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The one thing I've seen with these people is that they tend not to have female platonic friends and never have. They just aren't comfortable hanging /talking to the other sex.
Not true at all. I used to be that way, but had several good female friends. Female friends who would give me advice all day, but always felt the need to point out they didn't like me in 'that way'.
Women of all ages game. When I played WoW off and on for about 3ish years (BC through Wrath of the Lich king) I was a member of 2 guilds, both had women gamers, and my first guild was a mostly college and friends guild, my 2nd guild was a bunch of players who wanted to casually raid when we could, and drink. the 2nd guild I was in had more women players than men players, and there ages were mid-20s to I think mid-late 50s, and some guys who were in the armed forces. It was a pretty neat experience.
When I wasn't teaching new DKs, Mages, and Rogues how to DPS, I was flirting with all but 2 of the women, since both of them would always play with there husbands.
I think its perfectly understandable. The guy world is often much different from the girl world. Guys are into sports, computer games, technology, building etc. Guy stuff. They are not into shopping for clothes, makeup, hair, the latest TV reality show. Its a very large gulf. Many guys might have very little contact with women other than their mother or sisters. They often work with all or mostly men. Their leisure activities are guy stuff. Not only that, they might find very little of interest in conversation with women because women know nothing about their world, and vice versa.
I think its perfectly understandable. The guy world is often much different from the girl world. Guys are into sports, computer games, technology, building etc. Guy stuff. They are not into shopping for clothes, makeup, hair, the latest TV reality show. Its a very large gulf. Many guys might have very little contact with women other than their mother or sisters. They often work with all or mostly men. Their leisure activities are guy stuff. Not only that, they might find very little of interest in conversation with women because women know nothing about their world, and vice versa.
You are so right. All guys talk about are home runs in football games, hammer and wrench doohickeys, Xboxing, and penises while my women friends and I talk about lipstick, our hair, Kim Kardashian, and our vaginas while out shopping for tampons together. I just have no idea what to talk about when I encounter someone with a penis. Most of the time, my husband and I just sit and stare at each there. I mean - we know NOTHING about each other's worlds. I mean - he has a PENIS and I have a VAGINA!
... When I read posts from guys who have a tough time in the dating arena there is a consistent pattern of an inability for both men and women in the real world to relate to them.
For example, maybe their whole world revolves around online message boards or things like Reddit. Maybe they play video games on their free time. Maybe they watch Japanese cartoons all the time. Maybe they read comic books or fantasy novels or science fantasy novels. ...
I definitely agree with the part regarding not being sociable, but not with the part about "nerdy" hobbies. For instance, in my city's local atheist meetup group, there are lots of couples (married, or boyfriend/girlfriend) where both the male and female are fans of Japanese cartoons, comic books, superheroes, fantasy board-games, fantasy novels and the like. On the other hand, a person could be a loner who enjoys building furniture, riding motorcycles, mountain climbing and running… all decidedly non-nerd avocations… and still be a consummate loner who struggles to build human connections.
The really "nerdy" activities, however, aren't video games or role-playing games, but what used to be old stalwarts: for instance bridge (the card game). I absolutely adore bridge, and the social highlight of my day is our lunchtime bridge game at home. Unfortunately, typically the players are over 70. I can't help wondering, if this were the 1920s, that my bridge-playing would have been an excellent segue into meeting women.
Also, I would draw stark distinction between being sociable and outgoing at work, vs. one's personal life. It is entirely possible to be an effective public speaker, a leader in the workplace, the facilitator of meetings, the delegator of tasks, a mentor and even a good supervisor, all while struggling with deathly trepidation in the social scene. Why? Because at work one has a mandate, a soapbox. Show competency and basic empathy towards others, and you will be respected. But in the social scene, no such direct formula exists.
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742
LOL at there not being tons of women into sports. .... It must have been close to 50/50 male/female last night at the alumni association event I went to for the sweet 16, any given NHL or NFL game at a bar will have a significant percentage of women there.
Agreed. I'm shocked at how many women list being "huge sports fans" in their OK-Cupid and Plenty of Fish profiles. As a man who detests spectator-sports, I find my aversion to sports to be a disadvantage in dating (or for just making female friends), NOT and advantage.
Quote:
Originally Posted by augiedogie
I think its perfectly understandable. The guy world is often much different from the girl world. Guys are into sports, computer games, technology, building etc. Guy stuff. They are not into shopping for clothes, makeup, hair, the latest TV reality show. Its a very large gulf. Many guys might have very little contact with women other than their mother or sisters. They often work with all or mostly men. Their leisure activities are guy stuff. Not only that, they might find very little of interest in conversation with women because women know nothing about their world, and vice versa.
I partially agree. I'm an engineer. My workplace is starkly male-dominated. Before widespread computer automation, there were many clerical positions, and these were typically filled by women. Today those positions are obsolete. My workplace believes in diversity, and tries to hire female engineers. But almost invariably they marry, have kids, and drop out of the workforce. Most of my colleagues have stay-at-home wives.
However, I find that even guys drop out of "guy stuff" in midlife. Their lives revolve around career, family and (often) church. If you enjoy "building stuff", you'll find plenty of male compatriots at age 25 or 30. But move into your 40s, and even the most gendered hobbies empty out. Look at the typical drag-racing hangout, for example. It's teenage boys and elderly men. The middle is hollowed-out. My point is that the unmarried man of a certain age will have difficulties building social connections with anyone - male or female - because of the demographic pressures.
I guess I just don't get it. I understand not meeting them casually out and about, I mean, almost all my hobbies are solo or male dominated arenas, but I've always had a lot of female friends.
Define "Friends"
I know quite a few women who are just acquaintances, the only ones I consider friends are the wives of my buddies. Like the secretary, we'll go on lunch break and sometimes she'll ride up the chairlift with me and we'll bull**** about life. Once we get to the top we part ways and see each other back at work and talk about our run. I'd never just hangout with her like I would a friend.
If I see a few random women I know but I'm not interested in I'll sit at their table for 5-10 mins and bull****, but I would never make plans with them, they're just nice and fun to talk to for short periods of time.
I think it would be strange to just hangout with a women you have no interest in. To each their own though!
I think its perfectly understandable. The guy world is often much different from the girl world. Guys are into sports, computer games, technology, building etc. Guy stuff. They are not into shopping for clothes, makeup, hair, the latest TV reality show. Its a very large gulf. Many guys might have very little contact with women other than their mother or sisters. They often work with all or mostly men. Their leisure activities are guy stuff. Not only that, they might find very little of interest in conversation with women because women know nothing about their world, and vice versa.
Mod cut: Orphaned (quoted post has been deleted).
So you agree that the "guy world" is so much different that the "girl world?" So, you are into sports, computer games, technology, building, etc and you believe that women are into shopping for clothes, makeup, hair, the latest reality show? And that there is a huge gulf in between these two worlds? I think that's RIDICULOUS. Yes, all caps. And that poster didn't say that some men have a hard time because of this - he said that the guy world is much different from the girl world. And this guy is married. If there is such a huge gulf - I wonder how he manages to communicate with is wife.
I think its perfectly understandable. The guy world is often much different from the girl world. Guys are into sports, computer games, technology, building etc. Guy stuff. They are not into shopping for clothes, makeup, hair, the latest TV reality show. Its a very large gulf. Many guys might have very little contact with women other than their mother or sisters. They often work with all or mostly men. Their leisure activities are guy stuff. Not only that, they might find very little of interest in conversation with women because women know nothing about their world, and vice versa.
Most of the men I've come across that have issues with women in the arena of relateability (not a word, I know), usually it's because they think women are such foreign creatures, they don't know what to say to them or what to talk about. I also think they're looking for or dating the wrong type of woman for themselves.
Since "guy stuff" was brought up. If you like that stuff and want a woman that likes those things, you should probably look for that. If you're a hardcore gamer and love gaming with people, find a woman who does the same. Ditto with sports. OR at least fine someone willing to accept that you do that or willing to learn more about it.
But then again, there are couples who live separate lives filled with separate likes and seem happy too.
I've always hung out with the boys. They did the things I wanted to do. I also got along with them easier, related to them easier, and was more comfortable being around them, than women. I have/had a group of women friends and I enjoy their company, but yet, I just can't be me.
So I get why 49ersfan27 doesn't want women in his social group. Heck, my xh was more "woman" than me and I hated it when he'd hang with me and my guy friends. I couldn't be myself and he DRAGGED us down because he wouldn't "do" those "manly" things. OMFG! It's also why I will groan loudly when my guy friends want to bring their "gf's along". They change the dynamic of the group and it's usually way less fun.
Oh, and I don't game, don't watch anime, enjoy sports but don't know stats nor everything about it, I just enjoy being "one of the guys" and being crude, living in the gutter, and making inappropriate jokes. LOL.
Most of the men I've come across that have issues with women in the arena of relateability (not a word, I know), usually it's because they think women are such foreign creatures, they don't know what to say to them or what to talk about. I also think they're looking for or dating the wrong type of woman for themselves.
Since "guy stuff" was brought up. If you like that stuff and want a woman that likes those things, you should probably look for that. If you're a hardcore gamer and love gaming with people, find a woman who does the same. Ditto with sports. OR at least fine someone willing to accept that you do that or willing to learn more about it.
But then again, there are couples who live separate lives filled with separate likes and seem happy too.
I've always hung out with the boys. They did the things I wanted to do. I also got along with them easier, related to them easier, and was more comfortable being around them, than women. I have/had a group of women friends and I enjoy their company, but yet, I just can't be me.
So I get why 49ersfan27 doesn't want women in his social group. Heck, my xh was more "woman" than me and I hated it when he'd hang with me and my guy friends. I couldn't be myself and he DRAGGED us down because he wouldn't "do" those "manly" things. OMFG! It's also why I will groan loudly when my guy friends want to bring their "gf's along". They change the dynamic of the group and it's usually way less fun.
Oh, and I don't game, don't watch anime, enjoy sports but don't know stats nor everything about it, I just enjoy being "one of the guys" and being crude, living in the gutter, and making inappropriate jokes. LOL.
See she gets it.
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