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Most women I encounter are not ones with whom I would want to share a relationship. Among those with whom I would want to do that, two just wanted to be friends, and the others felt uncomfortable learning that I had feelings. All were people I had interacted with on a platonic basis for months or years. The complete absence of reciprocation of love throughout my life is very depressing.
Again, you can't be in a relationship unless the person you want to be in a relationship with wants to be in one with you. If that never happens then you will never be in a relationship.
What makes you think it will "never" happen? What you describe is what every person experiences every single day all over the world. You meet a new person, you are friendly with them but there is no mutual attraction. Big deal. I meet a dozen new people every month. I don't expect even a tiny percentage of them to be compatible with me.
Most people never dwell on this, as it is perfectly natural. The abnormal thing to do would be to stop socializing completely because you have some sort of "relationship agenda" and get frustrated because you can't seem to check off the box in a timely manner.
Stop fixating on relationships and start enjoying life among people.
What makes you think it will "never" happen? What you describe is what every person experiences every single day all over the world. You meet a new person, you are friendly with them but there is no mutual attraction. Big deal. I meet a dozen new people every month. I don't expect even a tiny percentage of them to be compatible with me.
Most people never dwell on this, as it is perfectly natural. The abnormal thing to do would be to stop socializing completely because you have some sort of "relationship agenda" and get frustrated because you can't seem to check off the box in a timely manner.
Stop fixating on relationships and start enjoying life among people.
No, it's not. I'm quite sure that I'm sexually attracted to a huge number of women, complete strangers, people I communicate from time to time, people I communicate often, etc... and if I wasn't restraining myself I'd be hitting on all of them to have sex with them. You're just extremely picky or an asexual person.
If he's into finding someone to be of romantic interest or to have sex or relationship, I'd also advise him to cut the loss immediately if you weren't his friends long before he showed romantic interest... he wasn't "befriending" a complete stranger to be friends with her in first place and it'll only hinder his efforts to move on in search for someone who's going to fit the role.
Location: "Silicon Valley" (part of San Francisco Bay Area, California, USA)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa
What makes you think it will "never" happen?
Over the past 23 years there is a 100% failure rate. So there's some logic.
Obviously it is emotional reasoning, but it is really hurtful to be told that someone you didn't even intend to pursue feels uncomfortable as a result of you having feelings for them. Especially when it has happened three times in a row now.
Quote:
The abnormal thing to do would be to stop socializing completely because you have some sort of "relationship agenda" and get frustrated because you can't seem to check off the box in a timely manner.
I do socialize. I meet women in the same way I meet men. The vast majority of women I encounter are not people I want a relationship with. I'm talking about the five (or more depending on how you look at it) individuals with whom I have wanted to share a relationship.
Quote:
Stop fixating on relationships and start enjoying life among people.
Well, that's easy to say when you've been in a relationship at some point, and people don't usually feel uncomfortable if they hear you have feelings.
I'm not a virgin but I've never had a girlfriend and I'm 28. It just never happened. Sometimes what seems so easy/natural doesn't come so easily, I mean i could attribute it to many reasons.
I'm 50. I know and have known thousands of people throughout my life. I don't know of one single guy who has not had a girlfriend at some stage of his life. Heck, even my obese, miniature train-loving, socially idiotic second cousin managed to find himself a trailer trash wife.
I know plenty online, and a few in real life. It's partly your social circle/acquaintances.
I'd have to use a knee-jerk response but we're talking about American view of "never having a girlfriend". Does it mean:
1. never approached any woman in attempt to date her (even if every attempt resulted with rejection or never going out on a desired date)
2. never had a woman whom he courted, a woman who went out on dates with him
3. never kissed any woman romantically, during dating
4. never had any sexual act with a woman (including rubing her genital parts with his hand, oral sex, anal sex, vaginal sex, etc)
5. never had a woman who was in exclusive relationship with him, although he had sex around
6. never had a woman who was not only sexual, but also cohabited with him, while emulating some sort of "household union".
I'd say virtually all native-born Americans will place the bar at least on the #3, vast majority will place it on #4 and onwards, most will generally place it at #5.
Just to elaborate why I mentioned this, you should know that there are plenty of cultural norms where "you may kiss the bride" applies literally, just to be precise.... Americans usually declare it on their weddings while most of the women are either pregnant during their weddings or they have had a child or two already and have cohabited for at least a year or two, "emulating" marital union without marrying.
Author of this topic never made a clear distinction on what does he mean by "girlfriend". Was it a having any love interest whom he courted and went on dates, or is it a girlfriend who was having sex with him on a regular basis and treated each other as de-facto "unofficially married".
Well the meaning is pretty clear, being in a relationship with someone.
I sense a negative judgement from some, implying that one is not an adult if no one has ever reciprocated their feelings. I don't see the logic in such a judgement. Can someone explain?
Yeah when you think about it how often does the one we really like reciprocate our feelings? Especially if you don't have avenues to meet a lot of women (forget clubs, bars.etc) you won't come across a likely candidate very often at all.
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