Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 04-03-2014, 07:23 AM
 
12 posts, read 11,252 times
Reputation: 10

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa View Post
THIS. There is so much poorly disguised bitterness in the OP is it hard to accept this story 100%. I too am seeing several gaps, contradictions and likely exaggerations.

You say after you moved out. "I totally forget about her, until this weekend."

They you do a complete 180, saying how much you really loved her and are now obsessively facebook stalking her husband.

This is one of those tales for which hearing the other side of the story would prove very enlightening.
What gaps did you need filled in? What do you need clarified?

She is not married to this guy, this is her new boyfriend.

Here is what I'm saying:

1. Yes, I did love this woman. She was awful to me during our marriage, but I stuck by her until I could no longer mentally do it. I felt being divorced from her would be better than staying with her. She then filed. That does not mean that I did not care about her while we were separated. On the other hand, she was NASTY to me leading up to our divorce day. I'd love to post some of the emails she wrote me.

2. I begin the process of detaching from her AFTER our divorce. She defriended me on Facebook the day of our divorce, I moved across town, and put my energy into other things like reading, joined a new gym, spent more time with my co-workers after work, and threw myself into my job instead of dwelling on what happened. I did not even want to date.

3. My friend unknowingly exposed some sensitive details to me. I don’t think he thought I would care. I was doing well, but this made me back track, and made me want to explore exactly what happened.

I equate it to wanting to know the "cause of death". Since I WAS married to this woman and this is my life, I feel like I have the right to know what really happened here. Then it all made sense as to why she lost all of the weight prior to our divorce.

This guy was on deck doing god knows what while I'm still technically married to her, which explains all of these drastic changes in behavior and appearance. I don’t care what anyone says, being cheated on or replaced that quickly is real sting to the ego, especially if you did actually care about this person - which I obviously did.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 04-03-2014, 07:46 AM
 
83 posts, read 97,471 times
Reputation: 145
Quote:
Originally Posted by Southern Star View Post
Let me understand this - because someone else (your ex) acted in a certain objectionable way (the mess you described) YOU have no self worth? How does that work?
What you described should show you the kind of person she is and the kind of person you are.
What you described should prove to you that you made the right decision.
What you described will provide a future filled with happiness for you and the true love you are about to meet.
Do not become sour over what this ONE person did. Do not do what so many others have done - they allow one bad move to color the rest of their lives.
Learn from it, rejoice in your freedom and MOVE ON!
This fact of the matter is that this guy invested so much of his life into this woman. Trips, a nice home, jewelry, finances, and was really good to her (his words). I'm sure he isn't perfect. But I guarantee this type of effort with little return is completely demoralizing to a person. Especially if she was hateful, which it sounds like she is, but it's only because she's drugged up and emotionally immature.

If you have every been a part of a really LOADED relationship and you're healthy by nature, you just don't move on that quickly. Take inconsideration that he was married to this beast and you've got whole new set of issues.

With Facebook, don't ever visit that guys profile again. It will only hurt you. If you want to know the reason why your ex never had posted a photo of them together, it's probably because she's embarrassed of him and her own life. She showed you off to the world because you are good looking. Egocentric people like your ex-wife like to portray a pristine image to the world and showcase how great there lives are, but the fact is that she's a divorced office wh*re, everyone at the company knows it, and she's afraid to show it.

Based on what you wrote, I don't think she cheated on you with this guy while you were MARRIED.
I think she got with him as soon as you moved out and while you two were SEPARATED. Technically, by law, that is adultery, which is one more reason to never waste a second on your pathetic ex-wife
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-03-2014, 07:54 AM
 
12,535 posts, read 15,173,486 times
Reputation: 29088
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa View Post
THIS. There is so much poorly disguised bitterness in the OP is it hard to accept this story 100%. I too am seeing several gaps, contradictions and likely exaggerations.
Never bought it from the start, myself. It's every bad stereotype of married women that we read on these boards from the bitter boys' club, all rolled into one post. Fat? Check. Sexless? Check. Greedy? Check. Emasculating? Check. Mentally unstable? Check. Quick to move on with a man deemed undesirable but for his money? Check. Only thing he seems to have forgotten to include is the alimony trope.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-03-2014, 08:48 AM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,901 posts, read 42,622,264 times
Reputation: 42767
Quote:
Originally Posted by OrionBrian View Post
What gaps did you need filled in? What do you need clarified?

She is not married to this guy, this is her new boyfriend.

Here is what I'm saying:

1. Yes, I did love this woman. She was awful to me during our marriage, but I stuck by her until I could no longer mentally do it. I felt being divorced from her would be better than staying with her. She then filed. That does not mean that I did not care about her while we were separated. On the other hand, she was NASTY to me leading up to our divorce day. I'd love to post some of the emails she wrote me.

2. I begin the process of detaching from her AFTER our divorce. She defriended me on Facebook the day of our divorce, I moved across town, and put my energy into other things like reading, joined a new gym, spent more time with my co-workers after work, and threw myself into my job instead of dwelling on what happened. I did not even want to date.

3. My friend unknowingly exposed some sensitive details to me. I don’t think he thought I would care. I was doing well, but this made me back track, and made me want to explore exactly what happened.

I equate it to wanting to know the "cause of death". Since I WAS married to this woman and this is my life, I feel like I have the right to know what really happened here. Then it all made sense as to why she lost all of the weight prior to our divorce.

This guy was on deck doing god knows what while I'm still technically married to her, which explains all of these drastic changes in behavior and appearance. I don’t care what anyone says, being cheated on or replaced that quickly is real sting to the ego, especially if you did actually care about this person - which I obviously did.
You loved her but she was a horrible mean person whom you simply couldn't endure anymore. That's not love, that's infatuation and obsession with a fantasy. She grew meaner and more horrible over time, yet you still miss her, want to know how she is doing, and want her to miss you and be sorry she's gone. She wrote you nasty letters, divorced you, and left you feeling used, yet here you are, sad because she's not yours.

Listen to yourself, man!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-03-2014, 09:02 AM
 
9,408 posts, read 11,906,379 times
Reputation: 12439
She's a basket case. She has mental illness, and seems to be chasing some prize she thinks will magically fix her, which she will never find. She'll always be cycling between happy unhappy, and will never find long term satisfaction. Be thankful you split so soon. You dodged a potential lifetime of misery. Move on, always improve upon yourself, and put her out of your mind.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-03-2014, 09:44 AM
 
530 posts, read 665,316 times
Reputation: 516
While I agree that people may not move on that quickly from a situation such as this (and others) I just want to make sure that the situation for this person does not stagnate to the point where inaction takes the place of action. Moving on is painful but necessary in order to stay healthy. Brooding about something for too long a time leads to resentment and could have some really negative outcomes for OP.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-03-2014, 11:48 AM
 
Location: between Mars and Venus
1,748 posts, read 1,291,384 times
Reputation: 2471
Just be grateful the guy helped to reveal her evil twin sooner.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-03-2014, 12:41 PM
 
83 posts, read 97,471 times
Reputation: 145
Quote:
Originally Posted by softcrunch View Post
Just be grateful the guy helped to reveal her evil twin sooner.
No, the evil twin always was there and either the OP ignored it in the honeymoon phase or played an active role and bringing it out by either not living up to her standards - or - by not knocking some sense into her and setting some firm guidelines for how HE wanted to be treated. You dig your own grave in these types of relationships.

It's obvious he was a doormat in the relationship, and once HE decided to stand his ground (he had every right to), SHE probably thought his evil twin was exposed, which made her hate him even more.

If she's really dating some executive (which I find a little bit of a stretch) this guy should be able to see through her pretty easily. I don't know many office top dogs who would lower themselves to be with a divorced, depressed, overweight, pill-popping witch unless he has his own demons, lacks serious confidence, or she's so gorgeous that he just does not care.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-03-2014, 12:52 PM
 
22,284 posts, read 21,659,779 times
Reputation: 54735
Quote:
Originally Posted by OrionBrian View Post
What gaps did you need filled in? What do you need clarified?
The gaps that needs filling in is her side of the story. You have certainly painted yourself as a blameless, angelic, perfectly reasonable party in all this. Meanwhile you gleefully accuse her of a dozen things you are only speculating about and have no proof of. You are so inside her mind, and yet you haven't seen or talked to (or apparently, thought about!) the women in...how long?

If this story is real (and I don't believe it is, based on Lilac's theory) you would have summoned up a tiny measure of introspection to determine what part you played in this tragic tale, instead of concocting this generic "evil dame" scenario to sell to the marriage-haters here.

For future reference, I started to doubt your story from the very first sentence when you began to talk about a woman you were dating, then it turned out to be your wife. The rigidly chronological story telling approach is kind of a giveaway that it may be fiction. Natural storytelling doesn't typically unfold that way.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-07-2014, 06:24 AM
 
83 posts, read 97,471 times
Reputation: 145
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa View Post
If this story is real (and I don't believe it is, based on Lilac's theory) you would have summoned up a tiny measure of introspection to determine what part you played in this tragic tale, instead of concocting this generic "evil dame" scenario to sell to the marriage-haters here.
I disagree. I don't think it's fabricated, because what he describes is the type of woman I've met before. People with BPD follow the same pattern, and BPD victims are just like the OP. The BPD woman will love bomb, shower with attention, and present the very best side of herself to their victims. Then once intimacy is triggered, they begin to withdraw and hate. They are impulsive, and lack self-esteem. They see things in black and white. You were amazing in the beginning, and the devil in the end to her.

All the meds you listed? All used to keep that BPD or Bi-Polar tendencies in check. You were married to a whack job. Even if you still were with her, and she did get pregnant, you would have had the most unbearable pregnancy together as her emotions would have been all over the map because she would have to go off those meds. Then, that baby arrives, and your happiness is maybe the fifth priority in her life. She would #1, the baby would be #2, your money would be #3, her social status would be #4, and then maybe you at #5 (if you are lucky).

I can bet that your ex-wife wouldn't have made the effort to post something like this because I can guarantee that she was not hurt to the level that you were regarding the divorce. She may have hurt for a week, but once she found her new guy, she felt absolutely NOTHING for you.

I know this is harsh to hear, but it's not you, it's her. Stop beating yourself up about this woman. I have feeling that her new guy will suffer a much worse fate than you did - if he's dumb enough to marry and have kids with this witch. In fact, I suspect he already is. She works with this guy and he's trapped. If they break up, he'll have to see her everyday - until one of them quits. If they marry, she will strip him of everything.

Last edited by perfectprisons; 04-07-2014 at 06:42 AM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 04:02 AM.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top