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Well, I was replying to others who used and implied the word hurt.
That's what I'm asking you.
Because many others on this thread have made those accusations about me.
Sounds like you need to talk to nurseygirl, timberline, zentropa, and dewdrop93 about that, not me. They were the ones implying my comments were the same as supporting rape or something.
In no way am I equating your comments with support of rape. (Hell of a leap there though!) I am saying that making jokes about GYN exams are immature. You seem to disagree and think it's perfectly acceptable.
I think you can now ascertain that a healthy portion of women here feel that making jokes about a GYN exam are not received warmly and are frowned upon.
Take this advice and know not to make jokes when a woman says she's going for her lady visit.
HOWEVER, if this particular lady you finally are getting busy with says "I kind of find it erotic when they slide cold hard metal into my lady bits and stretch it wide" that's when you can explore her fantasy about it.
No jokes should be made about it unless she says otherwise. PERIOD.
Location: "Silicon Valley" (part of San Francisco Bay Area, California, USA)
4,375 posts, read 4,067,017 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nurseygrl
I am NOT telling you that is not evil, hurtful or cruel to make jokes about it.
You clearly implied that. You are saying that somehow I am morally inferior to you because I don't think someone else is evil for seeing something erotic about a medical examination.
If she is bothered, annoyed, etc., she would tell him, but unless she tells him, it should be fine.
In any case, TracySam has stated several times that she isn't hurt in the sense that you are implying, just annoyed. Those are profoundly different.
You clearly implied that. You are saying that somehow I am morally inferior to you because I don't think someone else is evil for seeing something erotic about a medical examination.
If she is bothered, annoyed, etc., she would tell him, but unless she tells him, it should be fine.
In any case, TracySam has stated several times that she isn't hurt in the sense that you are implying, just annoyed. Those are profoundly different.
So if you walked up to someone and started making jokes about dead parents, only to discover the individual has deceased parents, you comments would be appropriate until they told you their parents were dead?
That's your logic.
She should not have to tell him that it is uncomfortable, annoying or bothersome. It should be understood in the mainstream unless she says otherwise.
That's my logic.
Does that mean that he can make jokes about peeing on her in a sexual act because he finds it erotic? Then if she says it makes her uncomfortable/annoyed then it should be fine and he can stop?
That's your logic.
I would be uncomfortable and annoyed if someone ever brought up GYN exams as erotic. I am aware that there is a following of people who find medical exams erotic. That's terrific for them. They are in no way inferior (morally or otherwise) than me, just different. But my point is, you don't bring it up and then back pedal. You allow the individual to express how they feel first, and then can agree or disagree, especially in such a sensitive area.
Medical exams are necessary, not evil. They should not be seen as evil. They should however be treated respectfully, especially the women undergoing the exam. It is not a light topic of discussion for everyone and should be treated with respect not eroticism unless expressed by the woman herself.
Location: "Silicon Valley" (part of San Francisco Bay Area, California, USA)
4,375 posts, read 4,067,017 times
Reputation: 2158
Quote:
Originally Posted by nurseygrl
So if you walked up to someone and started making jokes about dead parents, only to discover the individual has deceased parents, you comments would be appropriate until they told you their parents were dead?
ok, again, what TracySam said and what you are saying are very different.
She's saying "annoyed" like one is "annoyed" if their roommate uses their toothbrush, or a woman might be "annoyed" if her boyfriend left the toilet seat up after he used the bathroom.
Whereas you are claiming moral superiority. These are very different.
In any case, my mother died in 1989, when I was 11 and she was 40 (she had a burst brain aneurysm) and no, I would not expect someone who has not discussed that with me to know that. Nor would I feel morally superior to them were they to make a joke about my dead mother before learning she is dead. Unless of course the comment was made with hostile intent, which isn't the case here.
Quote:
I would be uncomfortable and annoyed if someone ever brought up GYN exams as erotic. I am aware that there is a following of people who find medical exams erotic. That's terrific for them. They are in no way inferior (morally or otherwise) than me, just different.
Well, that isn't indicated by the tone of your post. Please correct that discrepancy, thanks.
The posters I listed indeed were implying that. So talk to them.
No, we haven't. There is a serious disconnect going on between what is being said and what you are getting from it.
And there is a difference between joking about exams like calling something a rotor rooter or a boobie smusher - and sexualizing an exam. You don't seem to understand this. If my doctor said, "Now we're going to have to put you in the boobie smusher!" that would be funny. If he told me, "Now I'm going to feel you up - I hope you enjoy it as much as I do!" that would be creepy. So, when the OP's husband is "joking" with her - he's sexualizing it - not just using humor. That is what is annoying and or offensive to many people.
And I don't recall anyone saying that the OP was "hurt" by this humor. Annoyed, possibly offended, irritated, etc. - yes. But not hurt. At least that was never my understanding.
We can go round and round with this - but you are the only one that doesn't quite understand what we've been saying. And nobody is saying that you are evil, cruel, inferior, or whatever else you seem to be getting from this. Like I asked before - are you suffering from PTSD or something? Because I'm not sure where you are getting this from. I've told you that you are inexperienced and that you lack understanding of the situation because of that - but I've never thought or even hinted at you being evil. That's just bizarre.
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