Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Spark notes version: I've known this girl for 2 years. Had amazing chemistry with her and got along great. I had a girlfriend and she eventually had a boyfriend so nothing happened. Began talking again in late January/early February of this year. Everything seemed to be going well and we would talk everyday and see each other at least once a week. I saw her for the last time the weekend of March 8th-9th and spent the night. Things still seemed good although she raised some concerns - told me she was getting busier and she was acting more stressed. Still assured me she liked me and told me that I shouldn't think things aren't going anywhere because they are. She just couldn't put all of her effort into anything for a few more months until she left school (she graduated but still works there). Things continued to be good after I left for a few more days and she still told me she missed me. I wasn't really worried about things and thought things would get better in a few months. Then things became different within a day or so. She became much more distant and shorter. She stopped initiating conversations (for the most part - still drunk texted me, texted me the following week to say she'd be in my town for work, and another time below) and didn't seem her normal self. When I called her out on it she said she still wanted to see me it was just hard because things were getting more real and she wasn't in a position to commit. She said she really liked hanging out with me because we have so much fun together. I decided to give her some space and she texted me randomly about something (looked to be a conversation starter) a few days later but never responded when I responded. I thought that was kind of weird. That's pretty much the last I've heard from her and it's been over 2 weeks.
Knowing this forum, I half expected this thread to be about weight. You know: "She said she was 5'6" and 110, but when we met in person she was really 5'2" and 180!"
Haha nope not at all. I was well aware of what she looked like and she was well aware of what I looked like, even though it had been 13 months since we saw each other. I guess that's one of the benefits of Facebook and girls who don't post deceiving "MySpace angle" pictures.
I'll keep this as short and sweet as possible. I haven't been on here in awhile but appreciate you taking the time out of your day to read this and help me. I tried to be concise but also detailed to tell the whole story. I will elaborate more if necessary.
In late January I began talking once again to this girl that I've known for two years. When I met her two years ago on spring break, we really hit it off and turns out we were both from the same state and not too far away from one another. I had a girlfriend at the time but knew that I had better chemistry with this girl. My relationship ended a few months later but she had already begun dating another guy. I would talk to her every few months but nothing serious. I kept in touch with her and saw her a few times but it was really casual. She ended up breaking up with her boyfriend over this past summer.
Over the whole month of February and into the middle of March of this year, we saw each other more than we had in the past two years. We went out to lunch the week before valentines day and saw each other for the first time in 13 months and she told me she wanted to see me that next weekend. We went out to dinner on valentine's day and kissed for the first time. We went out on 5-6 dates after that and things were going really well. It was apparent that she really liked me and I liked her. She even told me she liked me a few times. We would text everyday but it just became easier to call her at night. We would talk a few times a week on the phone for hours and never run out of things to say.
The last time I saw her was almost exactly a month ago. I spent the night at her apartment and things went smoothly. I took awhile to kiss her and when I finally went for it she told me "Finally...took you long enough". Things seemed to be going fine but she mentioned she was really stressed and going to go through a busy stretch of work. She graduated college in December but works full time on campus as a fitness instructor and lives in her college apartment with her roommates who are both still full time college students. She told me she wanted to spend time with her friends and family but still wanted to see me. After all, we had only been seeing each other once a week so it wasn't a huge time commitment on her end. She said that she couldn't put all of her effort into anything for a few more months (until she's done with everything) but she told me that she didn't want me to think that things weren't going anywhere because they were and that she likes me.
After this weekend, things carried on normal for a few days. She still told me she missed me and was hoping to see me soon. Conversation was still relatively normal and we had even talked on the phone (she called me) and that went great. Then things suddenly changed. I still can't figure out if it was inevitable or if something I said triggered it (very possible, I'll explain in detail if you're interested in what I think might have done it) but after that, nothing was the same.
I noticed it right away and tried to talk to her the next day but she was really short with me and took hours to respond which would be cool if she was actually busy but I don't think she was because she was using her phone for other things (twitter, instagram, etc). It was obvious at that point to me that something had happened. I tried to give her space as best I could and a few days later, she drunk texted me on a Friday night telling me she missed me a few times and because of the alcohol, seemed more like her happy, typical self that I had grown accustomed to. After barely hearing from her the rest of the weekend, she texted me to let me know she was going to be in my town for work. We exchanged some messages but eventually she stopped responding (which she never would do before). I texted her a pretty thoughtful message the next day and she barely responded.
Eventually, I grew pretty frustrated at what was happening and just wanted to know the truth. I told her that it seemed as though she had been really distant the past few weeks and I wasn't exactly sure why. I told her that I liked her but just wanted to know if she still wanted to see me or not and that I wouldn't be upset if she was honest with me. She responded by telling me she did want to see me but it was hard because she wasn't in a position to commit to anything and things were getting more real. She told me she was kind of all over the place right now and didn't want me to get upset if we couldn't talk or hangout all the time. She said she loved hanging out with me because we have so much fun together and she wants to spend time with me but it's not fair to me if she can't put the effort into it. I appreciated the response and told her that.
She texted me two days later out of the blue to tell me she was at home and sick and in a joking manner asking me what's wrong with her immune system. It seemed like a conversation starter to me. I responded shortly thereafter to her message but she never responded. I texted her the next day asking her if she was too cool to respond and she told me that was tired (even though again, she was awake enough to post intelligible things on social media after I texted her back). I told her I hoped she felt better and I haven't talked to or heard from her since. This was a little over 2 weeks ago.
To me, this excerpt sounds like it matches my situation, almost to a tee:
Now, I know some of you will say "move on" or "she's not interested anymore". Perhaps you're right. After all, I haven't heard from her in over two weeks now. No one can be that busy and if she wanted to talk to me, she'd be making an effort to talk to me. Maybe she wanted to enjoy the rest of college with her friends and not have to worry about a guy who was taking up a lot of her attention/time. This makes sense to me. Like I said before, we were texting all the time and a lot of nights we would talk on the phone. That sounds like things you would do with a person you were in a relationship with. I know she at least hadn't planned on ending things with me a few days before I last saw her because she asked me if I wanted to run a 5k with her sister and her boyfriend in May. Things definitely looked promising.
My personal plan is to let it go for now, give her her space and freedom, and two months from now, when she's done with work and isn't as busy, see if she's around to catch up and go from there. Right now, I'm very optimistic about the situation and still feel like all hope is not lost. I know she'll be around for a few more years (with grad school beginning in the fall).
Spark notes version: I've known this girl for 2 years. Had amazing chemistry with her and got along great. I had a girlfriend and she eventually had a boyfriend so nothing happened. Began talking again in late January/early February of this year. Everything seemed to be going well and we would talk everyday and see each other at least once a week. I saw her for the last time the weekend of March 8th-9th and spent the night. Things still seemed good although she raised some concerns - told me she was getting busier and she was acting more stressed. Still assured me she liked me and told me that I shouldn't think things aren't going anywhere because they are. She just couldn't put all of her effort into anything for a few more months until she left school (she graduated but still works there). Things continued to be good after I left for a few more days and she still told me she missed me. I wasn't really worried about things and thought things would get better in a few months. Then things became different within a day or so. She became much more distant and shorter. She stopped initiating conversations (for the most part - still drunk texted me, texted me the following week to say she'd be in my town for work, and another time below) and didn't seem her normal self. When I called her out on it she said she still wanted to see me it was just hard because things were getting more real and she wasn't in a position to commit. She said she really liked hanging out with me because we have so much fun together. I decided to give her some space and she texted me randomly about something (looked to be a conversation starter) a few days later but never responded when I responded. I thought that was kind of weird. That's pretty much the last I've heard from her and it's been over 2 weeks.
Sad, but, perhaps she likes you but really is busy? I'd take her word for it. It's not easy for some people to find a good work-life balance. It takes some getting used to.
I have the tendency to hone in on narcissistic personalities like a bug drunken on bug zapper light. Look up the personality traits and see if any of it applies. If any of it does apply, I'd guess there is your answer.
Just one time. She's still living in a college apartment with roommates who are still college students even though she graduated so I guess it's somewhat more forgiving. It happens, especially at that age, and I still get them sometimes from my friends albeit rarely and I'm almost two years removed from college. I was just pointing out the fact that for some reason, that night, she must have been thinking about me and had no hesitations about texting me. And this happened to be after things initially took a turn for the worst.
Baloney. I'm 21, a college senior and I don't do stupid, immature things like that. She sounds incredibly self centered and immature, and was playing mind games. Move on, and be grateful you saw her true colors early on.
OP, what was it you did that you think may have caused her to back off?
When I noticed a change, it was a little less than a month ago. Everything seemed to be going well, I was texting her and she was responding and then the conversation reached this point where she was talking about how she always had bad luck and I said something along the lines of "well I consider it good luck that I met you". She said something like "yeah, you'll probably get sick of me in a week". I said something like "I haven't gotten sick of you since we met two years ago" and she responded a little while later saying something like "yeah and we've only seen each other like twice". After that I asked if she was busy because I planned on calling her. She told me she was at a friends house so I responded by saying something along the lines of "ok have fun, talk to you some other time". She took this in a passive aggressive type way, even though I didn't mean it at all like that. She didn't say I was being passive aggressive but it seemed like she was upset by the way she was responding to me from then on - i.e. these kinds of messages "...", "K". I tried to explain myself (in a long winded manner, I guess) but to no avail. She told me she just didn't want to be on the phone at that moment because she was out at her friends. I wished her goodnight and that was it.
Before this conversation, everything seemed fine so if I had to pinpoint the part where she backed off it would be in the paragraph above. I'm not sure if she realized at that moment that things were becoming more like a relationship (i.e. me wanting to call her and her wanting to hang out with her friends) but things turned after this day. Whenever I tried to initiate any conversation after that night she has always been wicked short to me.
OP, it happens. I'm grappling with a similar situation myself. I think you should just give her space and move on.
I think I'll take my advice too.
I'm giving her space and am not going to let this stop me from going out and meeting other people. If I still care about her in a few months, I want to give it one more shot and see if she's around to meet up and then go from there. If she's as unresponsive then as she has been the last few weeks, I'll know it's time to give up because she won't have any excuses at that point (she won't be working and will have nothing but free time).
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
