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Well I can't believe I'm doing this, but here it goes and I hope I can get some insight.
I started dating a girl about a month ago, 11 dates so far. She has asked me on about half of these dates to attend functions with her where we were with her friends and some of mine. We know many people in common, but really only just met before I asked her on our first date. Her response was an enthusiastic yes. She prefers texting to talking on the phone, but will call when the situation calls for it. She will text me after work at times to see if I had a good day and vice versa. I am divorced 45 no kids and she is about 10 years younger no kids never married. She's very cute and loves the outdoors like me. If this develops into a relationship I think we could have a really good time together and see where it goes. Here's my dilemma... Every time I drop her off it's a hug and a little peck on the lips goodnight. I'm not trying to rush sex, but I have never dated a girl that didn't show some interest in being physical for this long. She apparently is not a fan of PDA. I know she had a prior relationship about three years ago that ended badly for her. I also know that she was indeed looking for a boyfriend before we started dating. Our mutual friends that know both of us have told me how glad they are that we are dating. I'm treading a fine line to let her know I'm interested without pushing her, and I really like her.
On a few occasions she has expressed a few feelings in text messaging and opened up a little bit, but never face to face. She did let me know that she is a bit slow on these things (no question it was on the subject of intimacy) and then implied that she is interested in sex. Am I dating a really good girl or someone who is so damaged by a prior relationship she may not have recovered yet?
Sounds like me.. It could be a mix of good girl who's been damaged by the men previous to you. After you've been hurt for so long it's hard to show emotion because you always have that fear of rejection/betrayal/hurt in the back of your mind.
Well I can't believe I'm doing this, but here it goes and I hope I can get some insight.
I started dating a girl about a month ago, 11 dates so far. She has asked me on about half of these dates to attend functions with her where we were with her friends and some of mine. We know many people in common, but really only just met before I asked her on our first date. Her response was an enthusiastic yes. She prefers texting to talking on the phone, but will call when the situation calls for it. She will text me after work at times to see if I had a good day and vice versa. I am divorced 45 no kids and she is about 10 years younger no kids never married. She's very cute and loves the outdoors like me. If this develops into a relationship I think we could have a really good time together and see where it goes. Here's my dilemma... Every time I drop her off it's a hug and a little peck on the lips goodnight. I'm not trying to rush sex, but I have never dated a girl that didn't show some interest in being physical for this long. She apparently is not a fan of PDA. I know she had a prior relationship about three years ago that ended badly for her. I also know that she was indeed looking for a boyfriend before we started dating. Our mutual friends that know both of us have told me how glad they are that we are dating. I'm treading a fine line to let her know I'm interested without pushing her, and I really like her.
On a few occasions she has expressed a few feelings in text messaging and opened up a little bit, but never face to face. She did let me know that she is a bit slow on these things (no question it was on the subject of intimacy) and then implied that she is interested in sex. Am I dating a really good girl or someone who is so damaged by a prior relationship she may not have recovered yet?
When you both are in a comfortable situation, maybe watching a movie on the couch, do the equivalent of the old stretch-and-put-your-arm-around her trick. If she seems comfortable with that, either that day or the next time you're sitting next to each other, maybe brush her arm. Of course you may already be in physical contact in those situations, but I mean, just take baby steps. Maybe the next time you have a peck goodbye, maybe let it linger for a few more seconds. If she responds positively, then awesome, if not, she may just not be ready to get more physical with someone. Maybe she wants to know that you're okay with taking it slow, that you're someone who genuinely cares about her and respects her, after being with guys who didn't feel that way about her.
Last edited by MyWhatAHappyDay; 03-29-2014 at 06:20 AM..
Reason: spelling
I would say if you really genuinely like her, stick around without sex. Don't push it. Don't ask for it. Don't analyze it. Don't even inquire. Just enjoy her presence.
A month is not that long, but you can try to deepen your romance level. Deepen the kisses and do some old fashioned necking over the next few dates. If that is too much for her, talk with her about it.
11 dates with one person in a month? That's a lot of dates. Or maybe I just don't get out enough!
Agree that a month is not that long. Maybe it's the number of dates that's making it seem like a while. But quality matters, maybe have a dinner date at her or your place. And you can't go from peck and hug to bonking, for me anyway. Also agree with touching more, longer kisses, extended hugs.
The stretching of the arm thing is cheesy but works.
I would go slow and wait for the right signs and time. Why break it when it is going well for a quick fix. Maybe she is making her mind up about you and last thing you want is to push her into something she isn't ready yet. Respect her decision and enjoy her company. Good luck
Ask her directly, don't try indirect or nonverbal ways of finding out. Ask her what sort of timeline she envisions. Ask her what sort of frequency she imagines, once you two start having sex.
Remember that women have the whole range of sex drives that men have -- some want a lot, some not so much. Good girls have the whole range, too. Some good girls are crazy for it, starting on the first date.
Most people think it is pretty important to have a partner whose sex drive and attitude towards sex is similar to their own. This is an important thing to discuss at this stage of the relationship.
A month is not that long, but you can try to deepen your romance level. Deepen the kisses and do some old fashioned necking over the next few dates. If that is too much for her, talk with her about it.
I agree test her a bit. Deeper kisses more touching. See the reaction and if she tells you no she isn't ready yet.
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