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Pixie, best of luck to you in this. Don't count on a pro bono lawyer though. You will probably need to seek out a legal aid office in your area where you can get low cost help or someone who can help you with your paperwork. It's tough to go through this, but you will make it! Keep your chin up - we CD folks are rooting for you!
I wish you the best on your transition, there are a lot of us here who have been in your shoes, some have had it easier and some worse. You are doing what is in the best interest of your children and yourself. Hopefully, you can find someone who will do this pro-bono, or at least at minimal cost to you. Please be careful and know that you have people here who support you and wish you and your children the best.
I just have to say thanks to all of you. As I sat at the kitchen counter feeling the emptiness of this house and hearing him crying in the guest room I thought "am I doing the right thing?" I removed myself from the counter and came to the computer and saw all your remarks and it makes a world of difference.
He came home aout half an hour ago and asked if we could talk and I said "sure."He said he would be leaving this weekend and only taking his clothes and what was I doing with the jeep cherokee 4x4 limited edition my brother gave me. I told him to keep it so he could haul the boat. I never went out on it and it really doesn't interest me.
The boys are constantly comming in and out and as I said before two of them are staying at grandmas house which is four blocks away. The sad part is that my sons say his attitude doesn't bother them. That upsets and saddens me because I can't believe that they don't mind feeling humiliated constantly. I feel they say that because they don't want to be the cause of our seperation but they aren't....he caused this, not them.
I will miss his son dearly, you can't even imagine how close we've gotten. I would look forward to him comming over every other weekend. I wish this had worked out. I waited eleven years to remarry after my divorce and in my heart I felt I would grow old with him. Life is so uncertain. I have a few thing to do will check in latter. Thanks again.
Pixie...I don't know you but I do know that you and your kids deserve to be treated with respect. I'm pretty sure that you're married to my ex so I know EXACTLY what you are going through. Very tough to be with someone who is so insecure with themselves that they have to put on this "tough" exterior so no one can see just how weak they really are. They spend their entire lives doing this and rarely will they change.
I left my situation a few years ago and I'm SO happy I did. It's also important for your kids to know that this is not the way people should be treated!
Best of luck and try to have a happy holiday!
Been there done that, and you are doing the right thing. He is not going to change. The situation is going to get worse instead of better. You deserve to have a happy peaceful life, and it sounds like you are headed in the right direction. My only advice is look after your physical safety and also your financial well-being. Surround yourself with supportive people, distance yourself from those who are harsh and judgmental. Trust your gut.
Best wishes to you, many many of us have been through what you are going through, and I for one can say there is nothing better than having my own quiet simple life and peace of mind.
I just have to say thanks to all of you. As I sat at the kitchen counter feeling the emptiness of this house and hearing him crying in the guest room I thought "am I doing the right thing?" I removed myself from the counter and came to the computer and saw all your remarks and it makes a world of difference.
He came home aout half an hour ago and asked if we could talk and I said "sure."He said he would be leaving this weekend and only taking his clothes and what was I doing with the jeep cherokee 4x4 limited edition my brother gave me. I told him to keep it so he could haul the boat. I never went out on it and it really doesn't interest me.
The boys are constantly comming in and out and as I said before two of them are staying at grandmas house which is four blocks away. The sad part is that my sons say his attitude doesn't bother them. That upsets and saddens me because I can't believe that they don't mind feeling humiliated constantly. I feel they say that because they don't want to be the cause of our seperation but they aren't....he caused this, not them.
I will miss his son dearly, you can't even imagine how close we've gotten. I would look forward to him comming over every other weekend. I wish this had worked out. I waited eleven years to remarry after my divorce and in my heart I felt I would grow old with him. Life is so uncertain. I have a few thing to do will check in latter. Thanks again.
Pixie,
My heart goes out to you. I remember when I broke up with my last s.o., it nearly killed me. It was such a confusing time, and took me a long time to realize how abusive he really was. I thought we were in love. I thought we were going to marry and I would have a home and a family, finally. Life truly is uncertain, and it's not fair either. Even when my ex was cruel, I always wanted to see the good in him. Now I ask myself why I stayed as long as I did.
You're boys are not able to get angry and their father right now, just like it took you so long to react. But you are teaching them a powerful lesson. You are teaching them that this behavior is not to be tolerated. You are being strong for them, and I admire you for this as well.
I have been away for awhile, had two surgeries in October and thankfully they were both a sucess. Unfortunatley after more than a year of trying to compromise and work on my marriage last night I finally told my husband I wanted a divorce. We had talked about things not going well anfd needing to change and he changes for about 72 hours and goes back to his ubrupt ways. He has a terriable temper, although he has never struck me he is mental and verbally abusive to me and my children. As of a montha go my 18 & 16 yr old are staying at grandmas. On Thaksgiving he got upset and grabbed my 17 yr old by the neck and threatened him infront of guests. We never know when he will have an explosive moment. After this happens he cries and apologizes. Last night was the last straw when he was offensive, rude and humilating to my 16 yr. old when he came for dinner. This took place infront of my cousin and his girlfriend that rarley comeover. He feels hes the king of the hill and it doesn't matter what he says or ow out of place he is hes entitled to speakor scream his mind. Last night I splept in the guestroom and today he got some clothes and went to the guest room so I got the master suite. I feel releif that I asked for the divorce and will seak an attorney tomorrw hopefully pro bono. I am worried of carring the cost of our home but I will not stay in an unhappy marriage and potentially harmful marriage because of finances. Any advice is greatly appreciated.
Funny thing today I was speaking to my younger brother about it and he said "I guess you'll be on the market again?" with a chuckle. My response "I am so over men and I don't like women so I guess I'm screwed."
First of all, I'm sorry he seems like such a jerk. At least you seem to have a good head on your shoulders.
So I take it these aren't his kids?
Unfortunately, I hear that alot, men taking on another woman's kids and they just are not nice to the kids. Poor children. How horrible it must be to live with someone who is not their father but a big bully instead.
Good for you. Get out while you can. I'm taking it you work full time? Good luck!
My husband is a Jekyl and Hyde of sorts. In February I was diasgnosed with uterine cancer and had a hysterectomy he stood by my side like a champ. When October rolled around I was having a scheduled surgery (right wrist; torn ligaments and carpal tunnel) when I went to have my pre-ops done my urine cytology came back disasterious. Well fuve days after wrist surgery I had to have emergebcy bladder surgery. They took the cancer out and everything seems fine now. While I was recooperating he cooked, cleaned, helped bathe me...everything. With me he is very supportive, when it comes to my children he is an impatient ass-ho to say the least. What he doesn't realize is he could treat me like a queen but all of that is put to shambles when he miss treats my boys who are becomming men. If I would continue in this situation it would only escalate, I fear a punching match and before it gets to that I need out. I am not working now but have a monthly income of about 2k and as soon as my hand gets better and finish my PT (it will be about two more months) I will get back in the job market. I just have to hold my own for a few months. When I get down to the core of my heart...I do love him but I LOVE my sons SOOO much more.
I am checking back in with everyone to let everyone know that I'm doing alright. My heart feels so torn into peices. My sons are telling me that they feel sorry for my husband because he is leaving and really has no place to go, I feel guilty for everything that is going on. I have not stopped crying all day. I drove with my eldest son to my sisters house in Naples because he said that he was moving his things out tomorrow. I fear what is to come .... I feel empty. my eldest son driving over here said "ma, i have to finish my bachelors (in almost three years) and everyone else will be out of the house to...what will you do then?". My mind drew a blank....yep there is a posibility that I will be alone...that scares me.
I'm sorry. I know how hard it is to live with someone like that. Perhaps a temporary sepration? He needs counseling, maybe meds.
I can say that some do change. I know of one that after a few accidents happened the person is the model mate now.
Having a blended family is very hard. My two kids (22 & 14) live with us. There was a few months when his adult son moved here, my son moved in with my parents a few blocks away. Since my hubby "complains" about things my kids forget to do (turn tv off, help out) when his son moved in without a job for the 1st two months or so, I was pretty resentful that he sat around, mostly doing nothing. Hubby & I were running my dad around every few days, he had cancer. My SS likes to cook, but do you think he'd cook us dinner? No. It was the hardest time of my life, so glad it's over now. How hubby & I stayed married through it is beyond me.
There can be all sorts of reasons why he's the way he is with your kids. I'm not making excuses.. just saying that now that I've been in his shoes, it is not easy. Your kids are older. A few more years and it's just the two of you (unless his son moves in). If he could get his temper under control is there any chance of this working?
There are stressers, you being sick. I haven't worked since 2001 due to a bad back. I know it is hard on my hubby to see me in pain even after all of these years.
Can you narrow it down to something happening? Doesn't sound like it happened over night. You sound like you still love him. What would get this to work?
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so I know EXACTLY what you are going through. Very tough to be with someone who is so insecure with themselves that they have to put on this "tough" exterior so no one can see just how weak they really are. They spend their entire lives doing this and rarely will they change. 
At least your strong
