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I'm 19, 20 in august, currently in community college, and working min. wage 15-30 hours a week. I live at home sharing a room with my 10 year old sister. my parents want me to work/go to school full time, and still take care of the house and family (mainly my sister and the dogs). I have a curfew at 12 am. I am supposed to get my sister up for school every morning, take of the the dogs, and clean. If I have class and not work I have to come straight home and start on cleaning. I go see my boyfriend once a week at his house or he comes here and we see each other about 3 times a week for about 3 hours on average. I pay for everything that I need/want too. My mom already kicked me out once, and demands 300/month, $ for groceries and laundry, as well paying my own bills. I was going to, but then she refused the money and told me to leave, knowing I couldn't afford it, and that only 3 weeks is not enough time to leave. I moved in with a friend for 5 months, and once my mom and seemed to be on our way to building a better relationship I moved back home. Now she lies and says I left by my own choice and that she will kick me out "for real" this time. She constantly puts me down starts arguments saying I'm not needed and to get out, that I only cost her money and I don't do anything to help her . She stills wants the same rent and payments, and says she doesn't care about my bills or anything I have to pay for, because it's not her problem. My dad just agrees with everything she says and doesn't stick up for me or doesn't really interfere. I always follow the rules, and I admit, I do have an attitude sometimes, but I quickly get over it. She expects so much from me nothing from my younger 18 and 16 year old brothers who break the law and constantly disrespect her and my dad. Plus, my little sister is being spoiled and gets whatever she wants too.
I have tried being reasonable but it’s caused me so much emotional and mental stress, and I get depressed a lot. The 5 month kicking out left me 2600 in debt from credit cards and and with trying to find a full time job/working/taking care of home I failed classes last semester, and on the verge of doing it again this semester.
My boyfriend wants to ask his parents if I can live with him, but I said no, because I don’t want be their burden.We decided it would be best to get our own place, in about 6 months. I can get a better job by then, and pay off some of the credit card down and we can save up. I’m thinking about a studio apartment, which will be in well within our budget (we are good with basics). I've heard it’s not the best choice because we are young and haven’t been together that long. we have been friends 7th grade (7 years), and been together for almost a year.I need to move out regardless because of home life, it's affecting school, my stress level (which has ultimately messed with my eating habits and depression), and I feel like I’ll be kicked out soon. Am I doing the right thing? I am trying to get my life in order. I want to be happy, successful, and independent, as well as become a teacher and between all this marry my wonderful boyfriend, who I fell for in 7th grade and after everything has been the only guy really there for me. But living with my mother I know will only hold me back, mentally and physically. I even considered going to a shelter or something it's this bad...I need some advice, any advice.
A lot of people work full time, go to community college, pay their own bills and look after a home and family. Is there some reason you think you shouldn't have to work as hard as others to build a future for yourself?
This is temporary. Suck it up and lose the entitlement attitude.
Don't move out with the dream you have but if you just need to get out of the house go for it. Realistically you will probably break up but at least it gets you out of the house. It doesn't really sound like you guy's have a solid plan though, you don't even have a job that will allow this to happen so after you deal with all the "if's" and get to "reality" you may want to rethink your situation.
OP, since it looks like this is you first post I just want to tell you to be aware that some people on CD love to sh*t on others regardless of the circumstance. (ESPECIALLY anything having to do with millennials who have the audacity to be unhappy with finances, living situations, or anything, really. Even when they have a good reason to be.) The first response is a perfect example of this. You don't need to respond to every post. Just respond to the people giving you actual advice, ignore the a-holes, and move on.
Anyway, I think moving out with your bf or just moving out in general would be a great thing for you. It sounds like your current situation is toxic and you would probably be a lot happier without your mom. Get out ASAP so that you can be happy and do what you need to do to make a future for yourself. However, you need to get a job FIRST, then move out.
Last edited by luckynumber4; 03-26-2014 at 05:50 AM..
I never said that I'm entitled to anything. I have absolutely no problem helping out at home, or contributing to bills. Obviously, I am looking to a better future and becoming a better person. I have a job, looking for a better opportunity, and I am responsible for everything that goes on in my life.
Honestly, I'm more concerned with always being told that I'm not wanted, or needed at home, and that I just cost money. I do most of the work but get treated the worst. I get told to shut up most of the time and get threatened if I try to speak up. If I even sound upset they scream at me, saying that they are not going to deal with me (usually putting my other family into the mix), that my job doesn't do sh*t for them. They demand 300 dollars plus paying for my own groceries, and laundry and any other expenses they seem fit.I would love to pay for all that, but my paychecks are okay but not enough to support all that; I already have bills that amount to about 200 each month. I've been actively looking for a new job to pay more, but it's harder with relying on public transportation and being without much experience.
My brother is 18, still in high school, but does whatever he wants, and at the most he gets yelled at, but that's because he's 6"4 and I think my parents are afraid of him. My younger cousin who is 16 does nothing right and yet my parents give him chance after chance because his parents don't really get involved with him, even though he has lived with us since age 5. Between the both of them this year alone they have gotten arrested, drove a car w/o license and registration, cursed at my parents, left the house without permission, skipped school, got into altercations with my parents, not clean the house, and have had the police show up at the house. Even one is now wearing an ankle bracelet. My parents seem to forgive all this and let them repeatedly mess up time and time again. My younger sister is spoiled and gets whatever she wants. AT 9 she has a tablet, phone, and laptop, plus all name brand shoes and such. She screams at my parents, still throws tantrums, and is rude to them. If she gets in trouble, like the other two she gets out within a day and they're back to treating them like nothing is wrong. My dad always defends my brother because "that's my son".
That's why I want to leave. The whole thing of constantly being put down and just shut down negatively affects my health, and my school work and social life.
As far as my boyfriend. We have remained friends since meeting seven years ago. We liked each other then, but as you know middle schoolers know nothing about love or relationships, so that didn't work out. We ended up at different high schools but with technology kept in touch. Once I decided to leave university because of the expenses (I had to pay for it on my own) and go to community college, we clicked again. It was like we have been together for years. People actually think it's been 3-5 years of us together, even though it's only been 6 months. Our relationship is based of friendship first, which I like the most.
Oh, and by the way, I never said move out right away. We are just planning things, I'm anticipating 6-9 months before moving out on our own (we would be together for over a year by that time). By then I will have a more supportive job, and pay my debts so that I can be able to rent an apartment. This week we are going to go and talk about options, as well as our relationship and how it would impact staying together.
I wouldn't move in with your boyfriend; however, I would look for a cheap room to rent close to where you're taking classes or talk to some girlfriends and rent an apartment together. Your boyfriend isn't the only option out of the situation.
Why -- no matter how long you have known someone, moving in together changes things.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by randomlikeme
I wouldn't move in with your boyfriend; however, I would look for a cheap room to rent close to where you're taking classes or talk to some girlfriends and rent an apartment together. Your boyfriend isn't the only option out of the situation.
Agreed. Small steps at this time. Get independent before moving in with a SO.
Agreed. Small steps at this time. Get independent before moving in with a SO.
Yes -- I have known many women who moved in with boyfriend after boyfriend....and never lived independently and all have regretted not having that experience.
I wouldn't move in with your boyfriend; however, I would look for a cheap room to rent close to where you're taking classes or talk to some girlfriends and rent an apartment together. Your boyfriend isn't the only option out of the situation.
Excellent advise OP, do move out but not with your b/f(there's time for the later). Your home life sounds toxic and you seem to have your head together. Enjoy your 20's damn it, they're great years!
I agree with the advice about trying to move out on your own first.
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I never said that I'm entitled to anything. I have absolutely no problem helping out at home, or contributing to bills. Obviously, I am looking to a better future and becoming a better person. I have a job, looking for a better opportunity, and I am responsible for everything that goes on in my life. 
