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I cheated on an ex girlfriend years ago, I'm not making excuses, but it was a long distance relationship and things were strained. I've only done it once in my life.
Once a cheater - always a cheater? That's a generalization but it's like tobacco addicts or recovering/former alcoholics, they have high propensity to repeat what they were doing previously and are most likely going to repeat it. Sweet-talking and stuff? It's all good and everyone tries to make the best impression about themselves, adulterers simply have decent amount of experience to "know" what you want to hear and how to gain your attention to like them... but it won't change the fact about who they are "within themselves", i.e. how they generally behave.
Thus the bold stereotype is a generalization but it's a known wisdom. "Sexual fidelity" is a social construct. Certain folks, more precisely the ones who not only abandoned that construct within their minds but also actively broke such construct with their actions, will be the ones who will generally repeat it again and again, as long as they perceive that they have means or options to attract the attention of their lover, newer or former.
I'd never get involved with a cheater -- its a very deep character flaw in my opinion; one that is difficult to overcome. Stress and other things can make it surface again.
Of course, as you put it it is not so - the always is the deal-breaker in your proposition.
Obviously, some who have engaged in infidelity will not do so again.
Conversely, those who have engaged in infidelity are undoubtedly more likely to do so in the future than those who haven't engaged in infidelity.
Note my use of the term more likely. What this means is that, for example, given a group of - let's say - 1000 people who have never cheated and have been in relationships and are 30 years old, and compare that to a similar group of those who have cheated, the future rate of infidelity is going to be higher in the 'has previously cheated' group. Now, that obviously allows for the fact that some who have cheated will not do so again, and that some who have never cheated will do so in the future.
Thus, we are talking about tendencies established by examining groups, not the inevitable future behavior of individuals.
Although i wouldn't completely get over or trust anybody who cheated on me, I don't think a person should be given a label if they make a mistake. We all make them.
I say it really depends on the person and how much remorse they have. Every person's different. Some people can kill another and not feel a thing. For another, it would haunt them for the rest of their life, even if that person meant them harm. So it all depends on a person's mind, and let's face it, there are some people who are sociopaths.
It depends on the circumstances and age and the person.
I was with a guy for 8 years who was either too high or too sober to sleep with me. I was cheating on him about once a year for a few months each time. I still think he deserved it and I have no bad conscious. Of course it was wrong and I wouldn't do it again. Should have just left him.
Then I married a military guy who was deployed 3/4 of every year. In the whole 7 years, I did not even look at any other guy, even though we were not happy together. I could not have lived with the thought of cheating on him while he fights for his country.
The world isn't black and white. The wise and humble don't speak in such absolutes.
I couldn't agree more, I think sometimes we all make mistakes and some circumstances are different than others, that doesnt mean everyone that cheats has a character flaw.
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