is my boyfriend insecure or am I just a bad girlfriend?

[eyewrist]

Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth

This kind of thing could be covered in a few sessions at your campus counseling center, OP. It's a free service, and talking to someone would probably help you process what has happened in this relationship and your emotions relating to it. You could also ask the counselor to discuss the signs of an abuser, so you can be prepared as you go forward in life.

Good advice but for her, she may need to take it for a semester until it get ingrained in her conscious and never forget it... while getting a grade for her electives I might add

[AverageGuy2006]

Originally Posted by angelikah_g

SO I just recently started dating this guy and he's really nice and sweet, but he has some serious insecurities and trust issues. He wants me to tell him every guy I've ever been with including names and what time this took place. Mind you most of the people I've have sexual encounters with are still in close range since We are both in college with them still. I didn't feel comfortable telling him this, but I did anyways and didn't tell him all of the guys. During this time he picks on me about how many guys I've had sex with and would make smart comments about them and always bring their names up which is one of the reasons I didn't want to tell him in the first place and we've gotten into so many arguments about this. I don't know what to do about this. Should I ditch him and move on or should I try to make it work and see if he'll eventually trust me? AM I in the wrong for not wanting to tell him and not telling him all the guys Ive been with. please help.

You and the guy you are dating are on opposite spectrums of comfort zones for sexuality.
The relationship will never work.

Dude needs to date women who have extremely little sexual experience.
You are better off dating guys that aren't concerned about the person he dates and their sexual past.

Guys like the OP is dating may change his view on sexuality, but it will take years, probably at least 10. Some guys have hang ups about sex, especially in the teens and early 20's.

[danielj72]

I have been married over 20 years and obviously I am not a member of the young generation so my views may be dated. I don't see what is wrong with inquiring about the sexual history of a person you are getting serious about. Personally I think it is appropriate to know how many people your future wife or husband has been with. It says something about their character and that is your business if you intend to make the relationship permanent. When I was younger most people I knew had histories of a 1-5 people, and five would be a lot. I understand that has changed, people today have extensive sexual histories that would have been looked down on in the extreme just 25-30 years ago. That being said maybe the rules are different today. Boy am I glad I am not dating in todays world.

[relationshippro]

Honestly just dump him, why he want to know about your past?? He is really obsessive person...

[monumentus]

Originally Posted by angelikah_g

AM I in the wrong for not wanting to tell him and not telling him all the guys Ive been with. please help.

No you are not wrong for not wanting to tell him this information. Nor is he wrong for asking you to.

The fact is that people have different requirements for what they want in a relationship. On many issues. This is just one of them. For him - knowing the sexual history of his partner is a requirement. For you - not revealing such information is. Neither of you are right or wrong here. It is entirely your own preferences.

In relationships you have to compromise on some things to make the relationship work. If you can not compromise on something the question becomes "Can we surive without compromise here of is this issue a deal breaker". You chose to compromise and reveal the information that you otherwise would not have wanted to. Again there is nothing wrong with this. It was your choice.

What IS wrong is how he has treated you since then. He is using this information against you - almost attacking you with it. It is - in essence - a form of emotional abusive behaviour he is engaging in. It is not justified - not healthy - and not mature or polite. It is unhealthy and abusive behaviour and I see no reason to expect you to tolerate it.

[eyewrist]

She JUST started dating him so to go and ask such questions so early in the game was inappropriate. Also these are college students which I doubt they are thinking about marriage any time soon. But folks in the South think you should be married and with two kids by 24 yrs old...I'm not from the South so there.

And IF the number of partners she had was a determinate of his decision to be with her then HE would have left her once she told him how many. What bothered me in this was the need for names; that was totally unimportant...just something to hold over her head and make her feel ashamed. AND he keep demeaning her for her choices and the number of men...he's not looking to screen a potential mate just put someone down which spells abuser in my book.

Let's say having sex with JUST ONE other person could be my standard so does that make YOU or your wife worse of a person and me to judge YOU/HER?. Yes, I do agree having toooooo many sexual partners is NOT a WISE DECISION but who determines the limit??

People... especially women... will lie about the number of partners they have had and will go to their grave never revealing that fact. Men will lie about not having sex with another man or 'underage" female (AKA a child) and will go to his grave never telling anyone oops.

[TJenkins602]

Originally Posted by angelikah_g

SO I just recently started dating this guy and he's really nice and sweet, but he has some serious insecurities and trust issues. He wants me to tell him every guy I've ever been with including names and what time this took place. Mind you most of the people I've have sexual encounters with are still in close range since We are both in college with them still. I didn't feel comfortable telling him this, but I did anyways and didn't tell him all of the guys. During this time he picks on me about how many guys I've had sex with and would make smart comments about them and always bring their names up which is one of the reasons I didn't want to tell him in the first place and we've gotten into so many arguments about this. I don't know what to do about this. Should I ditch him and move on or should I try to make it work and see if he'll eventually trust me? AM I in the wrong for not wanting to tell him and not telling him all the guys Ive been with. please help.

Insecure.

Not a good boyfriend move.

Your past is your business. You can let him know as you see fit. He should be thinking about the woman you are. The fact that he is going to constantly pick on you about who you have been with says more about him than you.

It is probably better to ditch him and move on. People like that tend to get worse.