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As much as I hate using the rating system because I find it degrading, what if a "9" started talking and flirting with you - and you wanted to go out with her. Would you ask for her number?
I hear you, I really only used it to make a point.
To answer your question: Depends on how badly I wanted a date (I'm doing pretty well right now, so if it happened today, the answer would probably be no. Ask me 9 months ago? Definitely yes.) BUT, the answer would be the same for the 7....it's not about whether she's a 7 or a 9. More importantly, the comparison is this:
If a 9 (or 7, or whatever) does the song and dance hoping for me to ask, there's like a 50% chance we'll end up on a date. Maybe I'll ask, maybe I won't, depends on my mood.
If a 2 (or whatever) asks me? 99%. I'd say 100%, but I suppose it's possible there's a situation where I'd say no...I just can't think of one. Confident, aggressive women are hot, and that's ALWAYS worth at least one date to see what she's about.
So many men in this forum are always complaining about being dateless, and resent having to approach women. Yet when a woman approaches you, you can't even take it to the next level and ask for her phone number? Unbelievable.
If the woman is attractive to you, and she takes the initiative to talk to you, but you can't take the next step, it seems like you're looking for excuses to not date. So stop coming here to complain when you're the ones shooting yourselves in the foot.
I'm not sure my post is a proper example of your point. I can't speak for the other three guys, but I'm doing just fine in the dating arena...you're not hearing me complain about being dateless. The point I was trying to make is that (with regards to me), a regular or even unattractive woman who asks me out will have a MUCH better shot at a date than an attractive one who doesn't. I'm sure that applies to a lot of women as well. Sometimes I will ask for her number if she's making herself available. But I'll pretty much ALWAYS accept an offer.
I'm not sure my post is a proper example of your point. I can't speak for the other three guys, but I'm doing just fine in the dating arena...you're not hearing me complain about being dateless. The point I was trying to make is that (with regards to me), a regular or even unattractive woman who asks me out will have a MUCH better shot at a date than an attractive one who doesn't. I'm sure that applies to a lot of women as well. Sometimes I will ask for her number if she's making herself available. But I'll pretty much ALWAYS accept an offer.
I respect you for that But honestly, I wouldn't want you do go out with me if you weren't attracted to me and are just going out because you though an action of mine was sexy (as opposed to being really interested in me).
I guess I have a different point of view. I rather have less dates (but with men who were really interested and attracted to me) than to just have a lot of dates and spin my wheels dating around. I suppose it's a reflection of my life. I am pretty busy with work, friends, hobbies, etc. I can (and do) make time to date... but it's not like I have all the time in the world to just date around.
But what you are saying could be helpful to a woman who does want to casually date (or has the time to)... you are saying it would increase her chances (at least with you).
IF you'd rather have less dates then you should come out and admit that from the beginning.
But you shouldn't be thinking that you got "rejected" so many times simply because you laughed at a guy's jokes and he didn't ask for your number.
That is the entire crux of this thread.
The point of my thread is to find out if a man is interested in a woman, will he follow her lead if she chats him up, is flirting, and gives all indication that she's interested in him. I've been told and read time and time again, a man who is interested won't let the woman he's interested in walk away without at least giving it a try. I wanted to see if that meshed with what the man on this forum think.
By the way, it's not just "laughing at jokes" or asking to borrow a pencil or the kind of chit chat your dentist has with you when he's got his hands in your mouth and expects you to talk . It's that conversation some of us women have where we ask about you, your interests, and ask if you have a girlfriend and indicate that we are single and looking, where we flirt, etc. (Edit: I should note that in all fairness, I've had 0% success with this... that is, if you were to count getting a date with the man I was talking to. But I've had a couple of dates and two long-term boyfriends by doing this and having that man introduce me to someone else. So it's indirect success.)
As for me and my personal dating history and such. It's the quality of dates I am talking about--I don't want to be someone's pity date or someone's "well, I got nothing better going on date." It's not that I want less dates, it's that I want less dates with men who aren't really interested in me so I am free to find a man who is more interested in me. So I spend my time, effort, and put emotional investment into THAT man who is interested in me in return and I am not wasting time and effort on men who don't really care or are wishy washy about things.
I should note a slight subtly too. I don't feel I am getting "rejected" at all. I am not rejected, the date is. Just because a man doesn't have enough interest in me to date or even ask for my number doesn't mean I am rejected as a person or he thinks I am a bad person... it just means he's not interested/I don't meet whatever criteria he's looking for (if he is even looking). Heaven knows there are men I won't go out with but it doesn't mean they are any less for it. It just means there isn't that spark. There is no pain in non-interest. It might be a little disappointing, but you quickly move on. There is pain in being strung along and getting emotionally invested in a man only for him to tell you he's not interested.
Last edited by jillabean; 04-04-2014 at 10:41 AM..
I hear you, I really only used it to make a point.
To answer your question: Depends on how badly I wanted a date (I'm doing pretty well right now, so if it happened today, the answer would probably be no. Ask me 9 months ago? Definitely yes.) BUT, the answer would be the same for the 7....it's not about whether she's a 7 or a 9. More importantly, the comparison is this:
If a 9 (or 7, or whatever) does the song and dance hoping for me to ask, there's like a 50% chance we'll end up on a date. Maybe I'll ask, maybe I won't, depends on my mood.
If a 2 (or whatever) asks me? 99%. I'd say 100%, but I suppose it's possible there's a situation where I'd say no...I just can't think of one. Confident, aggressive women are hot, and that's ALWAYS worth at least one date to see what she's about.
So then who do you date? Do you only date women that ask you out? If women that approach you but don't ask you out don't have a chance - then do you date only women that ask you out?
If you take every women who ever initiates contact with you as a sign of interest then you are labeled a desperate loser.
First of all, who cares about anyone's labels. You should focus on doing what's right for you.
Anyway, I think there are better odds of success by following up with a woman who approaches you, rather than doing a cold approach to any random woman.
Perhaps my approach is out of whack, but 1) at least I approach and 2) I'll tell you something it's VERY common advice in women's relationship/dating books and articles. It's also something I've been told by friends (both men and women): the basic premise is if a man is interested he will try, especially if you've opened the door for him. It's not like I came to this conclusion in a vacuum.
I read a lot (including relationship and dating books) and it's stressed over and over that if a man is "really" into you, he won't let you walk away without at least trying. One book I read was so brash as to say if he gives you his number throw it away because that shows he really doesn't care if you call him or not. If he cares, he will take the initiative. I think that's very much over the top--but advice like that is out there. So while even if here you all convince just me to act differently, it's an uphill battle.
Still, I appreciate the points of view and insight. Right now I've just stopped approaching with that intent all together (part of my give dating and trying to date a break thing). But I will consider it in the future. But so far, it looks like (based on poll results) I would be successful 2/3 of the time if they man is interested in me. Sure it's a numbers thing and sure it stinks if I miss that one out of ever three men, but at least I will be more sure of things from the get go.
Your last sentence is exactly what constantly rejected man is saying women stop criticizing men that dont approach I understand why women don't approach even though I don't agree with it all im asking is try to understand.
err because female Financial Advisers give me their business card.
Bank tellers give me their business card.
Wordpress and Javascript meetups with women give me their business card.
Startup entrepreneurs give me their business card.
My plumber gives me his business card.
My clients give me their business card.
Giving a business card means nothing.
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But honestly, I wouldn't want you do go out with me if you weren't attracted to me and are just going out because you though an action of mine was sexy (as opposed to being really interested in me). 
. It's that conversation some of us women have where we ask about you, your interests, and ask if you have a girlfriend and indicate that we are single and looking, where we flirt, etc. (Edit: I should note that in all fairness, I've had 0% success with this... that is, if you were to count getting a date with the man I was talking to. But I've had a couple of dates and two long-term boyfriends by doing this and having that man introduce me to someone else. So it's indirect success.) 
