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It was harder for us to see each other a lot because she lives 45 minutes away and works a different schedule than my 9-5 and has other things going on in her life
That's the problem and obviously you have more time. I got that from the first kiss also and the downward spiral
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"Finally...took you long enough".
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After this weekend, things carried on normal for a few days. She still told me she missed me and was hoping to see me soon.
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I tried to give her space as best I could and a few days later, she drunk texted me on a Friday night telling me she missed me a few times and because of the alcohol, seemed more like her happy, typical self that I had grown accustomed to. After barely hearing from her the rest of the weekend,
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We exchanged some messages but eventually she stopped responding
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he texted me two days later out of the blue to tell me she was at home and sick and in a joking manner asking me what's wrong with her immune system.
That's the problem and obviously you have more time. I got that from the first kiss also and the downward spiral
She's saying she needs attention.
So are you saying I made myself too available? By the way, that wasn't the first time I had kissed her. We had kissed on the last 5 dates or so dating back a month before that, many times with her initiating.
If I want a relationship with someone and they are dancing circles around, or beating around the bush, I would eventually get tired and frustrated. Like one poster said, relationships is a two way street. It has to be on equal grounds and the feelings have to be mutual. She seems like she is too busy to commit or too afraid to commit right now. Either way it's not going to go any farther than what it is now.
I'm letting it go but I just want to understand what happened as best I can. I'm only 23 so every relationship is a learning experience for me. I now know how badly it hurts when someone you care about stops talking to you out of the blue so if I'm ever in her shoes, I'll be completely honest with the other person before I let it get to that point. Ultimately, I want to know if it's something in particular that I did that made her lose interest/stop talking to me so I can avoid doing that in the future or if this is all on her.
So are you saying I made myself too available? By the way, that wasn't the first time I had kissed her. We had kissed on the last 5 dates or so dating back a month before that, many times with her initiating.
No, you both are simply on two different time schedules. Because of that, she tanks. She is obviously an over-achiever. People that over-achieve also get very overwhelmed. Trust me, I am an expert at being an over-achiever.
Very good point. Way too many mixed signals coming from her direction. I wouldn't necessarily say I'm wasting my time but I just haven't met anyone yet who I like more than her. Doesn't mean I'm not trying. I'm still going out and living my life just like she is. I'm definitely past the point of thinking I might hear from her. I don't expect her to contact me at all and I'm not planning on reaching out to her anytime soon.
Sorry, but she is a waste of your time - better if you put all of that energy into seeking out a gal who isn't into mental gymnastics.
I'll keep this as short and sweet as possible. I haven't been on here in awhile but appreciate you taking the time out of your day to read this and help me. I tried to be concise but also detailed to tell the whole story. I will elaborate more if necessary.
In late January I began talking once again to this girl that I've known for two years. When I met her two years ago on spring break, we really hit it off and turns out we were both from the same state and not too far away from one another. I had a girlfriend at the time but knew that I had better chemistry with this girl. My relationship ended a few months later but she had already begun dating another guy. I would talk to her every few months but nothing serious. I kept in touch with her and saw her a few times but it was really casual. She ended up breaking up with her boyfriend over this past summer.
Over the whole month of February and into the middle of March of this year, we saw each other more than we had in the past two years. We went out to lunch the week before valentines day and saw each other for the first time in 13 months and she told me she wanted to see me that next weekend. We went out to dinner on valentine's day and kissed for the first time. We went out on 5-6 dates after that and things were going really well. It was apparent that she really liked me and I liked her. She even told me she liked me a few times. We would text everyday but it just became easier to call her at night. We would talk a few times a week on the phone for hours and never run out of things to say.
The last time I saw her was almost exactly a month ago. I spent the night at her apartment and things went smoothly. I took awhile to kiss her and when I finally went for it she told me "Finally...took you long enough". Things seemed to be going fine but she mentioned she was really stressed and going to go through a busy stretch of work. She graduated college in December but works full time on campus as a fitness instructor and lives in her college apartment with her roommates who are both still full time college students. She told me she wanted to spend time with her friends and family but still wanted to see me. After all, we had only been seeing each other once a week so it wasn't a huge time commitment on her end. She said that she couldn't put all of her effort into anything for a few more months (until she's done with everything) but she told me that she didn't want me to think that things weren't going anywhere because they were and that she likes me.
After this weekend, things carried on normal for a few days. She still told me she missed me and was hoping to see me soon. Conversation was still relatively normal and we had even talked on the phone (she called me) and that went great. Then things suddenly changed. I still can't figure out if it was inevitable or if something I said triggered it (very possible, I'll explain in detail if you're interested in what I think might have done it) but after that, nothing was the same.
I noticed it right away and tried to talk to her the next day but she was really short with me and took hours to respond which would be cool if she was actually busy but I don't think she was because she was using her phone for other things (twitter, instagram, etc). It was obvious at that point to me that something had happened. I tried to give her space as best I could and a few days later, she drunk texted me on a Friday night telling me she missed me a few times and because of the alcohol, seemed more like her happy, typical self that I had grown accustomed to. After barely hearing from her the rest of the weekend, she texted me to let me know she was going to be in my town for work. We exchanged some messages but eventually she stopped responding (which she never would do before). I texted her a pretty thoughtful message the next day and she barely responded.
Eventually, I grew pretty frustrated at what was happening and just wanted to know the truth. I told her that it seemed as though she had been really distant the past few weeks and I wasn't exactly sure why. I told her that I liked her but just wanted to know if she still wanted to see me or not and that I wouldn't be upset if she was honest with me. She responded by telling me she did want to see me but it was hard because she wasn't in a position to commit to anything and things were getting more real. She told me she was kind of all over the place right now and didn't want me to get upset if we couldn't talk or hangout all the time. She said she loved hanging out with me because we have so much fun together and she wants to spend time with me but it's not fair to me if she can't put the effort into it. I appreciated the response and told her that.
She texted me two days later out of the blue to tell me she was at home and sick and in a joking manner asking me what's wrong with her immune system. It seemed like a conversation starter to me. I responded shortly thereafter to her message but she never responded. I texted her the next day asking her if she was too cool to respond and she told me that was tired (even though again, she was awake enough to post intelligible things on social media after I texted her back). I told her I hoped she felt better and I haven't talked to or heard from her since. This was a little over 2 weeks ago.
To me, this excerpt sounds like it matches my situation, almost to a tee:
Now, I know some of you will say "move on" or "she's not interested anymore". Perhaps you're right. After all, I haven't heard from her in over two weeks now. No one can be that busy and if she wanted to talk to me, she'd be making an effort to talk to me. Maybe she wanted to enjoy the rest of college with her friends and not have to worry about a guy who was taking up a lot of her attention/time. This makes sense to me. Like I said before, we were texting all the time and a lot of nights we would talk on the phone. That sounds like things you would do with a person you were in a relationship with. I know she at least hadn't planned on ending things with me a few days before I last saw her because she asked me if I wanted to run a 5k with her sister and her boyfriend in May. Things definitely looked promising.
My personal plan is to let it go for now, give her her space and freedom, and two months from now, when she's done with work and isn't as busy, see if she's around to catch up and go from there. Right now, I'm very optimistic about the situation and still feel like all hope is not lost. I know she'll be around for a few more years (with grad school beginning in the fall).
What are your thoughts on all of this?
My thoughts are why didn't you keep it short like you said lol
Sorry, but she is a waste of your time - better if you put all of that energy into seeking out a gal who isn't into mental gymnastics.
What? This guy sounds like he has plenty of time or a 9-5 schedule. He said they live 45 minutes away. If he wants someone who is successful, then he needs to belly-up to the extra effort. If he's not that way.. then sure.. he needs a different girl and I can see why she chose to be distant.
What? This guy sounds like he has plenty of time or a 9-5 schedule. He said they live 45 minutes away. If he wants someone who is successful, then he needs to belly-up to the extra effort. If he's not that way.. then sure.. he needs a different girl and I can see why she chose to be distant.
Like you said, I was willing to make time for her even though our schedules didn't line up at all and she was willing to as well for over a month. We wouldn't see each other much - some weeks we'd see each other twice, other weeks we wouldn't see each other at all - but we made it work. But now for the past month she's gone cold on me and I haven't seen her at all. I don't think it was a distance thing - she passes through my town all the time (her brother lives 5 minutes from me) or an "I'm too busy" thing which she made it out to be. She just must have lost interest but I can't seem to figure out where or why.
So are you saying I made myself too available? By the way, that wasn't the first time I had kissed her. We had kissed on the last 5 dates or so dating back a month before that, many times with her initiating.
No, I am not saying anything about availability. You both sound passive and no one is aggressive. You've talked on the phone too much and somehow you both ended up in the friends mode. I can tell you that she was tired of talking on the phone. She lost patience.
Like you said, I was willing to make time for her even though our schedules didn't line up at all and she was willing to as well for over a month. We wouldn't see each other much - some weeks we'd see each other twice, other weeks we wouldn't see each other at all - but we made it work. But now for the past month she's gone cold on me and I haven't seen her at all. I don't think it was a distance thing - she passes through my town all the time (her brother lives 5 minutes from me) or an "I'm too busy" thing which she made it out to be. She just must have lost interest but I can't seem to figure out where or why.
Like I said.. you both entered the friends mode. There is really no action going on here. Phones are detrimental and can ruin what you want to start
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