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He could get a cohabitation agreement--it might provide some reassurance and stability. It ends up being a lot like a marriage, but there are some differences. But again, he really should check into his paternal rights and what the advantages and disadvantages are of marriage, co-habitation, paternal rights if not married, etc. He should also check with his employer as well for medical insurance and such for potential children. If the woman he has kids with has to leave work due to a difficult pregnancy, not only will she be uninsured, so will the babies (and if the woman has a difficult pregnancy, there is a good chance there might be health issues with a child as well). Although I suppose he could pay for something though the state now with the new health insurance mandates.
Anyway, again my point is do your research first. Maybe even talk with a family lawyer first. It might cost a few hundred bucks, but could save heart ache in the end.
No kids in the US are dependent on parental employment for insurance. The fed gov't provides insurance to uninsured kids, and has for the last couple of decades.
It's not going to make any difference financially if they are married or not, if they have kids together and live in the same house. He would still be required to provide housing, support and health insurance for the kids.
It's not going to make any difference financially if they are married or not, if they have kids together and live in the same house. He would still be required to provide housing, support and health insurance for the kids.
The OP seems to be taking a lot of risks just to avoid the D-word. If he's so irrationally fearful of divorce, maybe he should address and resolve his fears before undertaking one of the biggest steps in life anyone can make, and before involving innocent children in his fear-driven decisions.
He's clearly uninformed about state and federal law and regs governing this future situation he envisions. Time to be a big boy and do some homework that isn't based on the advice on strangers on the internet, but on solid research.
Why should OP take on faith that his hypothetical future SO won't leave HIM once she has the divorce mutually-assured-destruction switch in her control??
Your post is the epitome of the way our culture operates: woman=good, man=bad.
Not sure what part of divorce he's worried about. The emotional toll would be about the same if it was a long term committed relationship with kids. And even if they aren't married, they would still have to split property if they lived together and split up. If it's alimony he's worried about he can move to a state that doesn't have it anymore, get a prenup, or he can find a woman who makes more money than he does (since most states don't have alimony anymore, it's spousal support and is gender neutral depending on who earns more). This would mean in the event of divorce, he gets to retains his parental rights which he might not get otherwise.
Again, that's why I say he should really get up to speed on the marriage, divorce, common law marriage, co-habitation, and parental (especially paternal rights) laws in his state before he makes a decision--so he knows what he's best protected under. Depending on where he lives, the laws there, and who the mother of his hypothetical children are, he might be better protected under something that doesn't seem so cliche and as knee-jerk as: marriage= bad for men, marriage= only good for woman.
Why should OP take on faith that his hypothetical future SO won't leave HIM once she has the divorce mutually-assured-destruction switch in her control?
He doesn't have to take it on faith. Stats show that the quality of life usually goes down for custodial parents, usually the mom, after divorce. It'll be harder for her to leave too.
It's not going to make any difference financially if they are married or not, if they have kids together and live in the same house. He would still be required to provide housing, support and health insurance for the kids.
Please make a point of it to disregard incorrect and factually-ridiculous advice, such as what is quoted above, OP.
You expose yourself to far, FAR less risk by not getting married.
If you don't marry, the above poster is correct, you are on the hook for child support.
If you DO marry, then:
-On the hook for all of your spouses debts before, during, and after your wedding. (think student loans, credit cards, car loans)
-Spouse is entitled to 50% of your retirement, standing savings accounts, and joint accounts.
-Spouse is entitled to 50% of the equity in your house.
- Spouse could be awarded alimony.
-Spouse could claim mental deficiencies which could require you to support her for the rest of her life.
-If your spouse becomes pregnant via infidelity, your name automatically goes on the birth certificate (presumption of paternity inside marriage) and you could be on the hook for child support of a child that's not even yours!
Not sure what part of divorce he's worried about. The emotional toll would be about the same if it was a long term committed relationship with kids. And even if they aren't married, they would still have to split property if they lived together and split up. If it's alimony he's worried about he can move to a state that doesn't have it anymore, get a prenup, or he can find a woman who makes more money than he does (since most states don't have alimony anymore, it's spousal support and is gender neutral depending on who earns more). This would mean in the event of divorce, he gets to retains his parental rights which he might not get otherwise.
Again, that's why I say he should really get up to speed on the marriage, divorce, common law marriage, co-habitation, and parental (especially paternal rights) laws in his state before he makes a decision--so he knows what he's best protected under. Depending on where he lives, the laws there, and who the mother of his hypothetical children are, he might be better protected under something that doesn't seem so cliche and as knee-jerk as: marriage= bad for men, marriage= only good for woman.
The argument being used here that, "if you live with her it's common law marriage anyway so there's no difference" is just terrible, terrible bunk advice.
If OP is going to live with the future mother of his children, then he sets up a lease or sub-lease agreement that she has to sign, and resign every single year. This subverts the common-law marriage angle, as the OP would then be legally seen as her landlord.
50% of prenups are shot down in court. They're as worthless as the lawyer that writes them.
The final part of your post is very good advice: learn the family court, custody, cohabitation, common law marriage, and divorce laws in your locale.
Please make a point of it to disregard incorrect and factually-ridiculous advice, such as what is quoted above, OP.
You expose yourself to far, FAR less risk by not getting married.
If you don't marry, the above poster is correct, you are on the hook for child support.
If you DO marry, then:
-On the hook for all of your spouses debts before, during, and after your wedding. (think student loans, credit cards, car loans)
-Spouse is entitled to 50% of your retirement, standing savings accounts, and joint accounts.
-Spouse is entitled to 50% of the equity in your house.
- Spouse could be awarded alimony.
-Spouse could claim mental deficiencies which could require you to support her for the rest of her life.
-If your spouse becomes pregnant via infidelity, your name automatically goes on the birth certificate (presumption of paternity inside marriage) and you could be on the hook for child support of a child that's not even yours!
Are you warming up to marriage yet, OP?
"Factually-ridiculous", is that a legal term?
You mean like the example you provided; "spouse could claim mental deficiencies"? Really? A spouse could claim that without proving it beyond a doubt, and cash in?
RE: the last--that would be true even if they aren't married. She could put his name on the birth certif. He'd have to hire a lawyer to do a DNA check whether they're married or not.
Either way, getting involved with anyone and having kids with anyone carries risks. Which is why it's best to exercise caution whenever you decide to involve someone in your life on an intimate level. That's life--full of risk. Take a class in risk management if you can't handle it.
NEXT!
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 04-21-2014 at 03:01 PM..
He doesn't have to take it on faith. Stats show that the quality of life usually goes down for custodial parents, usually the mom, after divorce. It'll be harder for her to leave too.
So you're telling me that a woman is less likely to divorce because first she'll look at statistics and see that her quality of life is likely to go down?
Women initiate 70% of all divorces....so...yeah. Your logic doesn't play out in real life.
I'm having a hard time even comprehending how some of the posters can wrap their heads around the ridiculousness of their reasoning as to why the OP should get married.
So, no woman will take on faith that the OP won't leave her, but OP should put that exact same faith in a marriage.
Either way, getting involved with anyone and having kids with anyone carries risks. Which is why it's best to exercise caution whenever you decide to involve someone in your life on an intimate level. That's life--full of risk. Take a class in risk management if you can't handle it.
NEXT!
Really. OP doesn't even have a girlfriend. A lot of advice on this board by people who apparently never had one, either.
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