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Staring at anyone is rude. I'm going through the same thing. This one girl stares a lot, then grills my female friends or any female I talk to. Different situation, but also very similar. Bottom line, staring is rude, it makes people uncomfortable, and it's inconsiderate. Him staring obviously makes you uncomfortable and it should, but it's also very rude on his part because someone may get pissed off at being stared at and say something to him. Obviously, it will not end well if that happens.
Sorry, I assume my husband admires a good looking women when he sees them, but I have no idea because I've never seen him checking one out, I've pointed out women I thought were attractive.
But it is disrespectful to stare or oogle. I would never do that to a guy I was with.
In the OP's case it is even worse. This guy is repeatedly making eye contact with the women. That is flirting and drawing attention to the fact that he is interested.
To me, this guy is trying to get some action going WHILE on a date with the OP.
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Sorry, I assume my husband admires a good looking women when he sees them, but I have no idea because I've never seen him checking one out, I've pointed out women I thought were attractive.
But it is disrespectful to stare or oogle. I would never do that to a guy I was with.
In the OP's case it is even worse. This guy is repeatedly making eye contact with the women. That is flirting and drawing attention to the fact that he is interested.
To me, this guy is trying to get some action going WHILE on a date with the OP.
I don't think there's anything wrong with a look at someone else. It's normal to find other people attractive. It doesn't bother me if SO casually looks at someone. However, there's a difference between a casual look, and a stare. If this guy is staring at other girls all the time, I'd be very careful.
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Help train him to look the other way, and you do the same. Talk about it first. Say 'when you look at other women, I feel _____' and let the training begin if he's up for it.
It's normal to look, but to keep looking is entertaining thoughts in your head that aren't about your partner. That would make any partner feel insecure.
That's fine for you, but OP has said she is NOT ok with it. That's all that matters here.
I was presenting a differing viewpoint, from which OP or others may or may not glean something. If the expectation is simply to agree with any OP, then there's no point in having a forum.
Quote:
Originally Posted by birdinmigration
Well, there's a wide divergence of opinion here, as I knew there would be.
Here's why this thread is valuable -- you guys are giving me the vocabulary to discuss this. I really didn't know how to broach the topic at all with him.
And also, i hope there are other people reading and not posting who will be helped by this discussion. I can't be the only putz out there in a flawed relationship.
Now, I won't see him for another couple of weeks, as we are in different places visiting family. It will give me a chance to decompress and get it together (should you need time to decompress in a LTR? valid question)
Thanks ever so much again.
I don't think you should need to decompress...often. I have to walk away from a situation occasionally to get better perspective on it, but if I found that necessary over and over, especially regarding the same situation, there is a bigger problem that needs to be addressed.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Molli
I'd prefer a man who was better at multi-tasking - so he could hear and look at the same time!
We only have so much blood to work with at a given moment.
I was presenting a differing viewpoint, from which OP or others may or may not glean something. If the expectation is simply to agree with any OP, then there's no point in having a forum.
Likewise ...
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