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I don't know any adult male that has never had a relationship.
I don't think I do either. And I know a lot of men 18-21 through my kids. I would say the percentage is closer to 5% if you look at all adult men between 18 and 100.
I am laughing at the 40% stat. This study says that 13.9 per cent of men and 8.9 per cent of women age 25-45 said they have never had sex. I imagine that very few of those guys end up dead virgins, unless they are priests or monks.
But I can see how your perception would be skewed if you get your demographic info from places like bodybuilding .com, which is full of jerks, losers and girl-o-phobes.
Location: "Silicon Valley" (part of San Francisco Bay Area, California, USA)
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I sense a negative judgement from some, implying that one is not an adult if no one has ever reciprocated their feelings. I don't see the logic in such a judgement. Can someone explain?
I'd have to use a knee-jerk response but we're talking about American view of "never having a girlfriend". Does it mean:
1. never approached any woman in attempt to date her (even if every attempt resulted with rejection or never going out on a desired date)
2. never had a woman whom he courted, a woman who went out on dates with him
3. never kissed any woman romantically, during dating
4. never had any sexual act with a woman (including rubing her genital parts with his hand, oral sex, anal sex, vaginal sex, etc)
5. never had a woman who was in exclusive relationship with him, although he had sex around
6. never had a woman who was not only sexual, but also cohabited with him, while emulating some sort of "household union".
I'd say virtually all native-born Americans will place the bar at least on the #3, vast majority will place it on #4 and onwards, most will generally place it at #5.
Just to elaborate why I mentioned this, you should know that there are plenty of cultural norms where "you may kiss the bride" applies literally, just to be precise.... Americans usually declare it on their weddings while most of the women are either pregnant during their weddings or they have had a child or two already and have cohabited for at least a year or two, "emulating" marital union without marrying.
Author of this topic never made a clear distinction on what does he mean by "girlfriend". Was it a having any love interest whom he courted and went on dates, or is it a girlfriend who was having sex with him on a regular basis and treated each other as de-facto "unofficially married".
Adult men who have never had a girlfriend ever in their entire lives, despite wanting one very much? Sounds like love-shyness...I have posted about this before and I know there are those who are skeptical about it, but as someone who was previously personally there, for people who haven't experienced it themselves, it can be kind of hard to understand in a concrete way.
There used to be an article on wikipedia about it, but I think that someone may have deleted it(?) In any event, in one of my previous posts/threads here. I quoted from the article when it was still viewable in the past, which I have also copied and re-pasted below:
I think this is the salient fact from the article:
Quote:
Most of the love-shy men, but none of the non-shy men, reported never having any friends; not even acquaintances.
The issue is clearly not the inability to connect with women, but the inability to connect with ANYONE. And that is a problem vastly more serious than being a virgin! And it is definitely the sort of thing that other people find strange and disquieting.
I sense a negative judgement from some, implying that one is not an adult if no one has ever reciprocated their feelings. I don't see the logic in such a judgement. Can someone explain?
I don't get that either. There are some people who like being single and value their independence over being with someone.
I think it is a significant minority of men. Most Americans know at least one Heterosexual guy who struggles to attract women. Rather it is a family member, a friend, or a co-worker.
I think it is a small percentage. I'm not the best at attracting women... (even though recently I've been getting better) and even I have a girlfriend (now).
Location: "Silicon Valley" (part of San Francisco Bay Area, California, USA)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nald
I'd have to use a knee-jerk response but we're talking about American view of "never having a girlfriend". Does it mean:
1. never approached any woman in attempt to date her (even if every attempt resulted with rejection or never going out on a desired date)
2. never had a woman whom he courted, a woman who went out on dates with him
3. never kissed any woman romantically, during dating
4. never had any sexual act with a woman (including rubing her genital parts with his hand, oral sex, anal sex, vaginal sex, etc)
5. never had a woman who was in exclusive relationship with him, although he had sex around
6. never had a woman who was not only sexual, but also cohabited with him, while emulating some sort of "household union".
In my case, items 2 through 6 are true about me.
I'm not sure how approaching people and getting rejected means that one has had a girlfriend, though.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by neutrino78x
I sense a negative judgement from some, implying that one is not an adult if no one has ever reciprocated their feelings. I don't see the logic in such a judgement. Can someone explain?
Not in a way you can understand. Certainly not relate to. No.
Location: "Silicon Valley" (part of San Francisco Bay Area, California, USA)
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But I do go out and talk to people.
Most women I encounter are not ones with whom I would want to share a relationship. Among those with whom I would want to do that, two just wanted to be friends, and the others felt uncomfortable learning that I had feelings. All were people I had interacted with on a platonic basis for months or years. The complete absence of reciprocation of love throughout my life is very depressing.
Again, you can't be in a relationship unless the person you want to be in a relationship with wants to be in one with you. If that never happens then you will never be in a relationship.
Location: "Silicon Valley" (part of San Francisco Bay Area, California, USA)
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It's good to have female friends...but sometimes I want more than that. They don't.
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Sounds like love-shyness...I have posted about this before and I know there are those who are skeptical about it, but as someone who was previously personally there, for people who haven't experienced it themselves, it can be kind of hard to understand in a concrete way.
