3 dates no sex = time to cut her off? (wedding, accept, surprise)
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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rhenzanite
It can happen though. At least 3 of my guy friends currently have children due to one night stands with random women, two of which were in different countries.
They were incredibly stupid. Easily avoidable.
I'm not into ONSs though, but even so, it is very easy not to get someone else pregnant. You have to go out of your way TOO get someone pregnant, really.
Who ever talked about having a child (which no one has to do if they don't want to do) or a "random encounter" or a "random dude"?
Both are possible outcomes of risktaking behavior (including sex with people you don't know yet, i.e. quite a bit of what's been talked about on this thread). Some people DO have sex with people they really don't know at all, clearly. Were you not talking about the virtues of risktaking behavior in your post?
The only self-preserving reasons I could think of is fear of her own lack of good judgment or fear of what society or her deity will say. If you're a good judge of character, you don't live in a small town in BFE, and you're not prone to listening to preachers who wave books written by and for men and letting them shame you for being sexual, you should be able to determine whether a man is a decent human being. And even then, you still run the risk of being duped by a sociopath--and that can happen even if you wait until marriage.
STDs are a concern, but that's why you talk before you jump in, and you have the safest sex you can. No method is 100% safe other than complete abstinence. You could wait some arbitrary amount of dates and the condom could still break, or he could be carrying an STD like one of the bazillion strains of HPV and not know it. Unwanted pregnancy? Use spermicidal foam or gel with the condom. If he has some kind of uber sperm that gets through all of that, call Planned Parenthood.
It does take strength, confidence, and eyes wide open to jump in. But what's the alternative? Fear? Shame? I've been through a couple of frightening scrapes of the date-rapey variety, back in my 20s. So what? I'm still here. That which doesn't kill me, etc. I can't let that traumatize me for life. If anything, it helped me learn and grow, because now I know the signs of a scuzzbucket, and above all, I've learned to trust my instincts.
I admire your perspective, Lilac. Honestly. Much of what you say is 100% correct.
And just as you feel you have a right to have sex when YOU'RE ready to (and you do have that right - women have every right to sex that men have), some of us feel we have a right to have sex when WE'RE ready to.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Molli
Oh I agree with you, but to say that you really care about someone in 1-3 dates and that you have developed that deep, intense emotional connection with someone - well you are joking yourself in my opinion - and that seems to be the timeline that many posters are using to get intimate with someone. Heck for some its within an hour after leaving the bar right after they met the person
Woah, I never said that the emotion comes that quickly. Don't put words in my mouth.
There is nothing wrong with having sex for a physical release.
Sex often helps create that emotional bond if it is the right person, over time.
Sex for physical sake can be great. Sex for emotional connection can be great. Great sex for both combined is the best. They all have their place.
You didn't read what I said and what I responded to.
I'm not into ONSs though, but even so, it is very easy not to get someone else pregnant. You have to go out of your way TOO get someone pregnant, really.
Even if used perfectly, condoms aren't 100%.
They were incredibly stupid...they had sex with someone they didn't know and now they have unwanted children.
And some can see the emotional wrecks, the confusion and bitterness that prevails among many women who allow their bodies to be nothing more than a vessel with man after man after man, all the while telling themselves how important it is to get the sex very early on in a relationship. That is why many women choose to hold off - they don't to become one of them.
Keep telling yourself what you need to. You have very limited experience with sex, having only had one partner, a husband. You don't know the half of it, Molli. You really don't, and you're not in a position either to offer advice to women more experienced than you are or to judge them for it.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,913,481 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TabulaRasa
Both are possible outcomes of risktaking behavior (including sex with people you don't know yet, i.e. quite a bit of what's been talked about on this thread). Some people DO have sex with people they really don't know at all, clearly. Were you not talking about the virtues of risktaking behavior in your post?
Risk taking sure. There are cost / benefits done, of course. I didn't say jump out of plane without a parachute.
For a woman, she will only have a child if she wants to have it (thank you Roe v Wade). For a guy, well, I can't imagine a guy "accidentally" getting someone pregnant unless he's a complete moron. if so, well, sorry dude, you're a moron. Not getting a woman pregnant is easy, been doing it 20 years without risk or any fear.
And we haven't been talking about sex with people we don't know yet.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,913,481 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rhenzanite
Even if used perfectly, condoms aren't 100%.
They were incredibly stupid...they had sex with someone they didn't know and now they have unwanted children.
Wow, what to say. Ok, lets cut it down. I hope this is PG13 enough.
Guys don't "accidently" ejaculate. It takes A LOT of work to orgasm as a guy. Lots of it. Most women can't have sex that hard or long with a guy wearing a condom to get there. Second, with the condom on, and no ejaculation, there is no chance of pregnancy (the pre *** sperm myth is long gone, if a guy has any clue as to sexual health (pee after orgasm, just like women do after for UTI issues, clears the pipes for men too)... any guy out there, with or without a condom (with!!!) that ejaculates inside or near the vaginal opening of a woman is a complete and utter nitwit. There are far better places to put that when you get to that point.
Condom on. No ejaculation inside or near opening. No pregnancy. Really pretty darn simple.
I guess if your dumb enough to do otherwise you get what you deserve.
I don't really believe this. Most of the time it is just a physical release, but when it is done with someone you really care about, are deeply attracted to, it often is more than just the physical release. For those that it is just a physical release, I'm thinking these are people that never really deeply connect with the person/people they sleep with.
I might be wrong, and maybe that is the idealist in me, but it is what I think .
Talking out both sides of her mouth, that one. One minute it's "sex is just a physical release," the next it's presuming that women who have had multiple partners are emotional wrecks. No logic or consistency to any of it. Sounds very confused and lost, IMHO, but maybe that's to be expected when one has been sheltered for so long.
Yes. There is no chemistry. She just using you to get a free meal
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