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Not saying you're inconsiderate, but it sounds like you'll only PAY if it's something YOU want to do.
That is about control. You pay for "all" dates, but suddenly you want to know if you should ask a HER to pay.
Also, if you haven't been to a theatre in 10 years, why would she even ask you to do that still? Eternal optimist?
THANK YOU, you said it better than I did.
I'm not saying he "should" pay for everything, just that he should be willing to pay for things that are important to her too, not just the things he's interested in doing.
Soo... if you said "I don't really like going to the theater to see movies, but if you're buying the tickets, I'll go with you"... I see no issue with this. It's not rude.
You have told her you do not like going to the movie theater, and you do take her other places and you're obviously not cheap or tight with your money.
I would only see an issue with this if you were constantly counting every dime to make sure you didn't spend more on her than she spent on you. Which, it is clear, you do not do.
You're good.
If you feel like it confused her, explain that you don't really care to pay for stuff that you really don't like to do, but you wanted to try to meet her halfway.
I'm not saying he "should" pay for everything, just that he should be willing to pay for things that are important to her too, not just the things he's interested in doing.
You mean like everything else she's wanted to do since we've been dating? Or in your opinion, is bending just meaning I do literally everything regardless?
Soo... if you said "I don't really like going to the theater to see movies, but if you're buying the tickets, I'll go with you"... I see no issue with this. It's not rude.
You have told her you do not like going to the movie theater, and you do take her other places and you're obviously not cheap or tight with your money.
I would only see an issue with this if you were constantly counting every dime to make sure you didn't spend more on her than she spent on you. Which, it is clear, you do not do.
You're good.
If you feel like it confused her, explain that you don't really care to pay for stuff that you really don't like to do, but you wanted to try to meet her halfway.
She will understand this.
No worries.
I'm sorry, but if a guy let me know he only wants to pay for things HE is interested in doing, that is the same thing as telling me he doesn't value me as much as I would want to be valued in a relationship.
Such behavior would cause me to reconsider being his girlfriend.
I can understand the people saying it is tacky to ask. That's why I asked the question here, to get your opinion.
However, to call me selfish or controlling because I didn't want to pay for a movie ticket seems a bit harsh. I hate the movies, haven't been there in 10 years. I find it to be a waste of money and I don't even like 300.. or any movies currently out. I pay for all dates, treat her well and always ask what she'd like to do. It's not like I'm some sort of inconsiderate guy who will only do what I want to and when I want to.
Hell it's not like the movie is the only thing we were going to do tonight. I'd end up paying for everything else, which would still cost more than a stupid movie.
That's why I would have paid and just watched how the relationship progressed. You didn't provide any of these facts in the original post, which made it seem as though you wanted to do what you wanted to do and if she wanted to do something different she could pay for it. I've not been in a situation where I would have to ask a man if we could do this or that and expect him to pay -- I have plenty of my own money and would have just assumed I was paying unless he insisted that he pay.
That's why I would have paid and just watched how the relationship progressed. You didn't provide any of these facts in the original post, which made it seem as though you wanted to do what you wanted to do and if she wanted to do something different she could pay for it. I've not been in a situation where I would have to ask a man if we could do this or that and expect him to pay -- I have plenty of my own money and would have just assumed I was paying unless he insisted that he pay.
I guess what I don't understand is how a guy can treat a girl well from day 1, pay for all the dates, take her to places she would never be able to go without me, take her out to the mountains hiking, take her up the coast, to the capital city... We eat good food, drink good drinks and do fun things together. We get along really well. Now, I ask her to pay for a movie ticket and it's a red flag? hmmm
You mean like everything else she's wanted to do since we've been dating? Or in your opinion, is bending just meaning I do literally everything regardless?
New relationships can struggle under the weight of these kinds of issues until some ground rules are established.
You're a good guy burgler , so I have no doubt you're good boyfriend material too.
It sounds like it's just time to have a frank conversation with her about money and how you each view it.
It's one thing to pay for the first 3 dates with a girl, but once a relationship has been established the couple should move on to a system that they are both comfortable with.
I was just trying to warn you not to tell her "I only want to pay for things I am interested in doing" - that would send a very unfortunate message!
There is no problem, I was asking people if it is really that bad to ask her to pay for this one thing. I even said I am not calling her a gold digger or think anything bad about her.
I'm simply defending myself from people calling me selfish or showing red flags.
I wouldn't ask, but at the same time, if she wants to do something I'm not interested in and I go along, they'll pony up for it 80% of the time automatically. If they don't, I'll pay and then never go out with them again.
My thoughts exactly, though it's been about 50% in my experience. But the second you ASK, you're instantly "that guy". You'd have to find a more playful way to go about suggesting it to avoid sounding tacky, but you definitely can't ask. She'll flip out.
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