know about it?
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Old 03-19-2014, 04:39 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,599,006 times
Reputation: 98359
Is "Person A" a real friend, or a FB "friend"?

If Person A is a real friend, help as Molli suggested (you can even post a link on Person A's FB page or print stuff off their website), but be prepared for endless drama.

If not a real friend, block Person A.
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Old 03-19-2014, 04:40 PM
 
Location: Florida
943 posts, read 1,193,826 times
Reputation: 368
Quote:
Originally Posted by Molli View Post
She may one day read it though ... after he has beat the crap out of her. That's all you can do. If you know he is physically abusing her do you know how to contact her family to let them know about it?
Her family is abroad. I'm not too sure of her legal status in this country. I have no method of contacting her family. She is currently staying with friends she met at rave parties during her time working as a "nightlife personality."

To add salt to the wound, she is also very sickly (liver problems, along with more) and beginning to show signs of an alcohol dependency.
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Old 03-19-2014, 04:43 PM
 
2,319 posts, read 3,039,502 times
Reputation: 2678
Quote:
Originally Posted by Anonymous725 View Post
Her family is abroad. I'm not too sure of her legal status in this country. I have no method of contacting her family. She is currently staying with friends she met at rave parties during her time working as a "nightlife personality."

To add salt to the wound, she is also very sickly (liver problems, along with more) and beginning to show signs of an alcohol dependency.

She may feel stuck and doesn't realize all the help available in this country to EVERY woman who is a victim of domestic violence.
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Old 03-19-2014, 04:43 PM
 
14,376 posts, read 18,275,393 times
Reputation: 43042
I love how she posts on facebook and then tells people it's not their business.

I'm getting the vibe that there are some other mental health issues in play in this situation. I'd make sure you really want to get involved before you actually do. Because she sounds like the type to lash out at the people who want to help her. I know a couple of well-meaning guys who intervened to protect women from violent partners, only to have the women turn on them.

I also know a few guys who were falsely accused of domestic violence. (One was actually 50 miles away when the supposed assault was alleged to have taken place and could prove it.)

I'm not blaming the victim here, but what I'm saying is that this is a huge mess and until she confides in you, there could be a certain amount of blowback for you if you intervene now.
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Old 03-19-2014, 04:44 PM
 
Location: Florida
943 posts, read 1,193,826 times
Reputation: 368
Quote:
Originally Posted by Molli View Post
She may feel stuck and doesn't realize all the help available in this country to EVERY woman who is a victim of domestic violence.
I am pretty sure she knows this. She's from an English speaking country. However she refuses to admit she is a victim of domestic violence.

It has changed from "He beat me" to "I deserved it" to "It never happened" over the past fortnight.
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Old 03-19-2014, 04:45 PM
 
1,846 posts, read 2,037,664 times
Reputation: 958
I suspected once that my close friend was getting abused like this by her SO. I was so livid when I found out I was going to give that SOB a thrashing. She stopped me though and made up a lie at how she took a tumble down the stairs, I choose to believe her only to later find out she was pushed down them. I wasn't angry when I found out because I realized I cannot help someone who doesn't want to help themselves.

However if I ever see anything like that happen in front of me I don't care what sort of danger it would put me in I would step in and get involved even if it was happening to a stranger. I just have little tolerance for such bull****...
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