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It all depends on how a single mother became a single mother in the first place. When there are kids involved, things get a lot more complicated. Any guy with half a brain isn't gonna stick his neck out by dating a woman with children if that woman became a single mother due to some indiscretion on her part. People usually stick to their own patters of behavior when they become adults. This is especially true with how they treat the opposite sex. I mean, why would a guy want to get involved with a single mother and form a bond with her children, only to have the woman pull a variation of the same crap on him that she pulled on the children's father? For most guys, the emotional and financial risks of getting involved with a single mother are simply too high.
A case in point would be a very close friend of mine who's going through a divorce. His wife is a single mother of three children, and they've been married a little over a year. Two of the children were a product of this woman's first marriage, the youngest is a product of her second. My friend was he third husband. She is 35 years old. The children are all but alienated from both fathers, as this woman has not only been the self-professed victim of one abusive husband, but of two! Of course there are no police records, domestic violence or assault charges, or signs of past physical damage to her 110 lb body.....No, no. Just a long and lengthy record of protection from abuse orders that she's filed over the years against both of these men. The reality of the situation is that she becomes bored with men within a couple of years, is a selfish, self-serving creature with no moral compass whatsoever, and is an expert at using the court system to get what she wants in life from the men who are unlucky and stupid enough to consort with her.
My friend was one of those idiots, and now he's paying the piper after barely a year of marriage to this woman. Luckily for him, he didn't adopt the kids (she tried to get him to, but couldn't resist the club scene long enough for the process to be finalized) and doesn't have much for her to take. Nevertheless, he's still losing a lot in the end, including his ego as well as the relationship he had forged with her children who prior to him were devoid of a father figure thanks to their mother.
Most guys don't wanna wind up in that type of a situation or worse, so there's your answer.
Very true. You have to vet out your situations and decide what you can handle and can you handle the situation if things were to get progressively worse. Not so much with fate like cancer or an unlucky car accident, but what if he/she wanted to change career paths or starts excessively drinking. You clearly can't plan for every incident that can happen in the future; however, you can put yourself in a situation to be better prepared for them.
It all depends on how a single mother became a single mother in the first place. When there are kids involved, things get a lot more complicated. Any guy with half a brain isn't gonna stick his neck out by dating a woman with children if that woman became a single mother due to some indiscretion on her part. People usually stick to their own patters of behavior when they become adults. This is especially true with how they treat the opposite sex. I mean, why would a guy want to get involved with a single mother and form a bond with her children, only to have the woman pull a variation of the same crap on him that she pulled on the children's father? For most guys, the emotional and financial risks of getting involved with a single mother are simply too high.
A case in point would be a very close friend of mine who's going through a divorce. His wife is a single mother of three children, and they've been married a little over a year. Two of the children were a product of this woman's first marriage, the youngest is a product of her second. My friend was he third husband. She is 35 years old. The children are all but alienated from both fathers, as this woman has not only been the self-professed victim of one abusive husband, but of two! Of course there are no police records, domestic violence or assault charges, or signs of past physical damage to her 110 lb body.....No, no. Just a long and lengthy record of protection from abuse orders that she's filed over the years against both of these men. The reality of the situation is that she becomes bored with men within a couple of years, is a selfish, self-serving creature with no moral compass whatsoever, and is an expert at using the court system to get what she wants in life from the men who are unlucky and stupid enough to consort with her.
My friend was one of those idiots, and now he's paying the piper after barely a year of marriage to this woman. Luckily for him, he didn't adopt the kids (she tried to get him to, but couldn't resist the club scene long enough for the process to be finalized) and doesn't have much for her to take. Nevertheless, he's still losing a lot in the end, including his ego as well as the relationship he had forged with her children who prior to him were devoid of a father figure thanks to their mother.
Most guys don't wanna wind up in that type of a situation or worse, so there's your answer.
I'm sorry for your friend it is messed up.But you can't put all single moms in that category.
I think it's just something that people who believe they are "alphas" tell themselves to justify being less than gentlemanly and something that they like to call guys they see as "betas" to try to make them feel emasculated.
In any event, men who don't want to help a woman raise her kids if things get serious should surely not be dating single mothers.
It has nothing to do with how gentlemanly someone is. It has everything to do with standing your ground and not being a pushover.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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As a guy I'd be damned if I'm going to let any other guy, or girl for that matter, tell me what my ground is and whether I should stand in it and defend it, or not.
I don't see anything wrong with dating a single mom. I am currently dating a single mom of 4 kids, and I enjoy our dates. But dating a single mom of 4 kids is completely different than marrying a single mom of 4 kids.
Yeah, very true, dating as in going out to dinner, a concert or the.movies with her without the kids and maybe even to a park with the kids for a little while is cool but tying the knot and become a stepfather, now that is a different ballgame, and a ballgame I.couldn't play.
I think age is an age disconnected in this thread too... you are what, in your early 20s? I'd say if you are dating for your age and, if at that age, a woman already has a child, yeah... it's unusual and most men would be like you and not date her. Most women in their early 20s don't have kids and I would think it would be a red flag for a lot of men (and I can see why).
But when you start getting into the territory of people in their 30s and 40s who have kids, most times it's because a marriage failed... then I don't feel that it's so much of a red flag (although you should find out why the marriage ended). Especially considering a lot of the men in that group are, they themselves divorced and with kids. Now, men in these age groups can find women without kids (some women don't want kids or were never married). But I think it's a lot harder to find people (men or women) that aren't parents at this point--much harder than in the early 20s.
When I hit my 30's I still won't date a single mom. I don't like children and I don't want to deal with them. Sounds harsh but that's how I feel.
When I hit my 30's I still won't date a single mom. I don't like children and I don't want to deal with them. Sounds harsh but that's how I feel.
Hey don't feel bad, my parents had 4 kids including me and they don't like kids much less want to.deal with them. They raised us but that is where it ended.
Hey don't feel bad, my parents had 4 kids including me and they don't like kids much less want to.deal with them. They raised us but that is where it ended.
And that's what you hear from most parents once the whole litter hits grade school age. Most have clearly forgotten what it was like to be pregnant if their kids range from say age 5-13. You also have to remember that if you started having children at 21, you had your last at 29. At 34, do you really want to start having children again and having to focus on an infant? Most want to focus on their children's activities and their career. It's just maintaining a comfortable living at that point. The fun of being pregnant has not only left the wife's mind, but it's also left the minds of her female friends as well.
And that's what you hear from most parents once the whole litter hits grade school age. Most have clearly forgotten what it was like to be pregnant if their kids range from say age 5-13. You also have to remember that if you started having children at 21, you had your last at 29. At 34, do you really want to start having children again and having to focus on an infant? Most want to focus on their children's activities and their career. It's just maintaining a comfortable living at that point. The fun of being pregnant has not only left the wife's mind, but it's also left the minds of her female friends as well.
The older the kids get and the more experiences a person goes through with their kids the more a person gets to know what dealing with kids really is about. That can easily be a deterrent for a lot of men. Some of them have been there and done that and now want no part of it. I know I wouldn't.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by weezerfan84
The fun of being pregnant has not only left the wife's mind, but it's also left the minds of her female friends as well.
Huh, I can't say I knew many women that found being pregnant fun. They couldn't wait for it to be over.
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