So why do so many men make a issue about dating single moms online? (advice, personality)
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Ok,, so why does a presence of a kid puts you off?
'Other peoples kids' are often needy and/or poorly behaved. My current bf has an ex whose kids were bratty and rude. So there he was, in a relationship with someone he liked, but stuck with her kids.
He likes my kids. They are older and occasionally bratty but generally treat him with respect. Just last week we went out to dinner with my youngest...she was cranky as we started out and when we got to the restaurant he pulled me aside and said "If she's going to be like this why don't we just go home?" She was fine in 5 minutes, as I knew she would be.
I have also met guys who were afraid of the power that kids wield. For example if a kid decides that the potential step dad is not right for mom, they can make life a living hell for both and destroy a relationship.
CHildren of divorce often feel out of control...so they attempt to gain control over what they can. Manipulating the family with negative emotions is an easy way to do that.
Yes, indeed. "Already," my ex and I had been separated for a year and a half, and I had been in relationships before and during that separation. So it's not a rebound or anything.
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742
Yeah, I thought you just met?
We met in Jan. We're one of those crazy couples who get hitched before some specified time frame.
I kinda view young single mom's (16-25) as having made a bad choice/lacking good judgement in partner selection/desperate to find another man to latch onto. Obviously, this is a generalization, but more times than not in my experience, the shoe fits. By the age of 30, it's not nearly as big an issue to me, even if they had a kid young as they have hopefully had the time to develop a life independent of a being with a man.
Last edited by Philosophizer; 04-01-2014 at 08:09 AM..
Single Moms need love too and don't expect for you to pay our way, we're strong and independent because we have to be. I just don't understand why some or most men hate dating a single mom especially if she is attractive. I don't get it.
back2MD--
Because 90% of the time you need a forklift to carry all her baggage, 'cause it weighs a ton.
Ex-husbands, crazies, baby daddy drama, the guy's in and out of jail, makes creepy appearances/won't stay out of her life, etc... That and the kid likely has daddy issues for the same reasons. Those kids are usually excessively needy and/or have completely obnoxious behavior. And if the man's interests ever collide with the child's, the child will win almost every time in the mom's eyes.
Yes, indeed. "Already," my ex and I had been separated for a year and a half, and I had been in relationships before and during that separation. So it's not a rebound or anything.
Oh, I thought you had only been single for a few months.
Quote:
We met in Jan. We're one of those crazy couples who get hitched before some specified time frame.
Thanks for the kind post. I just wanted to address your last question. I did try to talk about myself, but I always felt like I was butting in to the conversation and he seemed to tune out. He really told me some deep, dark secrets about himself and what he went though (not only with his first marriage, but also his experience in Iraq, and his relationships with current friends and business partners). If I were a gossip, he'd be in trouble! But I don't gossip.
Honestly, the man confuses the heck out of me. He's obviously physically and sexually attracted to me, he confides in me, trusts me, and we share a lot in common. He even sends gifts to my daughter (sent her a really nice one for her birthday last year). But on the flip side, for example, this year I got a Valentines text from him. I was kind of hoping for a card (which is what I sent to him).
Sometimes he seems like he still has some kind of attraction to me, other times he seems like he's never been interested in me. It's confusing. And like I said, I almost think he doesn't know it's over (just last week he sent me a text about my naked body). But we discussed a relationship and he's the one who said he's sorry, but he can't offer me one. So I don't know what he's thinking. Maybe it's just lack of chemistry on his part.
I really should just cut off all contact with him--at least for a while. It's hard though because he didn't do anything "wrong" (it's not wrong that he's not interested in me... a person can't help that). And I really do like him and we've been friends for years. But if I don't, I am afraid it's going to take me forever to get over him.
The bold section is what ruins dating for a lot of people. They hang on to a situation that they need to let go of. Why do you want to keep communicating with a guy that puts his needs WAY ahead of yours? It's not going to be 50/50, but the way you describe it it's 98/2, of you over him. I mean the guy sends you a text message to see your naked body, but seems to not be interested in you as a person. When you respond to these situations, it tells a guy like him that you're kosher with his limited contact with you. People in this world aren't as random as people want to believe. I will push the envelope with some people as far as they will allow me, because they are telling me it's ok. When people stand up for themselves they don't get taken advantage of, but they also lose out on available options. That's just how life is for most people.
I'm not trying to be mean here either. So many people talk about wanting to date and meet that special someone, but they are so caught up in someone who doesn't give a rats @ss about them. Currently, it seems you're stuck in the fantasy of him and what he COULD have been. You need to accept the situation as what it is and you can't keep pretending he's going to become the fantasy you want. He's a broken man, and an older broken man at that. This guy is most likely set in his ways till he breaths his dying breath. There's just nothing else you can do with him and it's better for you to start working on accepting that. Get your life right and you'll realize later on that you wasted a lot of time on this guy. That's if you go through the healing process and really start working on how you feel about yourself and your self worth.
Date a single mother even if I find her unattractive, because love is based on the beauty inside not outside. Plus, the child/children needs a father figure in their life/lives.
The bold section is what ruins dating for a lot of people. They hang on to a situation that they need to let go of. Why do you want to keep communicating with a guy that puts his needs WAY ahead of yours? It's not going to be 50/50, but the way you describe it it's 98/2, of you over him. I mean the guy sends you a text message to see your naked body, but seems to not be interested in you as a person. When you respond to these situations, it tells a guy like him that you're kosher with his limited contact with you. People in this world aren't as random as people want to believe. I will push the envelope with some people as far as they will allow me, because they are telling me it's ok. When people stand up for themselves they don't get taken advantage of, but they also lose out on available options. That's just how life is for most people.
I'm not trying to be mean here either. So many people talk about wanting to date and meet that special someone, but they are so caught up in someone who doesn't give a rats @ss about them. Currently, it seems you're stuck in the fantasy of him and what he COULD have been. You need to accept the situation as what it is and you can't keep pretending he's going to become the fantasy you want. He's a broken man, and an older broken man at that. This guy is most likely set in his ways till he breaths his dying breath. There's just nothing else you can do with him and it's better for you to start working on accepting that. Get your life right and you'll realize later on that you wasted a lot of time on this guy. That's if you go through the healing process and really start working on how you feel about yourself and your self worth.
Oh, his text wasn't asking to see me naked... he made a comment about how I, "look good naked." It was in response to me commenting on working out harder because I want to look great by summer. And he does have interest in me as a person... he asks me how my family is doing, my daughter, etc. He just likes to talk about himself a whole lot more. Like I said, I don't think he even knows my middle name or my home state--yet he drove me around town sharing all the places he grew up, reminiscing old times of his childhood with me, etc. It's like he's talking to himself but I am there.
But the short of it all is I was way more into him than him into me. You are right that I am still stuck in a bit of a fantasy about him... I need to snap out of it and I am trying to figure that out. That's why I am considering no contact with him for a while (until the feelings for him fade and we can go back to being friends). I also suspect you are right about him being broken as well (he's very much stuck in the past with his ex-wife having cheated on him and his (later) fiancee leaving him as well). It's a shame because deep down, he is a good man.
The weird thing is, I don't doubt my self worth... except when it comes to men and relationships. I am an awesome mother. My child makes straight As and is in the gifted and talented program at school as well as advanced math and science. She's also considered a "good citizen" at school (well behaved). She's happy. I have a great job (I am just shy of making six figures ... maybe in a few years). I own my home (well, 30% of it according to the bank), am debt free other than the mortgage and I have a lot of fun hobbies like scuba diving, distance swimming, gardening, and RPGs. I volunteer with scouting. I have a large, close family and friends I've had since high school! I am very happy with my life--it couldn't be better. But I do get lonely at times... think I would like a man in my life to share things with. But very few seem interested in me (hence, I feel I have little to offer men).
Part of my problem is I don't fall for men easily. It takes me a long time to like a man in romantic fashion. But when I do fall for him, I fall pretty hard and it's hard for me to shake it and move on later.
Date a single mother even if I find her unattractive, because love is based on the beauty inside not outside. Plus, the child/children needs a father figure in their life/lives.
That is what I fear is what if I like her kid more than her but feel like I want to make the relationship work so I stay longer than I should . I feel it is not fair time or her seeing we both deserve someone that will make us happy.
Oh, his text wasn't asking to see me naked... he made a comment about how I, "look good naked." It was in response to me commenting on working out harder because I want to look great by summer. And he does have interest in me as a person... he asks me how my family is doing, my daughter, etc. He just likes to talk about himself a whole lot more. Like I said, I don't think he even knows my middle name or my home state--yet he drove me around town sharing all the places he grew up, reminiscing old times of his childhood with me, etc. It's like he's talking to himself but I am there.
But the short of it all is I was way more into him than him into me. You are right that I am still stuck in a bit of a fantasy about him... I need to snap out of it and I am trying to figure that out. That's why I am considering no contact with him for a while (until the feelings for him fade and we can go back to being friends). I also suspect you are right about him being broken as well (he's very much stuck in the past with his ex-wife having cheated on him and his (later) fiancee leaving him as well). It's a shame because deep down, he is a good man.
The weird thing is, I don't doubt my self worth... except when it comes to men and relationships. I am an awesome mother. My child makes straight As and is in the gifted and talented program at school as well as advanced math and science. She's also considered a "good citizen" at school (well behaved). I have a great job (I am just shy of making six figures ... maybe in a few years). I own my home (well, 30% of it according to the bank), am debt free other than the mortgage and I have a lot of fun hobbies like scuba diving, distance swimming, gardening, and RPGs. I volunteer with scouting. I have a large, close family and friends I've had since high school! I am very happy with my life--it couldn't be better. But I do get lonely at times... think I would like a man in my life to share things with. But very few seem interested in me (hence, I feel I have little to offer men).
Re: the bolded, above, one thing I will caution is that even if you keep your distance, do the work to get over him and return to being friends, you can't assume he's done the same on his end. When you get to a mentally healthier place, he could very well still be stuck, and you may find the imbalance not worth the effort. Just a thought.
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I would
