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Old 12-07-2007, 08:19 AM
 
Location: Jonquil City (aka Smyrna) Georgia- by Atlanta
16,259 posts, read 24,653,235 times
Reputation: 3587

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I would advise anybody getting involved in a long distance relationship to consider several things. First and foremost is that people are often not the same on the internet as in person. I am one of the few that actually is pretty honest about myself online- in that I will tell you up front that I am not physically attractive and I don't make lots of money. I look OK and make about 57K. And I am exactly 38 lbs overweight and I wear a size 40 in pants (loose fit). But the fact is that most people LIE online. They lie about how the look, what they do, their marital status and Gawd knows what else. So my first advice to you would be to do a complete background check on anybody you are considering getting involved with. This goes double if you have children! You can do one for about $40 online and it is well worth it. I would advice a full credit check too if you have access to doing one or know somebody who does. I would also advise that you get full body bathing suit photos of this person from all angles. Remember that you are not going to just be sleeping with the face of this person. If their looks turn you off, the relationship will not go past first base because the chemistry has to be right. Secondly, if all seems well, you have to keep in mind that, if you get deeply involved with somebody, they or you are going to have to eventually move or the relationship will die. And because of the distance, you will not get to know this person in person as well as you should before somebody moves. Somebody can easily be the sweetest person in the world on the phone or over the course of a couple of weekend visits. Only when you move and live with them for an amount of time will you discover the real person. And if you move, you might find out that this person is not who you thought they were, you are not a good fit and now you are stuck in a city where you know nobody, have no family and now no mate. I am not saying don't do it. I am sure there are many wonderful relationships as a result of the internet. I am just saying look before you leap!
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Old 12-07-2007, 08:25 AM
 
Location: I'm not lost, I'm exploring!
3,401 posts, read 13,336,957 times
Reputation: 5774
I think rather than focusing on the bad, one should sum it up in general and quit attacking internet relationships (no I'm not in one, and have been burned by them before, so I am far from bias on this subject). I've had my share of them go well, and badly.

New relationships, period, are not without risk. People can lie to your face as they can lie to a computer monitor. Honestly the worst horror stories that I hear are from people meeting people the regular way, and things turning into some NBC 10 oclock news highlight... not internet dates gone horribly wrong.

Of course people won't want to point out their obvious faults before you even know them. . . but the internet is a great social leveling plane. And for a very short period of time, you can actually be judged by the nature and strength of your character, rather than your appearance.

No relationship is without risk. Look before you leap, regardless.
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Old 12-07-2007, 08:46 AM
 
Location: Kentucky Bluegrass
28,839 posts, read 30,065,940 times
Reputation: 19011
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fiddlekitten View Post
I think rather than focusing on the bad, one should sum it up in general and quit attacking internet relationships (no I'm not in one, and have been burned by them before, so I am far from bias on this subject). I've had my share of them go well, and badly.

New relationships, period, are not without risk. People can lie to your face as they can lie to a computer monitor. Honestly the worst horror stories that I hear are from people meeting people the regular way, and things turning into some NBC 10 oclock news highlight... not internet dates gone horribly wrong.

Of course people won't want to point out their obvious faults before you even know them. . . but the internet is a great social leveling plane. And for a very short period of time, you can actually be judged by the nature and strength of your character, rather than your appearance.

No relationship is without risk. Look before you leap, regardless.

whoo hoooo, very marvelous post, and tried to give you reps, but I must pass them around more....sorry...but yes, indeed, sometimes you meet some real stinkers, but then, there are those emerald gems, much like yourself....

smiles and hugs...loved this post

creme
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Old 12-07-2007, 08:55 AM
 
Location: in the southwest
13,396 posts, read 44,879,341 times
Reputation: 13599
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fiddlekitten View Post

No relationship is without risk. Look before you leap, regardless.
Exactly.
All relationships begin with mutual attaction, and trust.
I know of several very successful internet relationships that resulted in marriage.
Obviously these people were up front with each other online--and they spoke a lot before meeting. Then they met. And they clicked.
The internet is great for communication, but if the chemistry between two people isn't there, let alone mutual respect--then forget it.
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Old 12-07-2007, 09:36 AM
 
Location: Jonquil City (aka Smyrna) Georgia- by Atlanta
16,259 posts, read 24,653,235 times
Reputation: 3587
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fiddlekitten View Post
I think rather than focusing on the bad, one should sum it up in general and quit attacking internet relationships (no I'm not in one, and have been burned by them before, so I am far from bias on this subject). I've had my share of them go well, and badly.

New relationships, period, are not without risk. People can lie to your face as they can lie to a computer monitor. Honestly the worst horror stories that I hear are from people meeting people the regular way, and things turning into some NBC 10 oclock news highlight... not internet dates gone horribly wrong.

Of course people won't want to point out their obvious faults before you even know them. . . but the internet is a great social leveling plane. And for a very short period of time, you can actually be judged by the nature and strength of your character, rather than your appearance.

No relationship is without risk. Look before you leap, regardless.
That is true and I agree BUT the fact is that you have the gift to time together in a regular face to face relationship that you don't have with a long distance realtionship. The more time you spend with another person, the more you get to know them. Even if they are fakers, eventually they are going to get comfortable enough to let the real them come out more and more as time goes on. Even though I am probably the most honest of people on the net, even I have fudged some on blind dates in the past. For example I would wear a suit and she would say something like "oh that is a very nice suit" and I would say something like "oh it is just a regular work suit" as if I wore suits all the time when the truth was I hate suits and ties, only own one and that only comes out for funerals or weddings. So even I have faked a bit. Many people do. But if any blind date would have spent any appreciable time with me, they would have quickly discovered the truth because I would have either worn the same suit many times or quit wearing it at all and dressed how I feel most comfortable- jeans and a work shirt. Also I would point out that, if 2 people are in close proximity, you often can get to know the other person's family- especially their folks- and that can tell you a whole lot about what kind of person they are.
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Old 12-07-2007, 03:34 PM
 
Location: Zebulon, NC
2,275 posts, read 6,287,202 times
Reputation: 3622
Quote:
Originally Posted by KevK View Post
That is true and I agree BUT the fact is that you have the gift to time together in a regular face to face relationship that you don't have with a long distance realtionship.
I disagree. My husband and I met online, and had a long distance relationship (1100 miles) for a year and a half before we married. We met in person three months after meeting online. During that time we talked on the phone, as well as over the internet with a webcam.

After the first in-person meeting, we spent about five days per month together until we got married. In between trips, we were talking constantly - again, using web cams. We also each had long cables for our headsets that allowed us to walk just about anywhere in our apartments while talking.

We got to know each other a LOT better than we would have if we had dated locally. All we could do was talk to each other, and we have excellent communication as a result.

Kev, after reading several threads you've started, I think there's one thing you need to know: Your opinion does not equal fact. It's an opinion, nothing more. Please don't present them as facts.
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Old 12-07-2007, 05:14 PM
 
Location: the show-me state
672 posts, read 2,120,524 times
Reputation: 757
Well, I believe the long distance involved might even be helpful in the long run. I believe the users and the freaks will give up if they see its going to be a while before they can "get anything" from the other person. This type of situation works best with two people who are able to look past the way things are right now. Two people of vision who can realize that there may be valid reasons besides just distance keeping them apart for a period of time can do well I think. And, the person who is planning to move to be with the other one can use the time to put some money away. I think it would be silly to move somewhere you don't know anyone, and not have some escape money secretly tucked away. In fact, next year I plan to follow my own advice.
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Old 12-07-2007, 05:17 PM
 
Location: in drifts of snow wherever you go
2,493 posts, read 4,365,836 times
Reputation: 692
Thank god for the Internet. It's a wonderful way to meet people. But as with all relationship, TRUST is something that is BUILT over time. It doesn't happen in the first email or the first phone call or the first 15 seconds of face-to-face contact. Play it safe, get to know people gradually, and you'll be okay.

Greenie
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Old 12-08-2007, 10:52 AM
 
Location: Sherman Oaks, CA
6,588 posts, read 17,488,922 times
Reputation: 9462
First of all, I can't imagine why I'd get into an Internet relationship with someone who lives across the country. When I used to be on the local boards (anyone remember the days of Bulletin Board Systems??), I'd talk to someone for a few days and then insist on meeting them. It's human nature to build a picture in your mind of who you're talking to - and I've had some rude shocks, believe me! Also, no matter how well you think you get along with someone online, it's no comparison to actually being with them in person. What if you spent six months chatting, and then you finally meet, and you discover he/she has terrible table manners (or some other habit that would completely turn you off)?

And of course, in this day and age, a background check is essential. It never ceases to amaze me how many single moms are willing to meet someone on the Internet, and then move in with him after only a couple of months, putting their kids at risk from a guy who may be a pedophile (or worse).
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Old 12-08-2007, 11:34 AM
 
Location: Zebulon, NC
2,275 posts, read 6,287,202 times
Reputation: 3622
Quote:
Originally Posted by SandyCo View Post
First of all, I can't imagine why I'd get into an Internet relationship with someone who lives across the country. When I used to be on the local boards (anyone remember the days of Bulletin Board Systems??), I'd talk to someone for a few days and then insist on meeting them. It's human nature to build a picture in your mind of who you're talking to - and I've had some rude shocks, believe me! Also, no matter how well you think you get along with someone online, it's no comparison to actually being with them in person. What if you spent six months chatting, and then you finally meet, and you discover he/she has terrible table manners (or some other habit that would completely turn you off)?

And of course, in this day and age, a background check is essential. It never ceases to amaze me how many single moms are willing to meet someone on the Internet, and then move in with him after only a couple of months, putting their kids at risk from a guy who may be a pedophile (or worse).
Well, in my case, I wasn't looking for romance, and neither was he. He was someone I liked chatting with, and we had a lot in common. Our feelings just grew over time.

Also in my case, I don't have any children. I didn't do a background check, but by the time he first came to visit me, I had spoken to him every day for hours, and had also spoken with a couple of his coworkers (one of them a woman). He had also given me his full address and phone number, as well as his Social Security number in case I did want to run a check. Everything else about him checked out, so I wasn't worried. I was careful.
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