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That's what I did. I stopped asking approaching women all together. It will probably be months before I even dare to ask another one out. Maybe it's how I look (Shrugs shoulders).
Yeah, if you can find the problem, do what you can to fix it... depending on the problem.
If my experience is any indication, you will have women falling all over you before you even begin to get close to fixing your problems. You'll be at the halfway mark determined and now they want some of that 49er.
Alright since everyone is saying that my story is lame let me give you two more incidents which I guess are a bit more soul crushing. The first one is when I was on a marching band trip.
I was on a school trip and one morning when I had some free time I was wandering around the hotel and I couldn't find any of my friends. On the last door I tried, my friend cracked open the door, obviously dressed in only boxers. He said they were playing strip poker with some girls, and he would see if I could join.
He called back into the room, "Hey, is it okay if Sjd1 joins us?"
The next thing you heard was a resounding chorus of female voices: "NO!"
He turned back to me, said, "Sorry man," and closed the door.
Then of course there were the numerous times I wasn't invited to parties because none of the girls wanted to play spin the bottle with me.
And of course as an adult there are the numerous being stood up on dates. Hey believe me if the original story aint good enough I gotta a ton more.
Yeah, people are completely different as adults from when they were children. Yeah, I've had kids do things to hurt me when I was a kid. But I take it as we were just kids we didn't know better. The Adults that did what they can to hurt me when I was a kid, that is a bigger issue.
But hey, you have something you need to make peace with before you can move forward in some aspects of your life.
Yeah, if you can find the problem, do what you can to fix it... depending on the problem.
If my experience is any indication, you will have women falling all over you before you even begin to get close to fixing your problems. You'll be at the halfway mark determined and now they want some of that 49er.
I also realized I have anxiety when I am around women I find attractive. Not approaching is a good idea for me for now.
I've often wondered something similar too... now, I've never gotten a date out of any man I've ever approached first (as in cold approach), but except for one man (out of hundreds) I never got a nasty rejection either. And that's what this is all about. I have to wonder if it's not the person approaching, but the way the person "is approaching."
I tend to start off friendly, warm the other person up with a smile, a laugh... nothing serious. Coax the person into talking a little about himself, learn if he has someone else in his life, tell a little bit about me, etc, etc... it takes a lot of time. It's like mental foreplay and there is a good rapport before I turn a bit flirty and go in for the "hey, I am interested in you" kill (if I even get to it... because I might find out he's not my type or he's got someone in the course of the friendly conversation bit).
I wonder if these guys that are rejected so much are walking and saying, "hi... I think you are cute. Can I have your number?" or worse, throwing "lines." In other words... no "mental foreplay" to warm the woman up to them as a person. Because, yeah, that overly direct approach will get rejected a lot.
Think of it this way, it's like the difference between a sales man walking up to you, engaging you in conversations, joking, showing you how a product works and then asking if you want to buy it. You might still say no, but you say no with a smile or a "no thank you." If the same salesman walks up to you, holding out a widget saying, "wanna buy this?" without the build up... most people just walk by like he's not there.
Yeah, I can see how that overly direct approach can make people feel put on the spot and want to pull out.
However, the straight up "I think you're cute" approach is said to have a slight batting average. Pick up lines are getting to be taboo. However, my style would be to introduce myself, give my name, get her name. Ask about her, kinda feel the vibe. If I sense that she doesn't really feel like talking to me, then I leave with a "It was nice to meet you." If there is chemistry and we are enjoying each others company, then I let her know that I am interested in her and get her number. Then we go from there.
I also realized I have anxiety when I am around women I find attractive. Not approaching is a good idea for me for now.
I DO TOO!!!
I always will have anxiety around women I am attracted to. I had to back off for a while in order to ask myself:
What do I want?
It goes without saying, when I see a woman I am attracted to, I want to have sex with her. The overly self righteous people that are ashamed and frightened of their own sexuality can attack me all they want, but the desire is there.
Is that all I want? No.
There is something else that I want. I want us to enjoy our time together. I want to make her day. I want to be able to ask her out and even if she declines, it is a positive experience. I like walking away with the idea that even though she declined my offer, she really appreciated it and it made her feel so good. Hell, I don't know which would be better to be honest. Her saying no, or "I can't" while smiling/blushing or actually going with her and experiencing everything that comes with a relationship (like arguments, I'm sick of you, and the highly likely break up which will leave me an emotional wreck).
Last edited by TJenkins602; 04-24-2014 at 11:29 AM..
Reason: Wan?! What's a wan?! Obi Wan?
I also realized I have anxiety when I am around women I find attractive. Not approaching is a good idea for me for now.
See, that is exactly WHY you have to practice. You will build up your confidence and then don't care anymore about how pretty one is (even the pretty ones need to use the bathroom, they are human, too. Don't forget that) and just go there and talk to her.
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