No sex until exclusive relationship (girl, love, family, friends)
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31 F, that was my rule. Met my husband at 17, no send till we are exclusive . Even still waited 5 months before I was sure I wanted to. Been together 14 years.
50s. What does exclusive mean, and how long does it take to establish that you are?
To me, it would mean not dating anyone else, while also having an intention to see if the relationship has long term/permanent potential (which of course is not guaranteed). The decision to be exclusive could come as early as a month after meeting, but probably not more than 3 or 4 months (if the decision can't be made by then, it is best to move on).
I'm pretty much like that--I won't have sex until I feel like there is exclusivity. It's not really games, or a 3 month rule, or me trying to rope a man into committing to me. But I take sex, and intimacy with another person, pretty seriously. It's not something I see as just physical, but as an emotional expression between two people as well. Because of that, I'm cautious and careful about who I choose to express that type of intimacy with. If I'm going to do it, I have to be comfortable, I have to feel secure about the status between us, I have to feel like we both can be ourselves with each other, and most importantly I need to know that we are on the same page with basically everything(regarding our relationship status). All of those components typically won't happen overnight or over the series of one or two dates. They might take some time depending on the man. So yes I have been upfront with every guy I have dated and told them that I don't have sex without exclusivity or commitment. Now what that means is going to depend on the guy and what I'm looking for. AS it stands right now I'm not looking for anything super serious. So I wouldn't necessarily need to be in a serious committed relationship before sex. HOWEVER, at the same time, I wouldn't bang a guy I just went on a few dates with, who was also dating other women. I would need to, at the very least, have known him for a good amount of time, and he and I would need to just be dating each other and no one else(not necessarily with the title of boyfriend and girlfriend) before I would even consider having sex with him. The other components I talked about: being comfortable, accepting one another, trust, etc--would be the overall factors into whether or not I would eventually do it with him once it was established that we were exclusive or in relationship, etc.
Maybe that sounds like a bit much, but it works for me. It weeds out a ton of men who didn't really want me , or think I was worth it, etc. A lot of men do tend to pull back once I make it known what my feelings are regarding sex, so unfortunately OP I do think that it isn't as common in 2014 for people to want to be exclusive before sex. But I also don't think it's extremely difficult to find a man that is willing to wait for it, if he thinks your worth it. My ex and I waited before I had sex(gave my virginity to him) and at that time we had known each other quite a while, were in a relationship and had cared about each other. That relationship lasted several years, the first few years were great, the latter not so great but the sex didn't have anything to do with that.
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