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I have not looked at a single response to this, but I will bet real money a lot of people say, "You made your vows! Stick to them!"
If I became incapacitated, I would definitely want my SO to get her sexual needs met elsewhere. Why should my incapacity cancel her sex life? There is this huge lie in our sex-negative culture that says sex is trivial, that sexual needs shouldn't really be that important, that emotional intimacy is all that really matters.
100% rubbish!
You are thinking like a man ... not holding that against you because you are one. But most women don't simply want a big O to satisfy their needs; they in fact do want the feeing of intimacy with a man. So if you are OK with your partner seeking that out, you may as well get a divorce.
I also very much appreciated Mikala's posts in this thread. She seems to know the real issues people run into.
The "real issues" are not "what if's" made up on a forum, they are actual, real life accidents, illness, unexpected things that happen to them, real life, day to day, as a married couple issues.
Those are the issues that are dealt with day to day and one cannot possibly say for sure what they will or will not do IF some made up question happens in their lives one can never really know how they will respond to anything out of the ordinary or tragic when it happens in their lives. Most if not all will say they will stick to their vows and in reality some will and others won't.
To say no one else who has posted knows what the "real issues" are is equal to telling everyone they have no clue how life, love, vows and marriage works. That statement is truly a slap in the face to those who do take their marriage vows seriously and deal with whatever comes along the best way for them as a couple in their lives and marriage.
I think it would depend on how early something happened. I can't look into the future, but if I had a happy marriage for 30 years and something happened in my 60's I'd like to think I could do without to honor my vows and her heart. My aunt's husband had a stroke at 30 and became physically disabled to the point that he has no coordination. They are now in their 50's and she has taken care of him the whole time. If she stepped out discretely I wouldn't blame her.
I am very sad to read how some of my favorite posters took my post.
IIUC, Mikala is taking the vows route. All I said was I like the way she talks about that route. That doesn't mean I dislike how you, the person reading this, talk about it.
It just means that I find a conversation more fun when people discuss their thought processes, and the pros and cons of things, instead of just presenting their conclusions. If other people find another style more enjoyable, I encourage them to speak up.
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