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Old 03-31-2014, 09:56 AM
 
Location: Middle of the valley
48,436 posts, read 34,627,532 times
Reputation: 73585

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Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyflower3191981 View Post
I understand single mom started this thread. Do you know why did she have to start this kind of thread?

Personally, even though I aint a single mom myself, I do wonder myself why the hell so many men make an issue about dating single moms ONLINE? If I don't want to date somebody, I just don't date them, I won't start threads after threads convincing other people NOT to.

well, telling people "she is a ****ty person who messed up her relationship" sounds pretty much like attacking to me.

There's is an odd anger, and definite cruelty you see from some of these people. Just don't date them and move on.
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Old 03-31-2014, 09:58 AM
 
Location: Newport Beach, California
39,044 posts, read 27,462,475 times
Reputation: 15954
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43 View Post
There's is an odd anger, and definite cruelty you see from some of these people. Just don't date them and move on.
exactly!
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Old 03-31-2014, 09:59 AM
 
Location: USA
30,740 posts, read 21,872,773 times
Reputation: 18925
Quote:
Originally Posted by dragon_fly_12 View Post
The flaw with this thinking on get married, have kids, stay married.

Some of us did start on this path. Marriage, life together, then a kid. However, if I had decided to stay married, I would have also had to accept the 'sister wife' my ex husband introduced into the relationship. And, that's just not how I roll. I'm sure there are several others, men and women, that can relate.
Now that is interesting. How would someone think they could pull this off. Was it religous or did the guy of a giant ego? Have you posted on it?
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Old 03-31-2014, 10:18 AM
 
3,063 posts, read 3,263,965 times
Reputation: 3641
Quote:
Originally Posted by krieger00 View Post
My only issue with single moms are I think it selfish to have a kid because you wanted someone to love or it was the only thing you wanted in life. Knowing darn well you do not have the money to have a child in the first place.

If a female was in a relationship and had a kid that a different story . Also if a female had a great job and could financially support her and a child it might be ok with that.

All I know is I want to be a dad someday but right now not the best time .See I am going back to college to get a better job one that can feed a family.

I thought about once college is done if I can't find a good woman I might adopt a child and be a single dad .
Hmmm because all single moms are the same and had a child they couldn't afford or had a child with the first joe smoe they met because they wanted a child so badly?

I don't care if there are men that don't want to date me because I'm a single mom. But you don't even have to justify it by delving into stereotypes or assumptions about single moms to make your case. That is what is offensive.. I don't care if you don't want me. But don't tell me that because I'm a single mom I behave a certain way, or label me negatively because you know women that are single moms that live a lifestyle you don't agree with.


I didnt follow a straight and narrow path-get married, have a kid, etc. I don't follow straight in narrow paths these days anyway. Success is usually a zig-zag, or a line that slopes and curves and goes downward and upward. There is no straight path in life or a necessary right way in doing things that everyone must follow if they want a certain life. There are many paths, many ways, and many right ways to go about getting to where you want to be.

I met a guy at 17, didnt know at the time how to vett for whether or not this man at 17 would be the right type of man to marry, or to have a child with. In fact at 17 I was thinking with my hormones and judging him based on how much fun we had and how attractive and sweet and good he was to me at that age. I fell in love, gave him my Virginity and continued on with my life, going to college, working, getting internships, graduating and getting my peg place and a career. Still while dating him. Signs popped up, that he was not right for me, but I was stupid and young and dumb and in love so I overlooked it. We got engaged and things were starting to make it clear to me that he was not the type of man I should marry let alone have kids with. We were too different and had grown apart too much in the 7 years we were together..ironically once I realized this I also found out I was pregnant.

Things went more downhill, and we tried. But I left him. I could have married him anyway and tried to make it work but I didnt. I don't feel like a victim, I don't blame him, and I don't feel anything negative for my situation. It has humbled me, and made me a stronger, wiser woman. I've learned many lessons and have since made many accomplishments since having my child. Life certainly is not as easy as it was before I had him, but Im making it and I'm not on welfare lol and I'm still striving and working toward the same goals ive always had. I meet men all the time, especially since my field is male dominated. And im not one to pursue or chase or need a man to feel validated as a mother or as a woman. Despite this i get pursued frequently and the majority of the time by childless men. I don't even talk about my son when I'm dating beyond making it known that I have him and don't care to merge that part of my life with the men in dating right now. When i do, yes I do expect that particular man to accept my son just like he does me. But I would argue that the only way that would happen would be if it were a very special man that I knew without a doubt had no problem with taking on such a role.

it was selfish to have my son, but most people are selfish rather they admit it or not. I would even argue that it's silly not to be selfish since most decisions that are made are made at the root of oneself. You make decisions and choices on the daily basis with full consideration of how it will effect you and if its what you want. It's natural to. It's unnatural to not make decisions without considering YOU. When you have a child decisions are still made about you but also with the child at the heart of it(in other words you consider how that decision will make you feel and if it will benefit your child or be in your child's best interest). We all are selfish. Some more than others of course but undoubtedly people are naturally selfish. Remember that your life is about you since you are living it and your happiness your success and your outcome is based on you--you better be selfish because if your not then who's life are you living??

I personally don't care if there are men that don't want me. That is fine. The op, on the other hand, isn't there yet... I feel for her.
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Old 03-31-2014, 10:46 AM
 
552 posts, read 833,219 times
Reputation: 1066
if the relationship advances, the kids part does get int he way. If you say a guy would never have to be responsible for the kids, that's wrong. What if you end up getting married, could the guy really just ignore the kids? Never take care of them? If they see them in danger, expect them to turn away?

Why take care of some other dude's kids when they had all the fun and you're stuck with the responsibility?
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Old 03-31-2014, 10:54 AM
 
6,732 posts, read 9,976,371 times
Reputation: 6848
Wow, another amazing post by Faith! You are really on a roll today .

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tcoma11 View Post
Why take care of some other dude's kids when they had all the fun and you're stuck with the responsibility?
Your view is a child's-eye view. Adult men fall in love with children that they spend a lot of time with. This has nothing to do with whether the children are related to them biologically. It's just nature. And if a man is in a relationship with a woman, you can bet he is having all the fun .
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Old 03-31-2014, 11:42 AM
 
Location: somewhere in the Midwest
625 posts, read 950,329 times
Reputation: 331
Quote:
Originally Posted by mysticaltyger View Post
Being "in love" is not enough. Those "in-love" feelings are just hormones and brain chemicals. They fade for everyone. End it now or fully commit. Don't waste your time and hers being in limbo.

I was always honest with her on how I felt about the marriage issue. I would not have married someone who has 4 kids from someone else. I like kids and I enjoy spending time with them, but I wouldn't have taken on the responsibility of 4 kids, especially if they are not mine. I broke up with my girlfriend awhile back over this, but she took me back. Believe it or not, she wanted me to come back more than I did.
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Old 03-31-2014, 11:44 AM
 
Location: NY
9,131 posts, read 19,944,891 times
Reputation: 11706
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43 View Post
There's is an odd anger, and definite cruelty you see from some of these people. Just don't date them and move on.
Likewise, it is odd how they shame other men who are open to dating single mothers.
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Old 03-31-2014, 11:46 AM
 
8,781 posts, read 9,427,520 times
Reputation: 9548
Do people really have a hard time understanding why dating someone with a child is fundamentally different and may or may not be frowned on?

I can see why it is frustrating from the single parents of the world, but is it REALLY that hard to examine the situation and understand?

It's the same reason having a child In the first place isn't (or at least shouldn't) a knee jerk reaction.

"Responsibility"
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Old 03-31-2014, 11:56 AM
 
Location: somewhere in the Midwest
625 posts, read 950,329 times
Reputation: 331
Quote:
Originally Posted by back2MD View Post
Single Moms need love too and don't expect for you to pay our way, we're strong and independent because we have to be. I just don't understand why some or most men hate dating a single mom especially if she is attractive. I don't get it.


I don't see anything wrong with dating a single mom. I am currently dating a single mom of 4 kids, and I enjoy our dates. But dating a single mom of 4 kids is completely different than marrying a single mom of 4 kids.
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