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Location: "Silicon Valley" (part of San Francisco Bay Area, California, USA)
4,375 posts, read 4,070,027 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa
Sorry, I meant you, not the OP. But you know that.
Well, I don't have any boundary issues. Just some shyness and a lot of loneliness.
If the OP had told me she had a painful experience at the GYN, I would not respond to that by talking about how I thought there was an erotic aspect to it. I would say "I'm sorry it was painful for you, how can I help?".
The point of contention is, what if she does not mention that it was painful and uncomfortable, and merely says that she went to the GYN exam. How then is it necessarily immature to reply with "oh that's interesting honey, I always thought it was hot to think of a woman going to that"?
Now if she replies "well it was a painful and uncomfortable experience, and I really don't want you to discuss that being erotic in any way", then yes, of course it was wrong to continue discussing erotic aspects.
I don't know where the communication problem is on my part in trying to get across the point that, while I think it was inappropriate to continue discussing it after she said that, I do not think it was necessarily inappropriate to say it before she said it was painful, uncomfortable etc.
Location: "Silicon Valley" (part of San Francisco Bay Area, California, USA)
4,375 posts, read 4,070,027 times
Reputation: 2158
Quote:
Originally Posted by TracySam
I believe I gave several direct quotations.
Well, based on what you said, I don't see any evidence that your SO wants you to be forced to do anything. I think that's a lame interpretation. I was responding to that.
I definitely agree that it's not appropriate for him to keep telling you about his fantasies or whatever if you feel very hurt and you explained to him that it hurts you and that you want him to not talk about it.
I was just saying that before you said that, I don't think there was anything "immature" about him having a medical fetish or whatever and telling you how he felt. Now that you have, yes, I agree, it is a little silly/immature for him to keep bringing it up.
Wow, this thread really took off while I was working.
First, I never said in this thread or in real life that I'm one of the women who finds GYN exams traumatic. Yes, there are women who do feel that way, which is all the more reason why guys shouldn't make lewd jokes about GYN exams.
Second, I never, ever said I was "hurt" by my partner's immature jokes. Neutrino keeps bringing up how these jokes "hurt" me and I should have said something. No, these jokes don't "hurt" me. "Hurt" and "annoyed" are two different things. In my SO's defense, I'm sure if he had said something that HURT me, and I let him know, he wouldn't say it again.
Third, Neutrino, people in long term relationships get annoyed with each other a lot. It doesn't mean they don't still love each other. It doesn't mean they're incompatible. It doesn't mean they shouldn't be together. Rest assured, if you are to ever become part of a long term relationship, you'll be annoying your partner a lot. All the time I would imagine.
Fourth, while I don't think couples should expect each other to be mind-readers, when you are with a person for a long time, you DO learn to read the person, or at least you should. If he makes these immature wisecracks and I roll my eyes and say "Ugh" or "Oh, please" in disgust, that's a very clear signal that I find those jokes annoying.
Fifth, you don't seem to be "getting" that there's a difference between finding some situation arousing and making tasteless jokes about it. If he had said to me, when we were in bed, "Hey, let's act out your exam, I think it would be fun," that would be much different than jokes about the fingers, the lube, the nurse's rings, and "yodeling in the canyon."
Sixth (I didn't mean to get into this enumerating thing, but I'm on a roll dammit), you need to recognize that although there are all kinds of humor, some types of humor are immature to almost all adults. This would include jokes about farts, poop, and genitals. My SO's jokes about my exams are most definitely immature. Does it mean I look down on him as inferior? No, because he's not immature in most other realms of life. So even though I see his tasteless, adolescent joking about my GYN exams as an inferior kind of humor and immature, it doesn't mean I'm labeling HIM as a person, as inferior and immature. Besides, he's inferior and immature because he can't get his socks into the hamper, not because of this stuff.
Wow, this thread really took off while I was working.
First, I never said in this thread or in real life that I'm one of the women who finds GYN exams traumatic. Yes, there are women who do feel that way, which is all the more reason why guys shouldn't make lewd jokes about GYN exams.
Second, I never, ever said I was "hurt" by my partner's immature jokes. Neutrino keeps bringing up how these jokes "hurt" me and I should have said something. No, these jokes don't "hurt" me. "Hurt" and "annoyed" are two different things. In my SO's defense, I'm sure if he had said something that HURT me, and I let him know, he wouldn't say it again.
Third, Neutrino, people in long term relationships get annoyed with each other a lot. It doesn't mean they don't still love each other. It doesn't mean they're incompatible. It doesn't mean they shouldn't be together. Rest assured, if you are to ever become part of a long term relationship, you'll be annoying your partner a lot. All the time I would imagine.
Fourth, while I don't think couples should expect each other to be mind-readers, when you are with a person for a long time, you DO learn to read the person, or at least you should. If he makes these immature wisecracks and I roll my eyes and say "Ugh" or "Oh, please" in disgust, that's a very clear signal that I find those jokes annoying.
Fifth, you don't seem to be "getting" that there's a difference between finding some situation arousing and making tasteless jokes about it. If he had said to me, when we were in bed, "Hey, let's act out your exam, I think it would be fun," that would be much different than jokes about the fingers, the lube, the nurse's rings, and "yodeling in the canyon."
Sixth (I didn't mean to get into this enumerating thing, but I'm on a roll dammit), you need to recognize that although there are all kinds of humor, some types of humor are immature to almost all adults. This would include jokes about farts, poop, and genitals. My SO's jokes about my exams are most definitely immature. Does it mean I look down on him as inferior? No, because he's not immature in most other realms of life. So even though I see his tasteless, adolescent joking about my GYN exams as an inferior kind of humor and immature, it doesn't mean I'm labeling HIM as a person, as inferior and immature. Besides, he's inferior and immature because he can't get his socks into the hamper, not because of this stuff.
What is it with the socks and the hamper!!! I told my husband that whatever doesn't make it into the hamper doesn't get washed!
To the poster who repped me and said I never answered his question:
I was not avoiding this question; I just overlooked it. And when I did read it, it's didn't make much sense, but here goes.
I never considered that my SO wanted a threesome with me and the nurse practitioner. I'm not sure where that idea came from. He said "Oooh, I'm jealous," but I believe he meant to imply, jokingly, that the exam was some type of a sexual contact. I did mention to him the nurse doing my exams for at least the last 7-8 years has been an older woman in her 60s. That's the age of our moms; so no, I don't think his mind is going there. But thank you for your input.
Location: "Silicon Valley" (part of San Francisco Bay Area, California, USA)
4,375 posts, read 4,070,027 times
Reputation: 2158
Quote:
Originally Posted by TracySam
First, I never said in this thread or in real life that I'm one of the women who finds GYN exams traumatic. Yes, there are women who do feel that way, which is all the more reason why guys shouldn't make lewd jokes about GYN exams.
Once they gain knowledge of the person finding it traumatic and wishing not to hear jokes about it, yes I agree 1000%. This is not a topic that comes up often in every day life, however, so many men would not be familiar with some women having a traumatic experience. I wasn't.
Quote:
Second, I never, ever said I was "hurt" by my partner's immature jokes. Neutrino keeps bringing up how these jokes "hurt" me and I should have said something.
That was my impression, but others apparently feel that you were hurt so I was responding to them.
Quote:
Third, Neutrino, people in long term relationships get annoyed with each other a lot. It doesn't mean they don't still love each other. It doesn't mean they're incompatible.
Fair enough.
Quote:
Fourth, while I don't think couples should expect each other to be mind-readers, when you are with a person for a long time, you DO learn to read the person, or at least you should. If he makes these immature wisecracks and I roll my eyes and say "Ugh" or "Oh, please" in disgust, that's a very clear signal that I find those jokes annoying.
Indeed, but again, I was saying before you send those signals, it isn't necessarily an immature act to discuss his feelings with you.
Quote:
Fifth, you don't seem to be "getting" that there's a difference between finding some situation arousing and making tasteless jokes about it. If he had said to me, when we were in bed, "Hey, let's act out your exam, I think it would be fun," that would be much different than jokes about the fingers, the lube, the nurse's rings, and "yodeling in the canyon."
I do get it, but we just have a different sense of humor. I agree that if it is hurting you and you don't want him to say it then he shouldn't. One man's funny joke is another man's tasteless joke.
Quote:
you need to recognize that although there are all kinds of humor, some types of humor are immature to almost all adults. This would include jokes about farts, poop, and genitals.
I strongly disagree with this. Adam Sandler made millions of dollars from the rated R comedy That's My Boy (which children were not allowed to attend) because this is not true. You personally might find such things offensive and inappropriate and immature, but Sandler's multi-million dollar net worth says that not everyone or even the majority agrees. Not to mention Leslie Nielson and the Naked Gun series, the Police Academy series, the Airplane series, 40 Year Old Virgin (a movie near and dear to my heart lol), Knocked Up, Blazing Saddles etc.
All had jokes involving "farts, poop and genitals", all were very successful. Blazing Saddles has a hilarious 10 minute fart scene in it if I recall correctly. In fact when I first saw it, my father pointed out "I remember that this movie has a funny fart scene". So by your logic, this movie should have found no success, as all adults would be offended, and it was rated R, so in theory no children were present in its initial release. Yet,
Quote:
Originally Posted by Turner Classic Movies
Blazing Saddles was a huge box-office hit and remains the highest-grossing Western of all time, though critical reviews were mixed when it first opened theatrically. Newsweek proclaimed the picture an "insane take-off on the classic Western. . . .triggering laughs that measure a full ten on the Richter scale."
Location: "Silicon Valley" (part of San Francisco Bay Area, California, USA)
4,375 posts, read 4,070,027 times
Reputation: 2158
On YouTube, the blazing saddles fart scene ("Blazing Saddles --Farting Cowboys- Greatest Fart Scene of All Time") has 2.4+ million views. 3,475 people voted thumbs up, 212 voted thumbs down.
User "Martha Cranell" whose avatar makes her appear to be an adult female(40s), commented "Just wait. Casey now announces, "BUHP!" after anyone burps, and blows a raspberry if anyone makes a different sort of noise..."
"Lilou S." who also appears to be an adult female (30s), commented "Good old beans ".
"jetterbetters1985" (looks in her 20s) comments, "Dang this is funny. Bahahaha"
In fact most of the people making positive comments about the scene appear to be adults.
On YouTube, the blazing saddles fart scene ("Blazing Saddles --Farting Cowboys- Greatest Fart Scene of All Time") has 2.4+ million views. 3,475 people voted thumbs up, 212 voted thumbs down.
User "Martha Cranell" whose avatar makes her appear to be an adult female(40s), commented "Just wait. Casey now announces, "BUHP!" after anyone burps, and blows a raspberry if anyone makes a different sort of noise..."
"Lilou S." who also appears to be an adult female (30s), commented "Good old beans ".
"jetterbetters1985" (looks in her 20s) comments, "Dang this is funny. Bahahaha"
In fact most of the people making positive comments about the scene appear to be adults.
These is something that is deemed to be for comedy purposes though.
A GYN exam is never humorous. Ever.
Signed,
Adult
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