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When I used to act like this, it was because the woman was the only one I was seeing at the time, but I wanted the option to be able to see someone else if the opportunity came up. I'm assuming this isn't on par with what the OP wants.
I've had FWB relationships. Key word is "friend". We would hang out, talk all the time, knew each other's friends, family, etc. They're all different. It may be different than what you're used to but that doesn't mean it might not be one. Just my 2 cents
Maybe what he's saying is he doesn't want to be in a serious relationship like marriage or living together? I'd ask him to clarify what he means about not wanting to be in a relationship.
I told him I don't believe in marriage and am down for FWB, but if it's going to be a FWB it's going to be on my terms--only sex, no contact otherwise. He did not want to agree to those terms when I broached the subject with him.
I told him I don't believe in marriage and am down for FWB, but if it's going to be a FWB it's going to be on my terms--only sex, no contact otherwise. He did not want to agree to those terms when I broached the subject with him.
Then I'd cut him loose. If he doesn't want to be in a relationship and he's not willing to comply with your FWB terms then he can't in his mind "have his cake" and do what he wants. Almost sounds manipulative. For me, your terms of a FWB is more of a f*$K buddy (again, that's for me--everyone is different). It's possible he sees them as something different too. Either way, if he doesn't want a relationship then he needs to stop doing all those relationship things. If he doesn't want a FWB then he needs to move along. It's one or the other. He sounds like he doesn't understand what he wants.
Hmmm, if you've known him 10 months, it's tricky. I thought maybe if you only knew him for a month or so, he could be hiding something major, like he's in the middle of a divorce or something. Ten months along, I would think you would know something like that by now, but then again, a friend of mine had been in a relationship with someone for just over a year and then one day he shows up, opens his wallet, takes out a picture of a little girl, and announces that she is his child. She lived with her mother in another state and he'd been hiding it all along.
So, I really don't know what to tell you, other than that this fellow may be taking the friend part of "friends with benefits" seriously, or he may be just passing time with you and wanting to leave an out because he does want to find someone to marry at some point, or he's hiding something.
For me, your terms of a FWB is more of a f*$K buddy (again, that's for me--everyone is different). It's possible he sees them as something different too. It's one or the other. He sounds like he doesn't understand what he wants.
Yeah I agree with your FWB and FB explanation. It seems to me the OP doesn't know what she wants too. So I think this is really more like a lost in translation 'relationship'.
Honestly I don't know what your prob is you don't want marriage, He "doesn't want to be in a relationship", I think this is a perfect set up for what you want. You both don't want commitment that is crystal clear but of course you both need someone when you feel lonely. So you both are having your cake and eating it too. Right?
I don't know what your prob is honestly OP. I am really , hmmmm
Yeah I agree with your FWB and FB explanation. It seems to me the OP doesn't know what she wants too. So I think this is really more like a lost in translation 'relationship'.
Honestly I don't know what your prob is you don't want marriage, He "doesn't want to be in a relationship", I think this is a perfect set up for what you want. You both don't want commitment that is crystal clear but of course you both need someone when you feel lonely. So you both are having your cake and eating it too. Right?
I don't know what your prob is honestly OP. I am really , hmmmm
I think the OP knows that she wants to be in a relationship with this guy, but she would accept a FB situation. She's young and shouldn't want marriage at this point. You can have a committed relationship without marriage. He wants a girlfriend without the security of that label, for whatever reason.
I told him I don't believe in marriage and am down for FWB, but if it's going to be a FWB it's going to be on my terms--only sex, no contact otherwise. He did not want to agree to those terms when I broached the subject with him.
I can see where he's coming from. If he genuinely enjoys your company then a FWB relationship under your guidelines would eliminate the possibility of hanging out with you other than to have sex. I look at it as he enjoys your company---along with the sex---but doesn't necessarily want to deal with the work and compromise necessary to keep the standard committed relationship afloat. Doesn't necessarily mean he has a phobia of commitment. It most likely means that at this time he doesn't want to give up the freedom and mobility he currently enjoys to be in a full-time committed relationship. If it was just sex that he was interested in, then he would have jumped at your FWB offer and been cool with it. By him being honest with you he's at least giving you the opportunity to determine if what he wants is aligned with what you want from him.
Ugh. I hate guys like this. "We're not in a relationship, but come to church with me and have sex with me!" Um, really?
Look, I was with a guy who ACTED like he was in love with me while we were dating. Even brought up marriage. But he refused to tell me he loved me, even though I had freely admitted to loving him several months into the relationship. I had no expectations of it being return, but after several more months of being in a committed relationship with him and him frequently discussing marriage without actually saying he loved me, I dumped him. He almost puked, then tried to hyperventilate. Then he asked if he could have more time to figure out if he loved me. Um, no.
See, it wasn't about love for him. It was about power and maintaining the upper hand. He DID love me, but who needs that effed up, dysfunctional kind of love? Same with your "relationship" with this guy - he's just looking to keep the upper hand. If I recall correctly (I may be wrong), you are not very religious, and I suspect that may be what's holding him back. He'll try to shape you into an appropriate girlfriend for him, and then maybe he'll consider formalizing your current situation as a "relationship." You know, if you toe the line.
You can do better, findly.
ADDENDUM: To be clear, I asked him a few months after I told him I loved him what page he was on with that. And he told me solemnly that we just didn't know each other well enough. I'd been best friends with his sibling for 5 years, and he was the one who'd had a crush on me for most of that time. We knew each other quite well. In fact, I'd been very open with him about my character and personality, while he had been the one who'd been furtive and not very forthcoming, which was why it took me 5 years to come around to wanting to date him. I'd felt I simply couldn't get a good bead on who he was. He was too busy trying to be the cool kid, rather than being real.
We've been hanging out for about 4 weeks. Says he doesn't want to be in a relationship (no time frame on that statement), but he:
1.) Texts me every day and calls me every night
2.) We hang out once during the week and then normally Friday, Sat and sometimes Sunday
3.) Has asked me to go to church with him
4.) Has met my friends and I've met some of his
5.) Has met my parents (was swinging by my parents house to grab some stuff, asked if he could tag along)
6.) Never hesitates to ask me to hang out and has never turned down a request from me
[We are having sex]
Okay, fine. I can do the no titles thing, but isn't this essentially a relationship? So confused.
He's a good guy. Was home schooled and goes to church every Sunday. Completely different from me in that regard and has has very few sexual partners and relationships.
I am not broaching the title subject with him again, I'm just going to let it play out. But just wanted some opinions on what is going on here?
sounds perfect for you, let's face it... you're not really one for any type of serious relationship anyway. Not trying to knock on you, but it seems like this would be an ideal situation for you
I don't think so. He's never had a FWB or ONS, only LTRs.
Wrong. He has a FWB, right now. If you're not cool with that, cut it off. If you're fine with it, carry on.
But make no mistake. This is the quintessential "Friends With Benefits" situation (as opposed to a "F*&% Buddy" situation, where the would be none of the "friends, we hang out all the time, met the fam," etc. element...just getting together for sex). There's companionship, sex, hanging with the family, reaping all kinds of positives typically enjoyed within the confines of a committed relationship...minus the commitment. Again, if that's cool by you, great. But it is what it is, which is the very definition of an FWB relationship.
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, hmmmm 
