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I have older people I spend time with who have all remarried after being single and I see a trend where these are not traditional marriages. Both couples were the other half of a foursome. I don't see a "loving " couple but I see two companions who share housekeeping and outings. They may have separate bedrooms and maintain separate professional lives. I think as long as you can still make room for some one in your life it should work. Everyone is not cut out to be half of a whole, some people are whole by themselves.
One of the best things I've read about the state of our lives as it is or may come to be at some point. Nothing's lacking, no feeling of whoa me, no I hate them, (men or women,) just, I'm good as I am. I understand some may see it as a negative and think, is this what the future holds, while others think, hail yes, I'll take some of that with a side order of bacon, or tofu, for the vegs/vags.
I don't feel negative toward those that feel the need to couple up, I smile when I see people happy in their relationships, people truly in love and happy, well, they makes me happy knowing their happy. Too much happy? What some need to feel completely fulfilled in life isn't the same for all, I'm not sure why that has to make those that want to mate up feel so uncomfortable. There are plenty of others out in the world that want to pair up just as there are a few of us strange beings that are comfortable in not going that route.
I never said there weren't any good men out there, just more or less not one I'm suited for. There are of course good men and women out there awaiting each other, so have fun, go get drunk on life, not alcohol, and do what you folks need to do to find each other, stop reading threads like this if it is going to affect your chakras.
Well, lilacs are a great thing to smell like, if I say so myself, but in terms of gaseous emissions, I have to wonder if perhaps she's just sitting next to a Glade Plug-In when she lets 'em rip?
You know, she just happens to have been buying lilac scented plug-ins over the years.
How true, our generation made you feel like you had to be a couple to be successful, and if that wasn't enough, once you were a couple, then it was, "so when are you two going to get married".
So, you got married b/c you thought you were supposed to....
And then, when you got married it was, "So when are you going to have a baby?".
I haven't read any further than this but, yes, our parents/society did us a great disservice by encouraging us to marry and have kids so young. Just because we "were supposed to". I mean it was the natural progression of our lives, wasn't it? I know that I was so 'brainwashed' I had my entire life mapped out by age 17. My parents couldn't have been better role models when it came to being a solidly married couple and I honestly believed that was what marriage was. Actually, in my entire extended family there were only one or two couples that I KNEW not to emulate! I guess I never took into account that no man was ever going to be like my dad no matter if I did treat him the way my mom treated Dad. But I think I sorta had that expectation. Had no idea he'd turn into an abusive jerk who would cheat on me and be jealous of his own kids. I was just 18 and had huge expectations which, of course, can lead to huge disappointments. I never encouraged my kids to marry young and while they all married in their 20s they at least didn't jump into it right out of high school.
Funny story...sorta. Once I had decided I would never marry again, and had been single about six years, my dad decided he needed to 'have a talk with me' and informed me that I should get married again. I just laughed and asked him why. He said, "So I can stop worrying about you". I was nearly 40 at the time and been independent for a long while. I asked him if he'd known of any time that I had lost my home, had my utilities cut off, starved to death, couldn't pay my bills, etc. and he said, "No". So I said, "Then I guess you can quit worrying about me". lol And he never brought it up again, although I did get married again a few years later. Am no longer married now because after 15 years he decided he just didn't want to be married anymore. Would I do it again? No way, Jose. I'm 16 years into being single again and it's not going to change.
yes, indeed it is great isn't it....we can just do what we want to do, without compromise....life is good! And I'm not downing marriage, just isn't for me, neither are relationships, I'm way to busy and actually worship the peace and quiet. I could live somewhere in the country by myself.
As a matter of fact, it was really a chore to get my friends and family to understand, that I can't be on the phone or with them even 3 days a week, let alone more. I need my quality time, which has become so important to me, and very valuable, so, for the first time in my life, I'm pleasing myself. The only bad part about it is, I find you can become very selfish and self indulgent. But hey, ????? LOL
I could have written that entire post. Hit the nail right on the head. Sometimes I worry about the "very selfish and self indulgent" part of it but I figure I've earned it. I spent my entire adult life being the 'caretaker', of everybody, denying myself things I wanted or wanted to do for other people. No more. I may not do a whole lot sometimes but I know I can and I will when I get to it. I love, love, love doing long road trips all by myself and I do that several times a year. Every time I take someone with me I'm reminded why I like to go alone.
I don't care to talk on the phone either. My life isn't one that has a whole lot to talk about in it. "Oh, hi. I went to work today and came home...". lol My sister calls EVERYBODY, all day long and some people she calls multiple times a day. She has nothing else to do. Then complains that "Nobody calls me". She doesn't give them a chance! Anyway, she's not allowed to have my phone number because I won't deal with it. The many calls OR her constantly complaining negative attitude. I guess I must have got through to everyone because my phone rings so seldom it makes me jump when it does! lol
Wanting someone to take care of you isn't shallow. Hey, I'd love to have someone cook, clean, and do all the labor for me.
It goes beyond that with these older men, though--keyword "older." I am talking about men in their 50s and older, Boomers who are now in heart attack territory and may be confronting their own mortality, either through illness or injury, or realizing that they only have so many years left and they are afraid of dying alone. The way these fellas approach partnership is very self-absorbed and more than a bit sexist. For them, what's in it for them is being taken care of. What's in it for the woman is the joy she's supposed to feel in taking care of someone. Well, women no longer see it that way. It's not our duty, and we don't get any more joy out of wiping drool off someone's face and wiping his arse than a man would in doing the same for us. It's not a labor of love for us like many older men think it is. It's just labor.
Perhaps men from later generations, Gen-X, Millennials, and beyond, will see things differently, because they grew up with mothers who worked, and they are more comfortable with the idea of woman as partner, not caregiver. But even though Boomers led the sexual revolution, Boomer men still grew up with mothers whose purpose in life was caregiving and seeing to someone else's comfort. That was the first idea of women those men had, and it is very, very tough not to resort back to that in their old age.
My son is now 55. A couple off years ago he was having a really hard time with 'getting older'. He felt like he was on the downhill side of his life, alone, with a laundry list of health issues, living on disability and no chance to have a happy married life. We had some long phone calls over all that. He finally 'got over it' and since then he's been content with being single and alone for, maybe, the rest of his life. He finally got to know HIMSELF through some pretty tough times and realized that if he could survive 'all that' he could survive just fine otherwise. As a Boomer, yes, he was raised that the woman was the caregiver and the 'doer' for the family. Even extended family. My son will be fine, I have no doubt, and whenever he thinks he might not be he calls Mom for some words of wisdom and encouragement.
No desire to marry ever again. Don't get me wrong, I was happy being married,being part of a team till we weren't. But that was then this is now, lots living, passion and all sorts of fun and pain since those days till present, but I like where I am right now and that's single. Miss some aspects, but, I am happy to fart as loud as I want and to wake up to no one but my own bad breath in the morning.
I would love to have a dog though.
I have to say, I loved being married too but often wonder why. I wanted to share my life with someone and, yes, be part of a team. I learned that watching my parents all my life. Great team work. Unfortunately I married men who didn't need a 'team'. They were 'the Boss' and that's all we needed. It's hard when your ideas and wants are ignored because they 'know best'. I rarely had a reason to argue because, admittedly, the final decision wasn't bad. Not for the marriage or for us, so how could I argue? Therefore I never really got anything I wanted because no team work or compromise. I guess, for me, "compromise" was simply "giving in" and is something I'll never do again.
I can't find a post where he said or implied this. I think it's fair to conclude that BOTH genders are guilty of becoming "no-good and needy". For every ex-wife you can find that feels that way, I can find an ex-husband. To imply that there's a significant majority one way or the other is just ignorant.
Yes, both genders can be "guilty"...of many things. I don't think anyone is denying or arguing that point, really. However this thread was started by a woman and it was mostly women responding, at first, so yes the main topic is men. Only one, that I can recall, said anything near really insulting...if it was. That gets taken as 'us' talking about ALL men being _________________ (fill in the blank) when nobody has said so. So, yeah, we can all agree that both genders can be rotten at times but I'm still willing to bet that the vast majority are not. The rotten ones just reinforce those unfortunate stereotypes that will never go away. And it needs to not be taken personally. Sometimes I get my panties in a twist when I see what guys say about women and have a knee jerk reaction. I might even take it personally, for about 10 seconds, but then blow it off. It isn't about 'me'...and this thread is not about ALL men or even most men, I don't believe.
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There are of course good men and women out there awaiting each other, so have fun, go get drunk on life, not alcohol, and do what you folks need to do to find each other, stop reading threads like this if it is going to affect your chakras. 
