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Location: IN>Germany>ND>OH>TX>CA>Currently NoVa and a Vacation Lake House in PA
3,259 posts, read 4,329,532 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Metaphysique
When you're relying on anecdotal experiences to make claims or generalizations about a group of people, it's asinine.
I'm seeing this trend on City Data, and it's ridiculous. Dare I even say asinine. To ridicule people for putting their "anecdotal experiences" to light in a thread where the OP is asking for opinions is mind numbing to me. Get this, smart guy, damn few of us are qualified to give a non-anecdotal opinion on anything, let alone everything. You included. Get off your high horse and realize that this forum is a collection of opinions and anecdotal experiences and nine times out of ten that's what the OP is asking for.
Location: "Silicon Valley" (part of San Francisco Bay Area, California, USA)
4,375 posts, read 4,068,566 times
Reputation: 2158
Hmm.
I suspect the presence of supporters of the evil "childfree philosophy" are posting on this thread. It is the idea that the human race should end itself by choosing to end all human reproduction. It disgusts me.
Therefore I feel it is important for someone to affirm life and humanity here.
Life is rare and beautiful and precious. Intelligent life even more so. We, as the most intelligent species on this planet, are morally obligated to continue to reproduce, so a human presence remains here to protect life on earth and provide for the stewardship of it.
Therefore we want children to be born. Becoming a parent is a sacred act. Everyone who can have children,is in a good financial and logistical position to do so, and feels that they would be a good parent, should do so. The rest of us are obligated to support them.
Your bias and bigotry are showing. You claim one thing "I don't care what other childless people do" in one sentence, and then go on to spout nonsense in the next. Which, again, may point to you having deep seated biases and prejudices.
The "reality" is, you don't know sh*t about why other people's marriages dissolved, and you should stop fooling yourself into thinking you do know.
Likewise you know nothing about them either. I do know about dating dads because I dated a few and every single one had issues relating to his ex and his kid. Every person I know who dated parents regrets it, yes every single one. You can pretend parents don't bring baggage but they definitely do. I do know what people tell me and yes one guy admitted he divorced his wife because she got fat. I wouldn't date a man like that because he doesn't value marriage.
You constant description of your disdain for dating parents makes it seem like you think these parents are like rabid bats circling you and always threatening to bite you. Don't you have an ignore button in your head? Nobody's actively out to get you. Dating isn't mandatory.
Reminds me of a former, semi-racist acquaintance of mine who moved into a neighborhood that's known for an ethnicity he particularly disliked. I think he just liked to have a reason to puff himself up.
If parents left people like me alone in dating I wouldn't give them thought. However when I did online they wouldn't leave me alone and harassed me. I was polite, they weren't.
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742
Wow, ok, I guess you have a lot more chemistry and connecting with people than I do. I can count on one hand the number of people I've met that I'd consider marrying and it hasn't worked out with any of them in 25 years of dating. It isn't that easy. Finding dates is easy. Have a relationship with a nice person is pretty easy. Finding someone and falling madly in love? Nope.
I don't know anyone that divorced due to someone getting fat. Or because they were bored. I know few divorced people at all actually, and the ones that did have quite legitimate reasons, and the single parents I know that chose to have a child did so proudly and are great parents. They could have married and had a kid, but just didnt meet the right person. One of those I dated and she is now engaged to the person she dated after me. Great woman, smart, accomplished, a tenured professor at a fine school, she just didn't meet someone and she knew she wanted a child so she had one.
But you're a very judgmental and critical person. Glad dating is easy for you as is falling in love and finding someone to marry and have a family with. I'm pretty surprised at that, honestly. I don't know many people that would deal with your judgmental-ism in a relationship.
I'm critical because I believe in most cases the parents should stay marry? no, it's called morals. I don't consider marriage disposable like many do. Many divorced people have valid reasons but others don't. Don't expect childless to support your kids or put up with your drama as many parents do.
I'm seeing this trend on City Data, and it's ridiculous. Dare I even say asinine. To ridicule people for putting their "anecdotal experiences" to light in a thread where the OP is asking for opinions is mind numbing to me.
Reading comprehension is key. If an opinion is not supported or backed with data, it's anecdotal. There's nothing inherently wrong with sharing anecdotal experiences. The problem arises when one uses their anecdotal experiences as evidence for X, Y Z. If I say, "Christians are X because that has been my experience, and the experiences of *many* others" then it should be critically challenged because it's a baseless generalization. If I say "Men aren't really great communicators, and they have issues with sharing and expressing their feelings" I would expect opposition because it is, once again, a sweeping generalization. Now, if I were to qualify my statement by saying "some" men, then there's no issue. But claiming my experiences are somehow reflective of the norm or whole is wholly fallacious and erroneous.
Quote:
Get this, smart guy, damn few of us are qualified to give a non-anecdotal opinion on anything, let alone everything. You included. Get off your high horse and realize that this forum is a collection of opinions and anecdotal experiences and nine times out of ten that's what the OP is asking for.
Context is key. Apparently you struggle with knowing the difference between sharing an experience and making sweeping generalizations based on that experience. Should I assume all men are deficient in critical examination and logic simply because you appear to not know the difference between someone challenging sweeping generalizations and sharing an opinion? I shouldn't, because I know there are men who can decipher between the mere sharing of experiences and personal preferences and biases a la baseless assumptions and generalizations.
If parents left people like me alone in dating I wouldn't give them thought. However when I did online they wouldn't leave me alone and harassed me. I was polite, they weren't.
Um, you posted about several instances where you were far less than polite to online suitors.
Other than online (IMHO where all expectations of civility should be checked at the door), how else can parents not leave you alone? I mean having a kid isn't easy to hide...you can't just avoid them? It's not like an alcoholic where it might take a while before you discover the sin.
Um, you posted about several instances where you were far less than polite to online suitors.
Other than online (IMHO where all expectations of civility should be checked at the door), how else can parents not leave you alone?
I think you get off on being agitated.
Originally I was polite but when they persisted I was rude because they didn't get the hint. My profile stated no dads so them contacting me was their fault, not mine.
Which is why I don't make any sort of claim. If I don't know the individual, truly know them and their situation, I am not qualified to make assumptions and critically judge said situation.
I err on the side of, I don't know, therefore I don't make baseless claims.
Quote:
I do know about dating dads because I dated a few and every single one had issues relating to his ex and his kid. Every person I know who dated parents regrets it, yes every single one. You can pretend parents don't bring baggage but they definitely do. I do know what people tell me and yes one guy admitted he divorced his wife because she got fat. I wouldn't date a man like that because he doesn't value marriage.
A "few" does not translate to "all," nor does your small sample of people you know.
Um, you posted about several instances where you were far less than polite to online suitors.
Other than online (IMHO where all expectations of civility should be checked at the door), how else can parents not leave you alone? I mean having a kid isn't easy to hide...you can't just avoid them? It's not like an alcoholic where it might take a while before you discover the sin.
I think you get off on being agitated.
I agree. I was contacted by many men that weren't my type. Big f*cking deal. I didn't sit there and whine "would these Republican and religious men, etc., stop contacting me!" I had absolutely zero interest in dating a religious or conservative man, but I didn't throw a conniption because of it. And there were a lot of said men who contacted me when I lived in GA.
One of the realities of online dating, there will always be people who will contact you even when there are clear deal-breakers. Simple solution is just to ignore or kindly decline the invitation. I saw no need to harangue a particular demographic of men due to my own frustration or whatever.
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