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I'm one of those typical guys that invests far too much mentally in something once I find someone I really enjoy being with, and, while I can keep it in check for the most part, certain things lead to me into a black hole of despair.
long story (hopefully) short, I met a girl at a concert who was new to town, we went on two dates over a few weeks and hooked up, seemed to really enjoy each other's company on those outings, but there was a sudden shift in energy and a long spat of radio silence. Granted, I may have come on a little strong after the second date. after about 3 months I lobbed a meatball out there, and she responded. a few days later, she asked if I wanted to meet up for a meal, which we did, and it turned into an all day event that ended with us snuggled in my bed before something I had forgotten about came up and brought an abrupt end to the day. we kept conversation going via text for about another 3 weeks, but there was a period of a few more days of radio silence in there where seemingly innocuous conversation was met with no response, so I backed off. We wound up going to dinner and a concert and again had a great time, and I called her over the next weekend to see if she and her friends wanted to come by and hangout. she said they were busy, but the following week we both had separately gotten tickets to another concert, and she expressed her interest in meeting up. she arrived with her with her friends and I with my friend, and we met up at the show and again had a great time, and I hit it off with the friends, showing them more interest than her for the most part. the next day I was met with a message asking if I wanted to grab dinner that weekend. We went out and again, had a blast, made plans for the coming weeks and returned to my house to watch a movie. during the movie my roommates returned home with friends, so we went upstairs and again snuggled in my bed to watch the rest of the movie, but I was now distracted and embarrassed. I know I missed a clear cut opportunity to make a move for a kiss which led to some momentary awkwardness. we chatted for a little bit about life an our separate plans for the future, and I then drove her home. the next day I made a little joke, and she sent me a few messages in a row about the movie, to which I responded and she laughed back, and I then threw out an invitation to do it again but without the rowdy roommates, to which I have yet to receive a response.
we are by no means a thing, but there appeared to be obvious interest given the fact that she asked me out the first and last time, but there is also evidence that she can slip away for stretches of time. now whether this is her avoiding getting attached or me being to involved. I'd say it's an even initiation and conversation ratio, maybe a little bit more for me in initiation and more to her in conversation.
I just need some guidance. I like her a lot, and we've had a good deal of fun for the most part, but these bouts of inactivity annoy the hell out of me.
anyway thanks for reading my drivel and thanks in advance for any responses and advice.
Your best bet is simply to ask her. It's an important relationship skill: How to directly ask for the information you want. If you want to know if she's interested in a bf/gf thing, not just occasional hookups, then ask her that .
It seems these bouts of texting "radio silence" has got you confused. Simply pick up the phone and call her to see if she's available for a date instead of pondering why she hasn't texted back for so long.
I don't understand. You two are sharing a bed but you haven't kissed her? What the heck are you doing instead?
Maybe that's why she seems so confused. She doesn't understand why you keep asking her out when you are not physically attracted to her. I am wondering that myself.
Maybe you're the good time guy. She has other responsibilities that she doesn't want to drag you into, but when she does have free time she hits you up to have fun.
I am attracted to her and the reason for not kissing that occasion was my own embarrassment and frustration with the wrench in the gears my roommates provided. we have hooked up in the past, just not in this current cycle of dating. I made a move to get a little more intimate when we met up the first time, but her body language was a little closed, which I understood since it was the first time we'd seen each other in months. I agree that the crux of the issue may be the lack of physical progress I guess you could call it, and I guess where I'm looking for help is the realm of what next, or just in the confirmation that I am in fact a huge boner haha.
and to zen, we were watching movies and catching up on tv shows while in bed.
She's new to town and still exploring her options, which I totally respect. I enjoy the times we hang out, and I'm happy that she was quick to respond and quick to let me back in the door. I just don't want to completely blow something that seemed so promising a few days ago. I know I need to call and I know that's the only way to know, it's just a matter of getting fresh ears on a situation and getting a perspective from someone other than myself.
Both of you sound young and a little unsure of yourself, what with the whole hanging out in bed and not doing what people normally do in bed. Younger women are especially fickle and hard to figure out sometimes. They can be frustrating just the way it is. If she's young a cute then she probably has lots of other people (and guys) competing for her attention.
Practical advice? Don't pursue her any harder than she does you.
So you had sex with her in the past (hooked up) but now you are too embarrassed to kiss her? What?
The most surprising thing of all is that you are wondering why she is not more interested in you!
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