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I have never made out with a dude I wasn't attracted to.
For sure. Many women won't swap spit, and whatever that spit may contain (chlamydia, herpes...), unless there's an attraction. It's not something too many people do just out of boredom.
I'd like to get some perspective on this. I met a lady back on Mardi Gras day (3/4) and we hit it off really well that evening. We've been on two more dinner dates since then that I felt went well. I really enjoyed her company and I would be interested in a relationship with this woman.
The problem is that things don't seem to be progressing properly. We've made out with each other during each date but she doesn't invite me inside afterwards. I don't want to waste my time. I'm thinking she is "on the fence" with me and probably is seeing someone else also. Is it time to write this off yet?
If you feel the need to move on, just do it. A guy recently disappeared on me after 4 sexless dates. Do I care? Not really.
Oh, and by the way, when I say give it three more dates, that is assuming she takes the initiative and invites you out and pays for at least one, if not two of them. I don't think you should keep wining and dining her if there is no forward motion. Not that women owe men sex because men pay for meal, but she needs to signal her interest in you right about now, and the best way for her to do that is to take you out on a date. Better yet, in her shoes, date #4 would be on me, and date #6 would be at my place for a home-cooked meal. Then we'd see what's what--if we hadn't already.
She did pay for the last outing and has taken some initiative in getting together.
Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle
I don't know how old the OP and this woman are or what their communication's been like in between dates, but the mere fact that she's not jumping his bones after three dates/three weeks doesn't mean she's not attracted to him.
both around 30
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
What I don't understand is, why has the wine-and-dine become so ordinary? Why has the OP done 3 wine-and-dines, as if he lacks the imagination for anything else, or has money to burn? What the OP has done is: 1. Fritter away his money needlessly, while blaming the recipient of his misguided largesse, and 2. Made a fancy dinner date ordinary. The woman may now start taking dinner dates with the OP for granted. And he would have no one to blame but himself.
Dinner/drinks is convenient and fits in with my normal schedule nicely. We did go and watch a band play one night.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jillabean
It might be game playing so much as she just feels she doesn't know him well enough after just two dinners. If all they did was that (with just a little communication between maybe a few texts in between) then you really don't know the person very well yet. To some people, sex is more than just a fun act... it's also an emotional one that they just can't do until there is that emotional connection with the other person (even if there is a sexual attraction).
To the OP, there is no set rule. Some people take longer than others. It might be her personal moral code (no sex until they she's in a relationship) or it might be a simple as she's not 100% comfortable with you yet.
I guess this is my question. What is the harm in waiting longer? What's the rush? You aren't in a committed relationship with her you only went out on a couple of dates. It's not like you CAN'T date others now too. So date other women while you are dating her and if it doesn't work out, think of it as a learning experience. And do try something different than dinner--dinners are so formal and proper. You don't get to know the real person. How about go on a guide ghost tour in the city at night? Or go to a music festival? Something a little different.
Edit: For what it's worth, I've never made out with someone I am not attracted to either. Who does that other than drunk people?
No harm in waiting longer. These are good ideas, thank you.
I'd like to get some perspective on this. I met a lady back on Mardi Gras day (3/4) and we hit it off really well that evening. We've been on two more dinner dates since then that I felt went well. I really enjoyed her company and I would be interested in a relationship with this woman.
The problem is that things don't seem to be progressing properly. We've made out with each other during each date but she doesn't invite me inside afterwards. I don't want to waste my time. I'm thinking she is "on the fence" with me and probably is seeing someone else also. Is it time to write this off yet?
You're ready to write a chick off that you like after three dates? How are things supposed to progress exactly? So if she was seeing somebody else, you sleeping with her would make it better?
she has respect for her body and isn't easy. She wants a relationship (hopefully) and doesn't just sleep around all the time. Tons of men (myself included in the past) will lose total interest if a woman sleeps with them after the first date.
after a few dates with a woman (around 3-5) if she hasn't slept with me yet, i ask myself, "do i really want to date her?" because 1. You should know by then. 2. It's not fair to lead her on that far just for sex if you have no interest in dating her.
So, why don't you try talking to her? If you're really interested in the woman, which it seems, i'd say wait it out and hope for the best. Also know, that since she respects herself more and isn't "easy" i'd imagine she is much easier to trust and less willing to cheat.
Since you seem to have doubts,OP, then I would suggest that you just stop calling her. If she's interested, she'll call you back and see what happened. If she's not, then you'll have your answer and you can move on to other options. Unless she is very young, she knows that this is a possibility, so she won't be "surprised."
Some women see dating as an opportunity to get a free meal and a movie/concert. Some see it as being the start of a relationship. Unless you get a sense that the latter is the case, the former can be assumed and your discontinuing the contact will let her know that you might be on to her "game." If she doesn't call, then you might have "caught" her in the act and she may just starting looking for her next "meal ticket."
Since you seem to have doubts,OP, then I would suggest that you just stop calling her. If she's interested, she'll call you back and see what happened. If she's not, then you'll have your answer and you can move on to other options. Unless she is very young, she knows that this is a possibility, so she won't be "surprised."
Some women see dating as an opportunity to get a free meal and a movie/concert. Some see it as being the start of a relationship. Unless you get a sense that the latter is the case, the former can be assumed and your discontinuing the contact will let her know that you might be on to her "game." If she doesn't call, then you might have "caught" her in the act and she may just starting looking for her next "meal ticket."
. Unless you get a sense that the latter is the case, the former can be assumed and your discontinuing the contact will let her know that you might be on to her "game." If she doesn't call, then you might have "caught" her in the act and she may just starting looking for her next "meal ticket."
Uh, this would make sense if she didn't pay for their last outing!
They've had 3 outings. She paid for the most recent, that's a solid 33% of the outings, give or take.
Some of the guys here baffle me. If it's a money thing, simply stop taking her on dates that require money. However, because many of the guys here cry that money is their issue with this, the OP has never once said that he seems to think that's her reasoning, especially since she paid for the last date.
One time when I was single, I was sick of going on dates and not getting laid. When we wouldn't go out to eat, it seemed I would always get laid. it was weird.
You know what I did? I quit taking girls out to eat! In return, I got laid way more, and spent way less! Take up cooking, invite them over, etc. It worked great for me for the several months I did that.
Either way, OP, if you "typically" get girls in less than 3 dates, then you should easily be banging other girls on the side that are nothing more than friends with benefits. In that case, keep doing such until you and your new girl are "official" and if that never happens, then no harm lost, you're still getting laid.
If you aren't already getting laid on the side, then you have no reason to be complaining lol. You and her aren't official, there's nothing saying you can't date other women/still get laid..
What I said before, and will say again, is she respects herself. Be happy with that. Girls like that are not easy to come by.
Since you seem to have doubts,OP, then I would suggest that you just stop calling her. If she's interested, she'll call you back and see what happened. If she's not, then you'll have your answer and you can move on to other options. Unless she is very young, she knows that this is a possibility, so she won't be "surprised."
Some women see dating as an opportunity to get a free meal and a movie/concert. Some see it as being the start of a relationship. Unless you get a sense that the latter is the case, the former can be assumed and your discontinuing the contact will let her know that you might be on to her "game." If she doesn't call, then you might have "caught" her in the act and she may just starting looking for her next "meal ticket."
What does this have to do with the OP's situation? They've made out, and she's been on 3 dates with him. She's obviously attracted to him.
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Originally Posted by timberline742
That isn't obvious at all.
Add me to the list of women who isn't going to make out with a man I'm not attracted to. Not likely to sleep with someone I essentially just met either.
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How are things supposed to progress exactly? So if she was seeing somebody else, you sleeping with her would make it better?
