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Secondly it's a basic supply and demand equation of an oversupply of single mothers looking to date and they are all fighting for a small pool of men that choose to date single mothers. Some lovely guys and some player losers. The single mother can't pick out who is who either usually so bleh on the whole lot of them.
Now like the OP has discovered it's not fair to her. Well sadly that's life in the modern world. Its not fair and probably every generation has said that about something. Looking at the rate of single mothers in the African American community at the moment and the breakdown of their family structures I think its really destroying their community. I also think the White community is headed down the same road. Not good at all the very frightening for the west as a whole IMHO.
Lastly this should be a win for the single women with no kids as they are in comparatively low supply with a lot of men wanting to date or marry them so these girls are the big winners in the relationship game IMHO. So honestly younger girls if you want to marry its easier to do it without kids. Dating economics 101.
What!? Oversupply?
My math's a bit rusty, but if I remember right, it takes a peen and a vag to make a kid... every time. So, for every kid, there's both. Single moms have single dads (whether the dads want to take care of them or not, or occasionally, the converse) to chose from to lie in the proverbial beds they both made for themselves, respectively. If neither side can accept this compromise and the difficult lifestyle they put together by not understanding the simple mechanisms of modern birth control, then be lonely (men and women), I say. I just can't feel sorry for any of you... and don't you single parents get mad at me for wanting a childfree woman when I've had plenty of sex responsibly and not had a child before I wanted one. I'm tired of that rant. I'm not one of you.
My friend gets it. He's a single dad (who had a kid with a now deadbeat mom) and expects nothing less than single moms to accept him... even welcomes the empathetic nature of that situation. Perspective, people. You could'a aborted or adopted out when you had the chance.
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Originally Posted by Ryborg
What!? Oversupply?
My math's a bit rusty, but if I remember right, it takes a peen and a vag to make a kid... every time. So, for every kid, there's both. Single moms have single dads (whether the dads want to take care of them or not, or occasionally, the converse) to chose from to lie in the proverbial beds they both made for themselves, respectively. If neither side can accept this compromise and the difficult lifestyle they put together by not understanding the simple mechanisms of modern birth control, then be lonely (men and women), I say. I just can't feel sorry for any of you... and don't you single parents get mad at me for wanting a childfree woman when I've had plenty of sex responsibly and not had a child before I wanted one. I'm tired of that rant. I'm not one of you.
My friend gets it. He's a single dad (who had a kid with a now deadbeat mom) and expects nothing less than single moms to accept him... even welcomes the empathetic nature of that situation. Perspective, people. You could'a aborted or adopted out when you had the chance.
I know a few kids, healthy and happy, without dads. They have donors. There is a very strictly observed rule to recognize there is no dad or father, but a donor. I dated one for about 4 years (now she's getting married this spring).
My math's a bit rusty, but if I remember right, it takes a peen and a vag to make a kid... every time. So, for every kid, there's both. Single moms have single dads (whether the dads want to take care of them or not, or occasionally, the converse) to chose from to lie in the proverbial beds they both made for themselves, respectively. If neither side can accept this compromise and the difficult lifestyle they put together by not understanding the simple mechanisms of modern birth control, then be lonely (men and women), I say. I just can't feel sorry for any of you... and don't you single parents get mad at me for wanting a childfree woman when I've had plenty of sex responsibly and not had a child before I wanted one. I'm tired of that rant. I'm not one of you.
My friend gets it. He's a single dad (who had a kid with a now deadbeat mom) and expects nothing less than single moms to accept him... even welcomes the empathetic nature of that situation. Perspective, people. You could'a aborted or adopted out when you had the chance.
When I do online dating, I tended to focus on single dads. I am a single mom (divorced) and I always figured that they are in the same situation as me so they can empathize how having kids can effect dating. But the big problem I ran into with dating single dads is it would seem a lot of these guys who are about my age had their kids in their early 20s or something and their kids are old enough to take care of themselves (so these men don't face the same child-care issues when dating). And when I date men who are older than me, the difference is even more pronounced--they often have high school or college-aged kids. So there was still a disconnect where they couldn't quite relate to me not being able to be "spontaneous" since I have a school-aged child (it's hard to get a sitter spontaneously).
If I want to find a man with a child (or children) about my child's age, I have to date younger. And for the most part, men don't like to date older women (I know there are exceptions, I am speaking in general... most times you see in a profile that a man is looking for his age to younger).
I don't rule out men with no kids just based on that. I've dated men with no kids and the longest post-divorce relationship I had was with a man with no kids. But in general, I just figure like your friend I guess.
As for child free men not wanting to date single moms. I think I've said this before, but to each their own. If they don't want to date single moms, they have every right to avoid them (and it doesn't make them horrible people). I just draw the line at the name calling and looking down at single parents. A lot of us aren't single with children by choice. I had my child in the context of a marriage... a marriage my ex ended. Some people are widowed or widowers. There are all kinds of situations where one can end up a single parent and a lot of those reasons have nothing to do with the character or integrity of the person.
When I do online dating, I tended to focus on single dads. I am a single mom (divorced) and I always figured that they are in the same situation as me so they can empathize how having kids can effect dating. But the big problem I ran into with dating single dads is it would seem a lot of these guys who are about my age had their kids in their early 20s or something and their kids are old enough to take care of themselves (so these men don't face the same child-care issues when dating). And when I date men who are older than me, the difference is even more pronounced--they often have high school or college-aged kids. So there was still a disconnect where they couldn't quite relate to me not being able to be "spontaneous" since I have a school-aged child (it's hard to get a sitter spontaneously).
If I want to find a man with a child (or children) about my child's age, I have to date younger. And for the most part, men don't like to date older women (I know there are exceptions, I am speaking in general... most times you see in a profile that a man is looking for his age to younger).
I don't rule out men with no kids just based on that. I've dated men with no kids and the longest post-divorce relationship I had was with a man with no kids. But in general, I just figure like your friend I guess.
As for child free men not wanting to date single moms. I think I've said this before, but to each their own. If they don't want to date single moms, they have every right to avoid them (and it doesn't make them horrible people). I just draw the line at the name calling and looking down at single parents. A lot of us aren't single with children by choice. I had my child in the context of a marriage... a marriage my ex ended. Some people are widowed or widowers. There are all kinds of situations where one can end up a single parent and a lot of those reasons have nothing to do with the character or integrity of the person.
Think about it Jillabean. Go back and think about all the times you heard your parents or other parents talking about not being able to wait till they get the kids out of the house, so they can have some free time. Kids take up a lot of our time and our lives if we want to raise them right. When kids grow up and leave the nest, most parents are looking back to all the free time they had before kids. They could take trips when they wanted, they could have a day where they have nothing planned, they could go and come when they please.
That's what a lot of single parents look forward to in a sense. I've been grinding out raising these kids by myself, and now that they are raised, I can focus on me for a little bit. Also, think about this. How many 18 year old kids want to spend time with their 40-50 year old parents on a Saturday night? The parent is all of a sudden alone with nothing to do.
I'm not saying it's right for these men to want to push a relationship hard, but if you look at what's going on around them, it makes some sense. There's two types of daters. People who date to be in a relationship and people who date to remain single. I think you and the guys you have met are extremes of both. Guys take it to the extreme to be in a relationship and you take it to the extreme to remain single.
Think about it Jillabean. Go back and think about all the times you heard your parents or other parents talking about not being able to wait till they get the kids out of the house, so they can have some free time. Kids take up a lot of our time and our lives if we want to raise them right. When kids grow up and leave the nest, most parents are looking back to all the free time they had before kids. They could take trips when they wanted, they could have a day where they have nothing planned, they could go and come when they please.
That's what a lot of single parents look forward to in a sense. I've been grinding out raising these kids by myself, and now that they are raised, I can focus on me for a little bit. Also, think about this. How many 18 year old kids want to spend time with their 40-50 year old parents on a Saturday night? The parent is all of a sudden alone with nothing to do.
I'm not saying it's right for these men to want to push a relationship hard, but if you look at what's going on around them, it makes some sense. There's two types of daters. People who date to be in a relationship and people who date to remain single. I think you and the guys you have met are extremes of both. Guys take it to the extreme to be in a relationship and you take it to the extreme to remain single.
I am just saying that I date other single parents (single dads) because I *think* they will be on the same page as me, but my assumptions are wrong (especially when they have older kids). I am not faulting them for it or anything, I am just saying there is a disconnect where sometimes a lot of them can't see (or can't remember) what it was like to have a younger child and not be able to drop everything. I don't fault them for having more time, I wonder why they can't remember what it was like with a younger child. Who knows, maybe when my daughter is a teen, I will forget too. Maybe there is a parent amnesia. Or maybe when their kids were younger, the mom took care of the kids more so they really never could relate.
Just a disconnect I noticed, no blame.
And yes, I sometimes wonder what I did with all my time before my daughter, lol.
I am just saying that I date other single parents (single dads) because I *think* they will be on the same page as me, but my assumptions are wrong (especially when they have older kids). I am not faulting them for it or anything, I am just saying there is a disconnect where sometimes a lot of them can't see (or can't remember) what it was like to have a younger child and not be able to drop everything. I don't fault them for having more time, I wonder why they can't remember what it was like with a younger child. Who knows, maybe when my daughter is a teen, I will forget too. Maybe there is a parent amnesia. Or maybe when their kids were younger, the mom took care of the kids more so they really never could relate.
Just a disconnect I noticed, no blame.
And yes, I sometimes wonder what I did with all my time before my daughter, lol.
I'm not faulting you either. I have a friend who's a single parent and she has a 9 year old daughter. Her daughter goes with her dad every weekend like clockwork. Friday evening through Monday morning. A lot of single parents don't have that luxury. They're usually 24/7 parents, but they still have the desire to date. I think you are looking at dating a little rigid, because I do the same thing as well. It's not about being able to drop everything for a spontaneous date, but setting up a routine to date. I know you have some time set aside for your book club and to swim laps.
Do you have a day set aside to do nothing, whether a date does or does not occur? That's what I've looked for when dating single parents. What's their routine look like?
For me, it's not so much the kids that would be the problem, but the "baby mama/daddy drama" that often comes along with dating someone with kids. With casual dating it might not be as big of an issue, but there is no way I'd get seriously involved with a single dad unless his kids and my kids were pretty much grown.
One of the last things I want is to look at some kid all the time and be reminded that some other guy was all up in her guts and is laughing while I take care of his offspring.
For me, it's not so much the kids that would be the problem, but the "baby mama/daddy drama" that often comes along with dating someone with kids. With casual dating it might not be as big of an issue, but there is no way I'd get seriously involved with a single dad unless his kids and my kids were pretty much grown.
The drama can be bad. I dated a guy with very bad drama and financial issues due to the ex. That's why even now I will never put myself in that situation. Many people think the drama stops when the kids grow up, but not always true either. Not to mention the spouse might still be supporting the ex long after the kids are grown.
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I'm tired of that rant. I'm not one of you. 
