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It's like one jumping into the ocean and complaining when one gets wet. Of course, this situation could have been one of those marriage before sex things; yet another reason why it's a horrible idea. Sexual compatibility is extremely important.
Well, I'm a stay at home mom and I assure you that I don't have sex with my husband because I'm dependent upon him for financial survival!
We're supposed to be asking for fur coats! Wait.... no asking for fur coats during the act.....
My notes aren't very good from that week, may I cheat off of you?
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It's like one jumping into the ocean and complaining when one gets wet. Of course, this situation could have been one of those marriage before sex things; yet another reason why it's a horrible idea. Sexual compatibility is extremely important.
Agreed, as well as long engagements.
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No, this simply isn't true, yet some people keep repeating it incessantly.
Main factor for someone to start desiring sex is spontaneous arousal regarding desiring sex with that person. Factors such as high stress and lots of other things CAN affect desire, but it definitely doesn't depend on petty things like washing dishes or taking trash outside. People often have sex with complete strangers and are most aroused and satisfied by either thinking or having sex with a complete stranger ("novelty factor"). Relationship "kills" this "raw desire" towards that person and it's true for both men and women.
You don't really need a study among people to prove it since it's quite self-explanatory, but researchers also conducted the research on animals to prove that the effect exists for all mammals that they tested. It's popularly called "Coolidge effect" of sexual desire and it's quite real and easy to prove:
Dynamic Changes in Nucleus Accumbens Dopamine Efflux During the Coolidge Effect in Male Rats (Coolidge effect shown in male rodents)
Male rat mates frequently and copulation is quick (signifying high and frequent arousal). Yet as the time goes, mating tends to be less frequent, it takes longer time, etc... until it simply stops. Bringing a new female rat maxes arousal again and mating hits with full frequency and short duration with each new female, only to decrease over time.
Effect of novel and familiar mating partne... [Behav Neural Biol. 1988] - PubMed - NCBI (Coolidge effect shown in female rodents)
Mating is at max with first male hamster, intensity decreases until it stops. Bringing new male hamster maxes copulation again but it decreases over time. Third time you bring the original male hamster and mating doesn't result with the same frequency/arousal as it would if you introduced the third "novelty". Same is obvious with "arching" of the spine which lasts longer when introduced with new hamster instead of the original, proving that female obviously recognizes if the original or the new male rat was introduced.
Also, the story about "reasonably satisfying relationship" with doing chores, emotional support, taking care of children, supporting her career and choices, etc... that myth is busted long ago and far more likely that a completely opposite scenario will happen. If a guy does everything that a woman wants, she'll likely walk over him and lose interest in him, she'll ditch him if/when she finally finds someone different to move on and it doesn't matter how good the guy was towards her (she'll probably even cheat on him in the mean time). It doesn't matter how good of a father to their children he was, how many sacrifices he did for her own well-being, standard of living, her career or emotional support. That woman will often go with a complete fool or a local player if that guy "takes her" instead, which generally proves a point that it's doing chores, emotions, parenting, providing, career supporting, etc is irrelevant.
You implied that women who are not breadwinners might sleep with their husbands more often because they are financially dependent on them. I disagree. Am I not allowed to say so?
Actually that's not what I implied. I implied to me because of financial dependence gals who are in a male sole earner relationship might have sex more than other types of relationships. Nothing this only being about gals who aren't the primary earner.
Either way nowhere did I suggest you're not allowed to disagree so I'm unsure why you're asking that. I stated your disagreement is irrelevant. You're talking about how financial dependence is not why you have sex with your husband. I'm talking about financial dependence might be why gals in this scenario have more sex than gals in other scenario. Your disagreement would be relevant if when both of you work you have less sex and when only he works you have more sex and the reason for the more sex wasn't because of financial dependence.
Last edited by udolipixie; 04-11-2014 at 08:43 PM..
I think I know what study you're talking about as I recall a study of the same results. The partners of the guys who did lesser had a traditional relationship as in he pays the bills so understandably to me if a gal is depending on a guy for financial survival she may be more included to have sex more.
Quote:
Originally Posted by udolipixie
Nowhere did I state you're not allowed to disagree so I'm unsure why you're asking if you're not allowed to say so. Your disagreement is irrelevant to me as you're talking about just having sex with your husband not about having more sex with your husband than in another scenario.
Do you not understand your own post? You are implying that a woman who is financially dependent on her husband has more sex with her husband because she needs him for financial survival. You are basically saying that she will have sex for money.
1) Communication (naked emotional openness and sharing, cue Billy Joel, "Honesty")
2) Expectations (pre marriage / post marriage as a relationship evolves; reciprocity is a two way street. Do you know her communication and love 'language/style'?
3) Mindset / Philosophy (toward sex, relationships, marriage; differences between obligatory sex via religious dogma / societal norms / making babies and sincere desire and expression of feelings toward each other)
These things should be the most important to you and your wife for what you are experiencing.
For the sake of not repeating a lot said in this thread, here is a 'condensed' reference list from handful of comments that cover the majority of what could be pertinent to your situation. Perhaps you have addressed some of these in later responses, but I'm going to list them (as a public service) so it can serve as a tool for future threads on this topic:
#76 Lilac110 (Consideration of another partner's needs?) #183 Mikala43 (Mindset?- if wife is using FB to 'disrespect' and commiserate there's likely more to this than just her attractiveness to you sexually) #205 OrangeApple (A woman's insight and interpretive context) #226 Jillabean (Consideration of another) #229 Timberline742 (Emotional maturity and comfort at communicating) #243 Theycallmesunshine [Engage the sex engine, have balance to keep it running optimally; easier said than done - based on physical / emotional demands of life stage (children/work demands) in some] #244 Birdinmigration (Wisdom on Sexual intimacy) #279 HoustonDan (Wisdom on behavioral interaction)
From what I have read in your comments, it reads as if your wife gives conflicting and indecisive response in therapy session versus what she says to you in person. I'm thinking you may (gently) want to encourage, or see, if her doing a solo therapy session to root out if there may be something deeper holding her back. Sometimes people repress bad experiences and you may be bringing her to the edge of recalling them so she withdraws emotionally?
Seems to be either
1) She just doesn't have that level of sex drive
2) She is experiencing a medical condition (hormonal issues) that is dampening the drive
3) She had life experience before (your shared history) that is hindering her from letting go to enjoy the fullest intimacy
4) You are bad at it and don't realize it (Read Ann Hooper's series Ultimate Sexual Touch, Ultimate Sex Book and Kama Sutra; note, Kama Sutra is not just about different 'sex positions' read the actual book as it gets to the holistic sense of physical, emotional, spiritual elements of engaging).
Best to you, your wife, and children and hope this helps.
Do you not understand your own post? You are implying that a woman who is financially dependent on her husband has more sex with her husband because she needs him for financial survival. You are basically saying that she will have sex for money.
I understand my post. I wrote it so I have a better understanding of it than you. Note the keyword: more. I am basically saying she may be inclined to have more sex than she desires for money. Take for example that despite the same/similar attraction a gal with a hot bf may have more sex than she would with an average bf due to fear that if she doesn't satisfy him he'll leave her as he has more opportunities than the average bf. In my opinion a gal in a male sole earner relationship seems to have more to lose so she may be more inclined to compromise/sacrifice/burden more for sex than other gals.
You're talking about how financial dependence is not why you have sex with your husband. I'm talking about how financial dependence may be why gals in this scenario have more sex than gals in other scenario.
Your disagreement is irrelevant to me. Your disagreement would be relevant if when both of you work you have less sex and when only he works you have more sex and the reason for the more sex wasn't because of financial dependence.
Last edited by udolipixie; 04-11-2014 at 08:56 PM..
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