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But yeah, if you want the legal commitment that's fine but not everyone needs that. If someone is thinking about leaving me I'd rather them stay because they want to. Not because it's too inconvenient for them to leave. (Ending a LTR in which kids, a house, and other shared things isn't really that convenient though, but whatever)
I'm not sure what the correlation is between legally binding your self to someone and staying with them because it's more convenient.
When you marry someone - you are supposed to be vowing to be with them through sickness and health, richer and poorer, good times and bad times - as long as you both shall live. If you aren't able to make that kind of commitment - you shouldn't get married even though people do so all the time. There are no guarantees that it will work out - but if you are going to get married - that should be your goal. This has nothing to do with staying with someone because it's easier than getting divorced. And if you are married - you should be willing to work through hard times and not just pack up and leave at the first sign of some hardships. I don't want to have an easy out. I want to know that this is my partner through life - no matter what life throws at us - we are in it together. If you can't make that kind of commitment to me, I'm not going to share my life with you and have children with you. That's just me. You are free to do whatever you please. I have some friends that aren't married and have children together and it works for them. It wouldn't work for me.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Being married and it not working is easier than having kids and it not working. Very likely you wont pay alimony if you and your wife make middle class salaries and you can go zero tolerance no contact after the divorce is finalized so you can totally not acknowledge that person's presence on Earth if you want. Cant do that with kids. Once you have them you are on the hook for them forever.
Well, now you are talking about a completely different thing. Are you planning on having an open relationship with the mother of your children or are you talking about just cheating on her?
I believe people change, nothing stays the same. If the woman or man in the relationship feels the need to change then why should the other stand in the way? It is easier to let them go do what they want to go do than to stand and try to fight nature.
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Originally Posted by srjth
Oooh, what about adoption, MJ7???
Maybe you're also afraid of getting cheated on too. Some guys have that fear and don't want to marry.
Why did you say you wanted to get into an LTR now in the OP?
Hmmm, I do not know. On one hand I could easily by a father figure, on the other hand I would probably wish it was of my own kin; either way the child wouldn't know the difference I would raise it as my own.
I have been pushing off LTRs because I wasn't in the right state of mind to be tied down.
Quote:
Originally Posted by luckynumber4
I also believe in commitment and I don't believe that legally binding myrself to someone is necessary for that. I'm not criticizing those who do, but it isn't true that everyone who doesn't believe in marriage just wants to make sure they have "one foot out the door".
I would like to have children if the opportunity presents itself, but I would like to put myself into a state of mind that would be open to children, it might never happen.
I also think being with someone without someone or something saying you have to be is more romantic and passionate. A strong bond without glue (the glue being a piece of paper).
I'm not sure what the correlation is between legally binding your self to someone and staying with them because it's more convenient.
When you marry someone - you are supposed to be vowing to be with them through sickness and health, richer and poorer, good times and bad times - as long as you both shall live. If you aren't able to make that kind of commitment - you shouldn't get married even though people do so all the time. There are no guarantees that it will work out - but if you are going to get married - that should be your goal. This has nothing to do with staying with someone because it's easier than getting divorced.And if you are married - you should be willing to work through hard times and not just pack up and leave at the first sign of some hardships. I don't want to have an easy out. I want to know that this is my partner through life - no matter what life throws at us - we are in it together. If you can't make that kind of commitment to me, I'm not going to share my life with you and have children with you. That's just me. You are free to do whatever you please. I have some friends that aren't married and have children together and it works for them. It wouldn't work for me.
I'm not sure what the correlation is either but I'm not the one that mentioned divorce being more difficult than just "walking out the door", suggested that OP doesn't want to get married just to keep "one foot out the door", or called not being married the "easy way out". Pretty much all of your posts have focused on how much harder it is to walk away from a marriage than a relationship as the main reason to get married.
I realize that I'm free to do what I please, as you are. But for someone who doesn't care and knows that it actually works for some people, you seem pretty perplexed by OP's stance on the issue.
Last edited by luckynumber4; 04-20-2014 at 03:09 PM..
I'm not sure what the correlation is between legally binding your self to someone and staying with them because it's more convenient.
When you marry someone - you are supposed to be vowing to be with them through sickness and health, richer and poorer, good times and bad times - as long as you both shall live. If you aren't able to make that kind of commitment - you shouldn't get married even though people do so all the time. There are no guarantees that it will work out - but if you are going to get married - that should be your goal. This has nothing to do with staying with someone because it's easier than getting divorced. And if you are married - you should be willing to work through hard times and not just pack up and leave at the first sign of some hardships. I don't want to have an easy out. I want to know that this is my partner through life - no matter what life throws at us - we are in it together. If you can't make that kind of commitment to me, I'm not going to share my life with you and have children with you. That's just me. You are free to do whatever you please. I have some friends that aren't married and have children together and it works for them. It wouldn't work for me.
For me, commitment isn't the problem, it's my partner that I'm worried about. Of course, nothing is guaranteed, but I can sleep better at night knowing I won't be going through another lengthily divorce process
Divorces are ugly no matter how amicable, and it's not as easy as people claim it to be. You have to deal with all the legal nonsense and a host of other things; I prefer to avoid that part.
With that said, who knows what the future holds for me.
I also think being with someone without someone or something saying you have to be is more romantic and passionate. A strong bond without glue (the glue being a piece of paper).
Exactly. That's what I was saying regarding the whole "marriage-equals-stronger-commitment-because divorce-is-harder-than-walking-away" thing.
For me, commitment isn't the problem, it's my partner that I'm worried about. Of course, nothing is guaranteed, but I can sleep better at night knowing I won't be going through another lengthily divorce process
Divorces are ugly no matter how amicable, and it's not as easy as people claim it to be. You have to deal with all the legal nonsense and a host of other things; I prefer to avoid that part.
With that said, who knows what the future holds for me.
Why are you worried about your partner?
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