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I think that this is actually one of the benefits of reading something like this. I'll tell you a little story…
My father's parents were pretty awful parents. Well, I think they might have been pretty awful people. My father did not have a warm childhood at all. When he was in high school, he had a "Big Brother" with the Big Brother/Little Brother organization. His Big Brother was this wonderful family man that showed my father what life could be like. My father decided that he wanted so much more than the life he had been born into. He studied hard, became an optometrist, married a wonderful woman (my mom!), and had me. He was a great father, a great husband, and a great role model. Don't get me wrong - he had his many faults - but overall, he was a wonderful person. He made a conscious decision to be a different kind of husband and father than his father was. His sister, on the other hand, was the same kind of mother that their mother had been. She placed her own needs above those of her children. Her son turned out fine despite everything but her daughter has severe mental problems and is pretty much incapable of living a happy, healthy life.
Our childhoods influence us but they don't have to define us. I was VERY lucky - and I know that. And I'm doing the best to be the best mother and wife I can be - but sometimes I feel like a complete failure! But then I read something like this - and I'm determined to do all I can for my little boys!
I'm glad you're father was able to choose wisely despite his circumstances.
My life is an example of both ends of the spectrum regarding the way early home life shapes us. My father was a mean alcoholic and my mother was pretty much invisible. Based on my experiences I chose to stay sober and to nurture my children. It was a healthy choice on my part, and sort of an FU to the old man. In my kinder moments, I admit that I learned some hard lessons from him and my kids (and me) now benefit.
But as far as romantic relationships, friendships, and my work life go, I've let my father's hard lessons wear me down. Of course those were my choices and I know I'm responsible for them, but it's taken me a long time to come to grips with that, and some irreperable damage was done by the time I saw what I was doing to my life.
I will say that if I went back in time and could choose only one area of my life to make good, healthy choices, I would have chosen to be a good parent. But I do wish sometimes that I could have seen my relationship and career mistakes before my 50s. Oh well, deep breath.
My mom was one of the most financially irresponsible people I ever met and my dad couldn't hold himself accountable for anything. I've grown up brash and a little emotionally distant. What I realized at 29 was that I was treating women poorly, due to how I felt about my mom. I love my mom a lot, but her and I are oil and water. We do better when there's distance between us, because we are just so different. She hates it but I enjoy it. I've met women my own age that are currently living their life like my mom did and it drives me bonkers. I didn't understand it growing up, but I saw my mom's faults more as an adult.
My dad went to prison when I was 8 for growing marijuana. He was released when I was 14. During that time in prison, I only saw my dad twice, but we wrote each other once or twice a month. I still have all the letters my dad wrote me, and truth be told, I haven't ever read them again since reading them for the first time when receiving them in the mail.
Now that I'm 30, I see life in a different light. I'm not very close with my mom and I haven't talked to my dad since I was 14 or 15, but I know as an adult I couldn't use my parents as scapegoats. Even though my childhood wasn't ideal, I couldn't let my upbringing dictate my future. I'm accountable for all my actions, because everything that happened in my childhood and teens is decade(s) behind me. It's no longer my parents irresponsible decisions, but it's now my problem and I have to be accountable for my own actions.
Some people want to use their parents and/or upbringing as a shield to not accept accountability for quite honestly their own stupidity. I'm a people person, but I don't care for what I consider "stupid" people at all. People who waste time and always have to play the victim just have no place in my personal life. I've met these people, and was one of these people for a few years myself, and I realized just how toxic, drama causing, and irresponsible I/we were.
Once I grew up, it was for my own drama sobriety in a way, to distance myself from people like that. My fear is falling back into that terrible cycle of life, so I am focused daily on building a postive lifestyle that makes me and my friends around me happy.
Interesting article. What caught my eye (as a woman looking to find a good man for a LTR) is the difference between liberal and conservative men and sex. I am pretty moderate and get along with everyone, so political leanings never had much bearing on what I am looking for (other than no extreme bearings). But with this study has me wondering if I should be more biased towards liberal men because, frankly, I like sex a lot and don't want to stop when I get old.
The point of reference they used to make this argument, or point, was AFTER age 70 and on into your 80's At that age 99% of couples don't have barely any sex, if any, so why did they choose to use that sample criteria at such an old age? I'll tell ya, for more headline grabbing future press releases. "liberal men have far more sex" "Want a great sex life well into your 80's men? Be a liberal.....etc, etc. When in reality, the vast majority of us have sex from our 20's to maybe 60's although there are some exceptions to that.
The studies I have read in the past all said conservatives have more sex, but I don't think like Harvard did, they set the criteria to being ancient in age.
Why do these studies always seem to have an agenda to them? Why can't they just universally report facts as not isolate sections that fit their own political points of view?
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by alaskaboy
Why do these studies always seem to have an agenda to them? Why can't they just universally report facts as not isolate sections that fit their own political points of view?
What makes you think that the study itself had an agenda?
This was a brief report on the study and shouldn't be compared to the study itself. They are different and separate. As is the book.
The point of reference they used to make this argument, or point, was AFTER age 70 and on into your 80's At that age 99% of couples don't have barely any sex, if any, so why did they choose to use that sample criteria at such an old age? I'll tell ya, for more headline grabbing future press releases. "liberal men have far more sex" "Want a great sex life well into your 80's men? Be a liberal.....etc, etc. When in reality, the vast majority of us have sex from our 20's to maybe 60's although there are some exceptions to that.
The studies I have read in the past all said conservatives have more sex, but I don't think like Harvard did, they set the criteria to being ancient in age.
Why do these studies always seem to have an agenda to them? Why can't they just universally report facts as not isolate sections that fit their own political points of view?
Well, in this brief article - it stated that aging liberals have more sex. It didn't say anything about overall sex lives and it even stated that political views didn't seem to have an influence on overall satisfaction. The focus wasn't on elderly sex - this just happened to be one of the findings. I'm guess you are a conservative?
This article didn't seem to have an agenda to me - just reporting the findings on a 75 year study following 200 men. I found it fascinating! I guess I was more surprised at the findings about upbringing, alcohol abuse, and the basic summary that happiness is love.
I probably could've taken this article a little more seriously without the "75 year study" claim. The article just really offered viewpoints based on different relationships. I could've came to many of the conclusions by myself just knowing people.
Nothing profound about this article.
Really to make a man happy....Food, sleep, and lots of sex. period.
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