Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
She has her mind up that she is going to take the job regardless of his desires.
He has his mind made up that he does not want an overseas relationship.
It is what it is.
What is pissing me off is the fact that many of you ladies have completely thrown this guy in the fire because he does not want her to move across the world.
I have lived in two different countries so I know what it is like to be away from family for more than a few months.
IT SUCKS.
He wants his woman close. What is so wrong about that?? Just about every man with a set would.
The OP has made him her boyfriend out to be a complete butthead....when he is not.
A) I'm not a woman; there are plenty of guys on this thread that support OP's position.
B) I've been in a long distance relationship (US-Norway) for 18 months, yes it sucks but it's not impossible, we've been married for almost 8 years.
C) There's nothing wrong with wanting his girlfriend close to him but there is something wrong with wanting her close at the expense of advancing professionally.
Quote:
I want to go overseas for a year for a job that I would enjoy and would turn into a portable career.
OP has owned up to the fact that she wants to take her overseas job offer.
Quote:
My boyfriend told me that if I go, we have to breakup. He says he needs me with him and if I left, he would feel I abandonded him and sacrificed the relationship, all while I was having fun by myself. I told him that we could Skype everyday and keep our connection strong by visiting each other 3 or 4 times that year. He wasn't having it and just feels it's the job overseas or him.
If what's bolded is accurate, that's not a guy that "has a pair" that's a guy who is whining by being clingy, feeling abandoned and feeling left out because she would be "having fun" without him. The relationship does need to end but she's the one that needs to do the dumping. He put the ultimatum out there and he needs to be prepared to deal with the consequences. My guess is that if she does picks the job over him, he'll flip out instead of accepting her choice even though he's the one that put those conditions on the relationship.
He wants to get married. He wants his wife living with him. He wants to be able to see his wife everyday. To hug her...to kiss her...to make love to her....to raise a family with her.
Ummm, no.
Re-read her post, #62, where she said
Quote:
Yes, he's brought upmarriage. First month we dated. He put the pressure on so bad, we almost brokeup over it but he agreed to take marriage off the table for a while.
She also indicated she feels like an emotional security blanket rather than someone he cherishes and adores, that he wants to keep her close because he's insecure.
You're romanticizing an unhealthy relationship dynamic.
Long distance relationships are a very individual thing - some people think they're fine, some won't go near them. At least the guy is honest and says he won't consider it (better that than feeling lonely and cheating). He knows what he wants and has been upfront about it.
OP - you are indicating that you must find work soon - for the sake of your livelihood and mental health. You should definitely go.
This isn't as difficult as it seems. You should both do what you really want to do.
She also indicated she feels like an emotional security blanket rather than someone he cherishes and adores, that he wants to keep her close because he's insecure.
You're romanticizing an unhealthy relationship dynamic.
Must be a really comfortable blanket.
2 years and still going.
I agree with angelcake's post. Both of them are making the right decision.
"Sources indicate that research has shown military couples who have to endure more than one deployment often experience years of separation, which dramatically raises their chances of filing for divorce."
NO BIGGIE....
Nope. Because that isn't just about the separation. There is a lot else that goes on. The mental health impacts of being in a warzone are incredible. That is very stressful to both parties.
And that isn't about one year either, but multiple years.
I'll tell you a sure way to destroy a relationship, or prevent it from being a mutually positive one: prevent a long term unemployed partner from gaining employment and boxing them into a corner where they continue to be miserable and depressed. Surefire relationship destruction. Every time.
A split seems to be the best for both. He may come off as a bit of a control freak, at least by reading her side of the equation, but it really doesn't sound like she's that into him either. I am surprised by the percentage of replies that pick career over a relationship. I would never go for a one year, long-really long distance relationship. It'll never work. Absence does not make the heart grow fonder, especially when the OP's heart doesn't really seem to be in it. Maybe it's generational but I'd take a good relationship over a job any day.
A split seems to be the best for both. He may come off as a bit of a control freak, at least by reading her side of the equation, but it really doesn't sound like she's that into him either. I am surprised by the percentage of replies that pick career over a relationship. I would never go for a one year, long-really long distance relationship. It'll never work. Absence does not make the heart grow fonder, especially when the OP's heart doesn't really seem to be in it. Maybe it's generational but I'd take a good relationship over a job any day.
Good point. If the choice is between a good job (which includes rare opportunity to re-start an interrupted career) and a mediocre relationship, the better choice is the job.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 04-10-2014 at 11:33 AM..
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,974,024 times
Reputation: 40635
Perhaps I'm in the minority here (wouldn't be the first time), but when I'm out of work and can't find a job (thankfully it hasn't happened for extended periods often), it hits me hard. I get depressed, I'm not much fun to be with, my self esteem plummets and quite frankly, during those times I can't be a good partner to someone and I have no business being in a relationship.
Sometimes it is mind boggling the terrible advice posted in this section.
Let me be clear cut about it so they are no doubts OP.
This relationship is not good for you or healthy so you should breakup. Also his needs and desires are not the same as yours obviously so there is a disconnect. I for one will say though that we shouldn't bash the guy for being honest about his needs to his partner. Long distance does not work most of the time and honestly I would break it off with the girl too. Although, I wouldn't deliver and ultimatum.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
