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I want what I want. I don't control my sexual attraction. While I could give you a pretty decent description of the type of guy I typically like, I couldn't even begin to do that for the type of guy I want sexually. Some bring sexual attraction out of me, some don't, and not all of them are guys who are my type physically.
So it sounds like what you are saying is that you grew up with the myth that women were less horny than men, so you did not choose a wife whose sex drive was similar to yours, and now you are trying to change her.
But you don't really believe that women can feel powerful desire for men, or, if they do, you think it should be visually based and involve detailed fantasies. It should be more like men's sexuality.
Is that accurate?
Also, please, please, don't miss my post on the previous page.
So it sounds like what you are saying is that you grew up with the myth that women were less horny than men, so you did not choose a wife whose sex drive was similar to yours, and now you are trying to change her.
But you don't really believe that women can feel powerful desire for men, or, if they do, you think it should be visually based and involve detailed fantasies. It should be more like men's sexuality.
Is that accurate?
Also, please, please, don't miss my post on the previous page.
I don't care what her fantasies are, I'd just be happy if she had fantasies that were at least somewhat sexual.
As far as your other post...interesting.
I assume it's different for all women. Are we talking more cologne or natural scent? My wife doesn't like most cologne. She does like the way I smell "normally" whatever that means. Clean, of course, but I'm not sure how to use that in a sexual way.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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It's interesting. I dated a divorcee (with two kids) for a few months about a year ago and met her friends pretty quickly. She told me her closest female friends when on vacation would rave about the islands or whatever and the weather, then complain the only bad part was they had to have sex with their husbands during it... not even half jokingly, like it was a chore.
At the same time they asked her about our sex life and seemed to live vicariously through it... they were a mix of judgmental (I can't believe you did that! etc) and wanting more info.
Our only take aways was they really wanted sex and the freedom of having sex in public, different ways, spontaneously, etc... but they didn't want it with their husbands. We had no idea why. Maybe their husbands reminded them of their kids and their everyday domestic situation and that sucked the life out of them? It's an odd, but seemingly not rare, phenomena.
1. If you and your wife are having problems, don't read and ask about it online. Why, you ask? Because what will happen, is you will read some good advice, some bad advice, and not know what's what. You'll also not know what is applicable to your situation. Most importantly, you'll invent problems that don't exist, because you'll make assumptions about your own situation based on what you read, when what you're reading is only applicable to the situation it is itself describing.
2. While women do view sex in a different way than men, for the most part, yes, plenty of women want men sexually. In fact, my wife and I took a day off together just yesterday while the kids were in school to take advantage of this fact. Well, and do some yardwork. But the yard wasn't going anywhere while we were otherwise occupied...
3. Stop bitching about women online, and take care of your own relationship. I do get the frustration, but it's easier when you stop trying to understand everyone, or an entire gender, and just focus on you and your wife. Who cares what other people do or experience?
Our only take aways was they really wanted sex and the freedom of having sex in public, different ways, spontaneously, etc... but they didn't want it with their husbands. We had no idea why. Maybe their husbands reminded them of their kids and their everyday domestic situation and that sucked the life out of them? It's an odd, but seemingly not rare, phenomena.
Wow, this is huge! This should be studied. Actually, I remember reading a report fairly recently about how women need variety in sex partners. Boredom sets in after a certain time, so the couple needs to work at keeping things fresh and exciting.
Who are these women? I know no such women. Most women love sex, and can't get enough. They don't necessarily dress sexy, though. You can't judge a woman's libido by how she dresses, not at all. Remember Elaine Benes, on Seinfeld? She dressed frumpy and had virtually no boobs, but she was hot to trot.
Well I guess we shouldn't judge by that any more than so many women judge men negatively, based on the fact that men, being physiologically different, may manifest interest in sex more frequently. But I also think it may also be about social environment. Some areas, influenced by the media, tend to be so much more politically correct[uptight] about male-female relations until there is almost none at all.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TimR76
I like you, Ruth, from what I see here on C-D, but spend some time outside your own circle a while. My wife spends time in a few private Facebook boards, and although I don't snoop, I've seen comments when she leaves the page up and walks away - women laughing and making fun of their husbands, complaining about it being "sex night" that week. She and I have some issues we're working on, but these other women? To her credit she's said things to encourage them to look at sex more positively, which I know is hard for her to do.
I like Ruth to. She is typically quite objective about these things, which is rare for many women that I know. Like many narrow-minded men, they seem unaware that we see differently about these things and should not expect the other gender to behave as we do when it comes to this topic. But unfortunately, there is not enough interest or respect, about how our differences should fascinate not irritate us. We are as humans, very capable, even if unwilling, of appreciating people who are different from us.
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Well, and do some yardwork. But the yard wasn't going anywhere while we were otherwise occupied...
