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When I was younger Lucario, I would have thought the same thing, but unfortunately life has taught me many things and not all of them are good.
Man, and by man I mean, human beings, are governed by 3 things, power, money and sex....and along the way if you meet that person who is loyal to him or herself, then they will be loyal to you....however, most people today, not all but most feel the same way this person does....I'm still on the fence with some things, but there was a time in my life, I really thought that most men were loyal to their wives and families...and took it very personal when they were not. Actually I still believe some are, but most are not....men unfortunately are led astray quicker then women, however in this day and age, I guess it is now the same for women, b/c we marry for all the wrong reasons...
That post may be cynical, but sexist, no, truthful and honest, depending on what that poster and seen and had to bear in their life time.
I've known some men who have been cheated on, and will never ever trust another woman.
Yanno, we're all different, we all have different perspectives about all different issues...but just because a person truthfully feels a certain way, and I mean literally feels that way, doesn't make them sexist, racist or indifferent, b/c there is no right or wrong answer, the only thing one can realize is, no one but no one will live up to your expectations....that is your very own personal culture, what you think and feel, but to be offended by how another thinks and feels is lost time and space in growth, and understanding a much larger picture.....we must learn to allow people to be who they are, and not expect them to think and feel like we do. They never will and if we do, then we set them and us up to fail.
Let me tell you this, I never ever want to wake up at the end of someone else's idea of what marriage should be ever again.
That's a big NO! I never want to go through a divorce again. Even though all the years weren't bad it wasn't worth it.
Since I have no desire to have children a live-in situation would be a possibility but not marriage.
Wish I never did it as I lost 8 prime years. I especially hate being single at my age.
I've been single and living alone (including now) most of my life and frankly I do not like it.
Hi John,
I can tell you this, I never, ever, for all the money, power and sex in the world ever, want to feel that kind of hurt again!
Actually, there is some merit to it. My sister and friends in their 50s tell me that if they meet one more man who wants someone to "take care of" him, they're going to pull their hair out. There is a reason why so many men seek out remarriage after a divorce or widowhood. It's also why when you go to the old folks' home, a greater proportion of men than women want a partner.
But also, heterosexual men tend to get their emotional support and connection from women, namely their partners. Women tend to have larger networks for emotional support than men. Those same networks tend to meet most of women's needs for socializing and for help in a time of need, like if they fall ill. Men tend to rely on women for that stuff, and the older they get, the greater that reliance.
I had a friend who was dying, and upon leaving from a visit, her husband walked me to the door and said to me, "I can't be alone creme" He had this blank mixed up, terrible forlorned look on his face and I was confused. Not long after her death, did I understand, as he remarried right away. Sad, very sad. I wish at the time, I'd have known what I know now, but he probably wouldn't have listened anyway.
Your post is excellent and wise....and yes, my friends who have lost their husbands say the same thing, and terrible to say, but what you have said is so true...not for all, but for most. It is cold harsh reality that needs to be addressed....basically I just couldn't have someone, in the same house again, it would cause me great stress...would make me crazy. I to have MS, the reoccuring kind, but have been very fortunate over the last 23 years...but it could come back with a vengence....and there are side effects.
Thanks. I know it sounds cold. But it's not so much the illness, it's the ratio of investment to caregiving. My ex's father has Parkinson's. My ex's parents are in their 60s and have been married for over 40 years. When you have that kind of foundation, caregiving in a time of illness is just part and parcel of "in sickness and in health." A lifetime of love and joy are worth it, and most people wouldn't have it any other way. In fact, I think to some degree, love aside, my ex's mother also sees it as "he provided for our sons and me all these years, and it's his retirement that keeps me housed and fed even now, it's the least I can do for him."
But when you're in your 50s, and you've only been with someone a few years before something bad happens, there isn't that foundation. It's tough to see what's in it for you, and for a marriage to be healthy, there has to be something in it for both partners.
Folks, lets always try and remember before we judge others, we never know what that person has been thru, we don't know them at all, so until we walk in their shoes, it's best to just allow and not take a post personal....k?
It is a waste of time, please read with an open mind and express your own feelings, without pointing fingers at others.
Actually, there is some merit to it. My sister and
friends in their 50s tell me that if they meet one more man who wants someone to
"take care of" him, they're going to pull their hair out. There is a reason why
so many men seek out remarriage after a divorce or widowhood. It's also why when
you go to the old folks' home, a greater proportion of men than women want a
partner.
Lilac, just because some people have had those types of experiences doesn't mean all men are shallow, weak-bodied or weak-minded mama's boys who just want someone to take care of them. I mean, we all want someone to take care of us.........but I feel very good if I'm taking care of someone else as well.
I'll say this - I'll never, ever remarry under any circumstance.
Quote:
But also, heterosexual men tend to get their emotional support and connection
from women, namely their partners. Women tend to have larger networks for
emotional support than men.
That's somewhat true. I mean, why do you think I'm on here all the time? I have no emotional support from my "wife" or any woman, and nobody else. Lots of guys are like that, unfortunately.
Quote:
Those same networks tend to meet most of women's needs for socializing
and for help in a time of need, like if they fall ill. Men tend to rely on women
for that stuff, and the older they get, the greater that reliance.
After a quarter-century of marital hell, all I want is some peace. By the time I get that, I'll probably be ready to die anyway.
When I was younger Lucario, I would have thought the same thing, but unfortunately life has taught me many things and not all of them are good.
Man, and by man I mean, human beings, are governed by 3 things, power, money and sex....and along the way if you meet that person who is loyal to him or herself, then they will be loyal to you....however, most people today, not all but most feel the same way this person does....I'm still on the fence with some things, but there was a time in my life, I really thought that most men were loyal to their wives and families...and took it very personal when they were not. Actually I still believe some are, but most are not....men unfortunately are led astray quicker then women, however in this day and age, I guess it is now the same for women, b/c we marry for all the wrong reasons...
That post may be cynical, but sexist, no, truthful and honest, depending on what that poster and seen and had to bear in their life time.
I've known some men who have been cheated on, and will never ever trust another woman.
Yanno, we're all different, we all have different perspectives about all different issues...but just because a person truthfully feels a certain way, and I mean literally feels that way, doesn't make them sexist, racist or indifferent, b/c there is no right or wrong answer, the only thing one can realize is, no one but no one will live up to your expectations....that is your very own personal culture, what you think and feel, but to be offended by how another thinks and feels is lost time and space in growth, and understanding a much larger picture.....we must learn to allow people to be who they are, and not expect them to think and feel like we do. They never will and if we do, then we set them and us up to fail.
Let me tell you this, I never ever want to wake up at the end of someone else's idea of what marriage should be ever again.
Think about that, please.
I used the term sexist because it generalized about men, implying and attributing some pretty significant deficiencies to the entire gender. When I see things like that I get quite offended.
Lucario Lilac, just because some people have had those types of experiences doesn't mean all men are shallow, weak-bodied or weak-minded mama's boys who just want someone to take care of them. I mean, we all want someone to take care of us.........but I feel very good if I'm taking care of someone else as well.
Whoa whoa, whoa, please if you would be so kind, allow me to say, Lilac didn't mean all men, once again, please do not take someone's post offensive, like they mean you personally...understand, truthfully, there are a lot of men and women like that out there...it works both ways, so, please, step back, take a deep breath, let it out, breath and understand, this person is simply expressing their views in a general manner, and they do not mean every single man on the face of this earth....
Quote:
I'll say this - I'll never, ever remarry under any circumstance.
and that's ok, and fine, express away....
Quote:
That's somewhat true. I mean, why do you think I'm on here all the time? I have no emotional support from my "wife" or any woman, and nobody else. Lots of guys are like that, unfortunately.
Yes, lots of guys but not every guy and no one said that, did they? Learn to read between the lines and not take offense right away at someone's post.... no one is right or wrong here....nor is anyone lashing out at you...
Quote:
After a quarter-century of marital hell, all I want is some peace. By the time I get that, I'll probably be ready to die anyway.
is that by your choice? Or could you leave, and I'm not telling you do do so....but it sounds as if you are very unhappy.
I have said this for a long time, if anything happened to my husband I would never marry nor live with another man again. I would keep lovers, I don't really need a man for anything else. Not that you even need a man for sex but I do enjoy a naked man in my bed.
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